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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

1 2

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Anyone else whos child doesn't see their Dad

40 replies

Shelley1 · 29/04/2007 20:33

I have a two and a half year old DD you doesn't see his Dad. He has started to ask questions about where his Daddy is and I am slightly miffed about how much to explain to him. Any advice you have would be good. xx

OP posts:

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MrsWho · 15/06/2007 20:28

Re Fathers day- I used to get my dds fathersday cards until they were interested in their Dad

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ChorusLine · 15/06/2007 21:37

I was given a Fathers Day card today that DS had made (he is 19 months). Its in his records OR should I say his fathers details are not on nursery records as his father decided he didn't want either of us and has only seen him once - by default!

I just wish they would have checked our details as i'm not sure who was more embarrassed me or his key worker. I just blurted out 'why - he hasn't got one'

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ChorusLine · 15/06/2007 21:40

Meant to add, i have taken the card home as I just rushed out (didn't want her to see tears) and have decided to give it my dad. There is room ojn the front to add to Grandad on Fathers day.

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skyatnight · 15/06/2007 23:30

ChorusLine - good idea to address the card to Grandad. Sadly, my father died last year, another reason why my feelings are so screwed up about Father's Day. Unlike dd, I know what it was like to have a loving father and I miss him. My brother is coming to see us tomorrow so at least there is one man in dd's life who cares about her.

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MascaraOHara · 15/06/2007 23:37

My dd is nearly 5 and has no contact with her father. I have a boyf. who is involved in her life now but she is old enough to remeber having contact with her father. I try to be honest but gentle with her..

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bookwormmum · 15/06/2007 23:48

I've been handed things by my dd addressed to 'mummy and daddy'. I think they must copy the sentences off the board but I was offended at first. Now I just keep the card for myself - I almost feel sorry for my xp that he is missing out on stuff albeit it was his own choice to sever links. I was glad that a card didn't come out today for Fathers Day though.

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mogs0 · 17/06/2007 18:54

I was mightily p'd off on Friday when ds came home with a Father's day card because they never made Mother's day cards so I got naff all!!!!

I felt very sad for ds too as he'd addressed his card to my gay friends partner (God knows what school think!!) not that there's anything wrong with that I just felt really sad that he couldn't send it to his Dad.

Having barely mentioned his Dad ever, in the last 2 weeks he's mentioned him almost daily!. He's never met him and tells everyone that his Dad died (he didn't) and I've told him he's not dead, he lives somewhere different.

I do have one or two photos of his dad, do you think now would be a good time to show ds?

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persephonesnape · 17/06/2007 19:18

skyatnight, I'd send them anyway. stuff his child-phobic possibly imaginary gf!

my children are old enough now to decide whether they want to send cards to their dad or not. they spent the day with him and his gf today and she took them all out to lunch at swanky italian restaurant.

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persephonesnape · 17/06/2007 19:21

sorry mogso - how old is your ds? i think if he's been asking about his dad on and off for a couple of weeks then letting him see the photos is a good idea. children are curious as they grow up - where do i get my eyes? my nose is different to yours, is it like dads etc? that may prompt more of a discussion as to where he is etc.

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bookwormmum · 17/06/2007 19:23

I'd let him see the pics. Having said that, the pics of my xp are hidden in the bottom of my wardrobe (my catch-all storage space). I don't want to unleash dd on her memory box just yet.

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clothears · 22/06/2007 21:25

I have no idea how to 'bump' threads but Im hoping someone will dip in here and read my message.
Briefly I got preg during a breakdown from which Im fully recovered. I chose to end the relationship I was in and continue with the preg. I simply was not/am not in love with her father and so I didnt was us trapped in that situation.
My dd father saw her a few times when she was born but for the last 2 years has consistently said that he does not feel he can be involved because its too emotionally painful for him. To be fair to him - he already has one seperated family and he may yet meet someone with kids etc and it would just be so complicated for his other kids who are at sensitive ages anyway. There is no way he would have time to be involved in my dd life anyway. So, he has been consistently absent in her life BUT consistently supportive in mind. He always asks how I am (but not dd) and he recently gave me his leather settee cause I really needed a new one. He does support her financially and has never back tracked on this at all. He says the same thing every time it comes up 'its just too painful'.I know he still loves me.
OK to the point... My dd has recently been pointing at random men and saying 'my daddy?'. Totally TOTALLY breaking my heart that I chose to give her a life without a father. What on earth do I say to her.... umm well actually darling you dont have a father!! No way, I cant do it. Im totally lost - Please Please help

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ChorusLine · 23/06/2007 22:24

bumping for clothears x

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ChorusLine · 23/06/2007 22:37

ignore me - there is a different thread on this.

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clothears · 23/06/2007 22:37

Bless you chorus line but I managed to work out how to start a new thread and luckily I have had lots of fantastic advice. Thanks x

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alfiesmummy2006 · 02/07/2007 23:18

Hey hun, Alfie has never seen his dad either and to be honest i dont think he ever will, not my choice but his dads choice, Dont get no money either at moment as he is messing the CSA around.

Im always worried about what kind of things im going to say to him aswell about his dad but iv got along way to go yet!