Being a lone parent is torpedo-ing my career. Anyone else?

[windygallows]

For the last 3 years I've been a lone parent (age 44) to 2DCs (age 3 and 8) and working full time. It's been hard work but I've always enjoyed working and still am very ambitious.

But the reality is my ambition is pointless because I don't feel I can go any further work-wise. Already I spend a lot of evenings and weekends catching up on work and couldn't cope with a greater workload or responsibility or time commitment or evenings away, despite the fact that I'd love a more senior role. And anyway....I have no time for networking, little opportunities for professional development - my one course in London was a nightmare to even coordinate as getting into London on time and back (I'm in the home counties) was almost impossible. A job in London would be impossible too.

Just recently I had to turn down a role because of the location - I literally couldn't work out drop offs/pickups in the morning/evening.... what a depressing reason to turn down an opportunity!

But that's the reality. And the fact is that I currently run such a carefully coordinated ship, the thought of leaving my role and messing with that balance is scary - so I feel stuck in my current role.

It's hard for me to accept that my career really is going to have to take such a backseat over the next 10 years and possibly forever. I don't want to sound ungrateful - I love my children and they are my priority but find it hard that I've having to shelve my career dreams.

Have others had a similar experience and how they dealt with it or learned to accept it?

I have been a lone parent for 13 years,it has been a constant balancing act.My kids are now in their teens and very recently have taken on a more senior role ( deputy head primary) Only because its in my town.
I am actually finding this role more flexible as although the hours can be long,I also can balance it out as I'm not in class all the time.So now can take the kids to the orthodontist without a months prior planning!
My kids don't really see their dad and my family aren't in this country,so its all me.And like most of us I manage,mostly by doing 16 hour days,but I do wonder sometimes the impact all of this has had on me.I feel an awful lit older than my 41 years sometimes.

It's also stagnated my job prospects because if I change employers (for something more stimulating or better paid) then I lose my parental leave entitlement until I've been there for 12 months. I daren't move until both the kids are secondary age, 4 years and counting. Can't risk not having unpaid leave options at the time being.

Yes, me too.

I left my career and went in a different direction because it wasn't compatible with being a LP. Happily I enjoy my new job and it gives us an equally good lifestyle. It's a lot more flexible with kids though.

And if you have sn kids forget it!!! My career has gone down the drain big time.

Yeah, kids really don't need to have a very high level of sickness/needs before it becomes impossible to have a job.

I have, just by sheer luck, got the best deal I could possibly have - I teach in a small private school, very very friendly towards kids with SN, and I get a hefty staff discount on the tuition fees, so DD is here with me. She'll be 14, going into high school before she leaves, so all the difficult early years we're on the same schedule, and school are pretty understanding if I'm home with DD when she's sick.

So - great for marking time, but no way could I have tried to climbed the career ladder, switched schools for a promotion etc.

When I taught in state school in the UK, I was so stressed, almost at the point of giving up, because even with a hands-on DH, being a parent and working FT just clashed so much.

I had a 3 day a week management job in the sector i worked and trained in for 15 years. I'd just managed to bounce back from a personal crisis then two months later my 2 1/2 year old son had a run of normal illnesses, chicken pox, hand foot and mouth and a cold. Over that time i missed so many work days, tried hard to work from home and juggle it all, then was told that i would need to make my hours up and demonstrate all the work i was doing. This was on the day that a childcare arrangement fell through. I got up and left. The pressure was insane. Im absolutely broke (compared to the income i had) and can't see how i might be able to return to a career. I was thinking about converting my training and becoming a lawyer in a year. Am i mad to consider that? Is that going to be completely unachievable? Academically and professionally i'd be fine. As a single Mum of one?? I'm not sure.

myperiod You're not mad to consider it. If you end up with a reasonably paid job you could consider a nanny or au pair to help pick up the slack on sick days.

I read this thread with interest.

I work for an enlightened employer - was promoted on Mat leave and again year after returning. Our MD is a parent who worked part-time until Her kids started school. So I know it's obvious but have you considered changing employer?

Flexible or live in childcare makes a huge difference.

Working 3 or 4 days a week may actually give you more slack in the system.

Considering starting your own business, freelance, associate or consulting work can be ways to make it work better for you.

I don't know if your DC have any contact with their father but if so can you schedule that so you can do a course etc.

Reducing commuting time makes a huge difference with children so if you can live close to work it helps.

I do hear you though. I've adjusted my expectations of my performance and created a balanced scorecard where career is one part of my life success. Still have to swallow bile when I see men for whom having chikdren if anything makes life easier as their wife then gives up work and picks up extra domestic stuff!