Ex taking DS7 to Doctor

[disturbiaaa]

Does anyone know whether my ex DP can take our DS7 to the Doctor's without me agreeing to it? DS lives with me but has regular contact with his Dad. Thanks x

Personally I wouldn't go (I have a difficult ex I know the issues it could cause) he's not going to hear what he wants. The dr will be able to share with you what was discussed as it's not confidential (from you). DS is old enough for you to discuss what it's about and explain his dc is concerned about his slow eating but you are not. Explain if he feels anxious at his dads around food it's ok to tell the dr that (if he mentions this, not putting worlds in his mouth)

Go to the appointment.

Try to get your child to speak for himself at the appointment to the GP. (This is really important.)

GPs are use to dealing with social problems including hostile separated parents. This means your GP should work out quite quickly if your ex is being "overbearing" in regards to your son's eating.

I still would go. Is he likely to erupt and show his displeasure at you being there during the appointment or will he stay calm and kick off afterwards. It may be useful for the doctor to see what he is like when you are involved. It will also mean he cannot bad mouth you to the doctor and make you out to be a bad mother. You will be there to defend yourself and to support your son.

DS no longer wants to go to his Dads after knowing about the appointment. Has said that if he has to go then he wants me to go with him and my ex.

A word of caution on this, if you told your DS about the GP appointment and your DS no longer wants to see his dad your ex can try the coercion card.

Look at it this way, he believes DS has an eating disorder and you are the cause. You find out 2nd hand and call Docs and tell DS. You must have something to hide and that's why you want to be there - to coerce and influence, you are a terrible mother trying to turn his DS against him. All a load of rubbish but I have seen enough of this type of behavior that I feel you could be playing into his hands.

I honestly don't know if you should go or not, if you do then keep your own council and don't react, don't let it be seen that you are trying to influence at all.

Why doesn't your DS want to go to a medical appointment with his dad? Seems a bit strange that a 7 Yr old doesn't want to go to the GP with his dad

Honestly I think you are making too much of this. Either your son has problems with his eating or not. If you are confident your DS doesn't have any eating problems then the GP will say just that. And if he does then your ex is right to take him to the appointment.

Don't play into his hands. Just let him take him to the medical appointment, something he is perfectly entitled to do.

@DishedUp Because my DS has anxiety surrounding food at his Dads but is perfectly fine at home. My ex will give DS an adult sized portion and shout that if he doesn't clear his plate then he will take him to the hospital. That's why he doesn't want to got to the doctors.

Hopefully that by taking him to the doctor, the doctor can discuss portion sizes with his Dad and it will be a positive experience where the doctor can help his Dad see that there is no eating disorder but other problems in the house which are causing the issues Dad is seeing

To be fair if he has anxieties around eating at his dads I can see why his dad thinks he has problems with his eating?

It makes sense for him to see a GP. They can help your ex and address the reasons for his anxieties

You w dig yourself into a bit of a corner- fair enough telling the GP your concerns, or lack of concerns currently, but if this was the other way round- you though there was an issue and the ex tried to block the appt I'd imagine e that you would be fully supported and them controlling. By all means have an appt as well where you adress any issues or lack of issues, but to now have yours on say he doesn't want to go because you told him about it- rightly or wrongly that doesn't look great on your part. Fair enough that he doesn't get any invasive tests done, but I'd stop trying to block/ be involved in this at this stage. You did the same last year, he's still concerned or being an arse- whichever it is but unless they are taking blood, let him have his appt. they will be able to see/ measure appropriate weight gain and if there hasn't been- then that's not a bad thing to know.

When is the appointment OP? Did you decide whether to go?

@SD1978 I've not tried to block the appointment- I'm just unsure whether to go or not as my son has asked me too.

@midnightstar66 The appointment is today.

Why don't you suggest to the Dad that you go and wait outside the surgery for reassurance for your son. Sounds like the Dad is making it a problem by shouting and putting demands about food. Actually maybe you should just turn up and go in and say to the Dr that maybe the Dad shouting about how much the son eats is making it a bigger issue

Any update OP?

@YetAnotherSpartacus Despite being told by the GP that I was allowed to attend the appointment, the receptionist refused me entry to the surgery (the main doors are locked and they unlock to let you in), stating one parent per child. Ex looked like he was going to murder me when he spotted me. I rang the GP afterwards to get an update on what had happened - she said ex DP had insisted there was something wrong with DS but after he was weighed, height and blood pressure checked she told him that DS was a happy healthy little boy and she wouldn't be referring him for any further tests.

Thanks for letting us know OP! I have to say that I found his behaviour towards your DS (giving him more to eat than he wants and accusing him of being a slow eater) quite red-flag raising. I hope that this has been documented to someone in DS's own words.

I'm glad that you were vindicated though :)

Is he doing this to get 'ammunition'? My ex does this, especially when we went to court, it got worse then. So he could say how I'm such an unfit mother and DD needed fillings, needed antibiotics etc. He also makes appointments and doesn't tell me about them so that there are 'did not attends' on the system. It is a way of being controlling.

Firstly there is no need for an appointment as it isnt an emergency so you can have a phone consultation with your doctor and advise him what the dad is saying about the situation but you do not have a problem then it is noted on his records first . Secondly when he is staying somewhere else he can be taken to a doctors he is not registered with but most people would only do this if necessary for instance child needs medication and it's been misplaced etc and they are away from home. Thirdly PR does not give you a right to take the child for an ordinary every day thing that the person with sole custody/living with can and is responsible enough to do themselves.