Custody battle of a newborn

[Elizabeth77098]

Hi new to all this just looking for some friendly advice :)

My unborn babies father has made me and my other two children homeless I have 12 weeks left as well as moving on quick With another woman my hormones are everywhere as can imagine ha ha . We speak and are amicable at times but he is so indecisive. Even to the point of letting me collect my belongings within two hours he went from allowing me to pack my things to making me pay for a third party van and stopping me coming any where near his property 🙈. But i feel like we are on the same page he seems to do a complete u turn , he has mental health problems and sometimes I believe it’s more bipolar and his actions often effect this with the way he can rapidly change his mind/feelings. So I have now asked for mediation and something a bit more concrete then verbal agreement becaue I just feel as though if he’s this up and down about collecting belongings that when a baby is involved he May choose to change things when the baby is in his care .

As much as I want mediation he wants to go down the court route before the baby is born -which is not long and I don’t even know if a solicitor will take on his case as the baby is not yet born. But I know this could take some time and I want to make sure that what I offer is fair to him and will get him to bound and form an attachment with the baby but also I need time for myself to rebuild my life as I lost so much and have two children who were effected by his actions too and I am a bit broken so having him around every day is also a worry for my well being . But I know eventually we’ll I am
Hoping that we will co parent well and I don’t want the choices I make To effect their bound as well as I have to think of my children too as they don’t want him around too much either as they got hurt and seen a different side to him and I’m hoping to breastfeed .

Has any one been through the same situation and in the end what did the courts advise for custody and what was the first year of the babies life like as in how did you progress to overnight stays and longer visiting times I know babies are about stages not ages but in the eyes of the court this is sometimes not the case. It’s all scary to me and I want both parents to form a good strong relationship where a toddler will wave goodbye to either parent happily but I know the first year isn’t going to be straight forward and I don’t want the anxiety of a baby damaged because I’m worried to much about the father thinking I’m using the baby as a weapon and not being fair when that’s all I want to be but I just know it all takes time and as much as the first year will not what he pictures but the end result will be a happy baby. But he just doesn’t understand this and I just hve seen how damaging rushed , angered choices made have on a child .

I was hoping for him to see the baby for two hours every other day (during my children’s school times) then progress onto being able to express and have two longer visits but where he can take the baby out for 4 hours and one evening where he comes and baths the baby to learn how to do that . Then eventually one over night stay a week. Is this fair ?

I have seen cases where toddlers are seen in
The eyes of the court that three night stay with a dad who hasn’t been in the picture is in the “best interest” I’m sure it will work out I’m just trying to juggle to many emotions at the moment and just think I can’t help but over thinking everything. A breakup, being cheated on, no house for my children well we hve a house just not their home. Lots going on and I’m worrying about him getting a bloody bound !! I’m crazy

Thank you . Your right , you all are .

Block him.. Await a judge giving him contact. And not a second sooner.
Not on the bc.
You can and most apply for Cms as soon as your baby arrives.
Keep him away. .
Do not waiver..

Yeah your right .

Your baby will suffer more damage if your ex continues to attack your mh than it not having a df...
You owe your ex nothing.
You owe your dc protection from your ex.

If he was a good man you wouldn’t be sleeping on the sofa. Don’t spend a second more thinking about being fair to him, you and your baby are the priority, act only in your interests. He will certainly only be acting in his interest.

From previous posts, newborns tend to stay 100% of the time with mum. Dad then visits on a regular basis to mum's location; so an hour here and there on mum's terms.
Some dad's aren't quite as self absorbed as your partner sounds and realises the overwhelming pressure and work a newborn is and even move in to help.
Once the baby is 6 months or so, visits seem to be more structured so perhaps twice a week for two hours. Breastfed babies never stay away from mum ever and over night stays away from mum doesn't happen until the baby is a lot older.
Just read previous posts.

Thank you @B1rthis

You are right , thanks @Sittin

@FourPlasticRings

Do not put him on the birth certificate if you're not married. Do not give the baby his surname. Do not go to him to arrange contact. Exclusively breastfeed if at all possible for the first six months as this will mean he can't have solo contact at all during that time.

Absolutely this. You’d be a fool not too.

This man is unstable and it directly impacts your life. You need to start protecting yourself and the baby.

You never know if he would just take the baby and refuse to give it back. Do not put yourself in that position.

Yeah I have been thinking about this any way . But even stronger with the choice now.
Thank you

Have your application ready for CMS as soon as the baby is born so that he has to pay the maximum.

Do all you can to breastfeed the baby and he won't be able to take them for long periods - if at all in the first six months. He can visit the baby with you there. Newborns only need to form a bond with their primary care, his bond can come later. I would never hand over my newborn baby to a man like this, my stomach churns at the thought.