Social services advice

[Spudthecat]

Hi wondering if anyone can shed any light?? A couple of months back I was reported to ss by my ex and father of my children, it was a malicious report, he doesn't pay maintenance so I said I would report him to HMRC for tax evasion (he gets cash in hand) if he doesn't start paying maintenance big mistake which I regret as that very week I was reported to social services with alot of lies, anyway I was visited by ss who said they would do a child in need assesment, anyway she has got back to me today and said she wants to do a team for children plan?? Think that's what it's called, despite knowing that my exes allegations were false (this has been confirmed) she claimed it wasn't a child in need plan and there are no safe guarding concerns, however I contacted the family rights group who said it IS the same as a child in need plan. The social worker wants to have a meeting with me, my children's school a health visitor and herself, has anyone heard of team for children?? Why am I being made to go on it despite finding out my exes allegations are false? I'm so upset

Why are they trying to help me? They must only be trying to help me if they feel I'm failing in some way, there are a lot worse people out there than me who don't have any ss involvement, it looks bad on me if I do, I was reported maliciously, is it strange that I want it over with??

Op!

try to record all convos and ALL meetings.

DO NOT inform them you are doing this, they are told by managers to decline being recorded....makes you wonder really as if they had nothing to hide, they'd be happy with it.

My mum was referred to SS for not sending my brother to school even though it was under advice from a doctor, the SS called an urgent meeting to decide if they were removing the kids from my mums care.

The only thing that stopped it & SS stopped being involved is simply because my mum proved the doctor had lied to SS.

The support worker twisted things, tried to tell my mum because she got upset that she was clearly suffering with depression!

I'm with you on this one.....when I was referred after seeking help for the emotional abuse I went through with ex, I cried for days because they take kids away far too prematurely & for the wrong reasons.

Thanks, I am glad someone understand, I know people who have had ss involvement and a friend of mine had her child wrongfully removed and was lucky to get her back, the social worker said to me if the report turns out to be malicious then the case will be closed, yet it turns out it was malicious and yet the case hasn't been closed?! As I said my dd has been referred to an autism outreach programme, she has a paediatrician, she is in school now and my sister works with children with autism so I have a lot of support around me with it, ss isn't the kind of support I want, it's easy to say people won't judge me but they clearly do, I had had a meeting with the school on Friday about my dds progress and the sw knew all about it when she called me so they are obviously feeding back every bit of information on me to the social worker, and sorry to drip feed but on my dds first day of school my brother and mum met me outside and my mum and niece came in to pick up my dd with me whilst my brother waited outside, the next day I came into school and was called into chat in the office with one of the teachers who questioned me on my next of kins because I had put my mum an my sister, she asked about my dds dad and I said he won't be picking her up which is why he isn't on there, she then said there was a man outside and asked if it her dad I said no it wasn't, she said oh but your mum said "come on daddy's outside" I was like yes she said that to my niece!! This woman wasn't even there at the time this happened so they've obviously mentioned it to her for her to question me on it, so I feel like I'm being monitored, which would surely make anyone uneasy. I just want to put this behind me, my ex done this to hurt me and obviously it isn't a nice feeling knowing the father of your children would do something like this to hurt you so I want to move forward and forget about it.

That does sound like they are watching you carefully OP. :( Is there any reason apart from what you have mentioned that you could think of?

I know this might sound a bit disrespectful but it's not meant that way...are you always well groomed and tidy when you go to school and is DD too?

My friend had the Head Teacher call her into the office because she was worried that my friend "looked like she wasn't coping" All it was, was that my friend had not been making much effort with her appearance as she was unwell for quite some time.

The HT took it on board and said that she was there to help if needed.

Use email to communicate with social services. It helps to have a record of what's been said and agreed just in case there are misunderstandings or misrepresentation later.

You do sound like you feel under attack, but I think if you don't attend this meeting it will go against you. You'll also find out what's going on by attending which might help you alot.

Like the last poster I do wonder why you seem to be attracting a lot of attention from authority figures. Do you have any idea why that might be? Or just coincidence?

Good luck whatever happens

Just play along with this, if you try to resist it they will start thinking you have something to hide. When you have a disabled child there is no stigma to having a TAC involved, or indeed to his being designated a child in need - as I said upthread, by definition a child with a disability is a child in need, and it has nothing to do with safeguarding concerns.

I've sat here for a while trying to think of what it is, I always do my hair and make up before going out, I'm on benefits so don't have the best clothes, but they are always clean and presentable, same for dd always clean uniform and tidy hair, I spoke to my sister briefly before about it as I do feel like I stick out like a sore thumb even when they first started school I felt they school were abit funny with me, the social worker only visited me once so I don't know how you can come to a conclusion having only met someone once, but my mum said theyre monitoring me through the school. My sister said she thinks it's because I've been reported before which is true and that I have been Flagged up to them again so soon after (it was around 3 years ago) my ex knew how horrible I found being reported so obviously knew that would get to me, the case was closed and never went anywhere. I would go along with the TAC if it was just focused on my dd but they seem to be focusing on all my children, as I said in the report my ex said my children can't talk, when she came here my 2 year old barely spoke and was playing on his iPad, she mentioned him not talking but he does talk, you are a stranger to him and he is shy, that's why I don't think one visit is enough to give a clear picture, they could be stereotyping me as I'm 28 with 3 kids under 6 single and on benefits, my sister said if I was driving a nice car and had a ring on my finger it would be a different story... Hmm

A few points:

-the sw should go through the report with you before the meeting

-what they are suggesting is voluntary

however

If you don't cooperate you will be labelled 'non-engaging' which is classed as a risk

-you are best to acknowledge that you do have a few 'red flags'

Eg
Bad relationship with ex
Disabled child
No health visitor
Non school attendance
Previous referral

Also you are right to say that a young single mum with a larger than average number of children living on benefits is statistically more likely to have contact with ss than a married mc mum.

Class prejudice does exist but this shouldn't be used to discriminate against you.

My advice would be to email who is going to chair the meeting saying you are willing to attend but want to see the assessment first as you don't understand why they feel the need to have this meeting.

Put the points you have made on this thread in writing ie allegations found to be untrue. Say what you feel- that SS is a stigma and you would prefer to organise your own support network.

Good luck.

Thanks beebeeeight that's very useful.

Do not follow pp advice to record conversations. It's illegal to do this unless you have their consent.

The reason sws decline being recorded is because clients have edited recordinds/ videos to make them into a different context. Nothing at all to do with having something to hide.

You have been given good advice here. It sounds very much that ss are trying to support you. I know you feel there is a stigma attached to them being involved but really they are there to help. It's perfectly normal for a health visitor to be involved with a child here until they start school- again for any support or advice they can offer.

Recording conversations are NOT illegal.

Op,

Ignore the PP who said recording without consent is illegal.

That's absolute rubbish, I know because I research every ounce of the internet for the above.

It is not illegal without permission, you just shouldn't share it with 3rd parties, especially not the internet.

Seconding Karma - it is perfectly legal to record meetings etc, and indeed you can use recordings in court and tribunal proceedings if the judge gives permission. If SWs are worried about recordings being edited, they are perfectly free to make their own.

Hmm thanks for the advice, my dd finally has her diagnosis appointment through which is the 8th of March so the ball is rolling, wouldn't social services be supporting me if it was a CIN plan aswell so then really it's the same thing?? In my circle social services isn't a positive thing and if they need to support me that must mean I'm failing? As my sister said social services don't get involved for good reasons, I know I will be judge by people I know as being a bad parent if they knew I had ss involved. The reason why I am apprehensive about the health visitor is because it's being put in place by ss meaning she will have a negative view of me. I will bare the advice given in mind for when I have the meeting. Thanks again

No, it really doesn't mean you're failing. They have a duty by law to support any disabled child.

Spud if it would make you feel better I still have DD's reports, there is nothing criticising our parenting on it, just what support DD needed from speech therapy etc.

Il happily scan it and email it, if it would put your mind at risk.

Im not in the UK but I can see similarities with the law for this country.

I am nearly a qualified social worker. I will finish in June. Last month DS was diagnosed ASD. Next week DH and I are attending a meeting with all the professionals - his speech therapist, play therapist, his key worker, head of nursery, and educational psycologist, someone from child psychiatry and a SW from the childrens dept. We are taking PILs too as they are v involved in ds life. The idea is just to brainstorm how each person can help DS, and us, as now he is registered as having a disability it puts an additional strain on the parents. As it happens I know what we are entitled to but not everyone does. Yours might have some really useful information about benefits or how to deal with siblings or parenting courses for asd or support groups or whatever. You might already know about these things, but they dont know that you know, so really they are there just to give you as much help as you need. Hence the HV. They are there to keep an eye on how you are doing as well as checking the development of your child. I think they are worried about you developing depression which under the circumstances is a very real possibility, and again early intervention is key for good outcomes. Would you be willing to compromise on the HV and maybe allow a different one to visit? Otherwise you can stress that if you have any concerns you will go to the gp. You can also say that you are aware that the hv have a clinic at x place on y day and you will go if you have any concerns.

I understand your reluctance and even though I know the importance of early , even though I know that everything is done with the best of intentions, it doesnt feel great to know that there will be a case in the family department with my sons name on it. I was actually quite shocked by my reaction.

If you feel a bit intimidated then please please take someone with you. Others have suggested recording, I suggest you take notes. I have a notebook specifically for DS and all his meetings etc because although i thought i understood what was said at the time, I often found when we got home we couldnt quite remember what was said, or much later on I couldnt remember when something was said or agreed. Its a very useful tool. Dont let anyone go faster than you can write. At the end of the meeting recap what each person has agreed to and by when. Make sure you get the names and contact info of everyone there. Get their email addresses. If you need to contact them do it by email so there is a trail.

Does that make sense? Is it at all reassuring?

Update: thank you so much for all the comments I have recieved a copy of the assesment so I just thought I would update, well I was wrong! It wasn't my ex, it was someone claiming to be my husbands wife! So a female, I have a older brother, he has a partner but they are not married and have a child together, I have no idea why she would report me as I don't really have a relationship with her, it's not hostile we are just not close, there is a lot of things said in the report that is complete lies, apparently my daughters only speech is "good girl or bad girl" I have never said this to her and she never says it to me, my children apparently go to bed at midnight, I have mental health issue, I don't answer the door if people knock and I block anyone on the phone who mentioned my children! None of that is true what so ever and I am really struggling to understand why someone would do this! I assumed it was my ex as I was only ever told the call was anonymous, however as I stated it said the person wanted to report their husbands sisters children! The report of me is positive and doesn't contain again negative things so I really don't know where to go from here but I am totally gobsmacked half the things in the referral was never mentioned to me which is weird

Spud it could still be your ex getting a female to ring. Concerns by families would obviously be looked into more then an anonymous one.

If your ex-p knows your family members he could have decided to put the report in from them, if that makes sense?

They don't check up if someone is who they say they are, so I wouldn't assume you know for definite that it was your brothers partner...