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Original poster

Ex wants to get the child benefit

41 replies

HoundOfTheBasketballs · 23/06/2016 16:37

Hoping to get some opinions/ perspective on this.

We have shared residency. I have DS 4/7.
I claim no benefits except child benefit. Ex contributes very little/nothing financially. He might occasionally buy DS clothes or pay for a school trip, but I bear the majority of the financial responsibility. I don't chase ex for money as its more hassle than it's worth.

Ex has now decided he wants to claim the child benefit instead of me. This is because if he can show the council he has DS with him the majority of the time he can claim housing benefit. He promises he will give me back the child benefit every month as he doesn't actually want/need that money, just the housing benefit/tax credits he can claim if he is in receipt of child benefit.

I don't want to do this. At all. I also suspect that any benefit claim he makes will be fraudulent as he is self-employed and has "cooked" his books and not filed a tax return or anything for years.
At the moment our relationship is amicable. He has the potential to get very nasty if I don't do what he wants. Is there anyway I can skirt round this? Or am I just going to have to tell him to fuck off and suffer the consequences?

OP posts:
Original poster
HoundOfTheBasketballs · 23/06/2016 17:34

That's exactly what he wants it for snarkmaiden, to access other benefits.
Which I'm not convinced he is entitled to.
But he thinks the world owes him a favour..... and child tax credits.

OP posts:
Kimononono · 23/06/2016 17:35

op please don't feel any guilt or obligation to this man. He is relying on your good nature and his pressure to make you fold.

You need that money for your DC. It's that simple. Don't sign anything over to him. Real normal men don't ask things like this.

starry0ne · 23/06/2016 17:36

4 out of 7 isn't 50/50 however as he cooks books you will probably get very little through cms if anything.

The thing is that sticks out for me is you are justifying your financial situation which frankly is none of his business...I wouldn't bother replying next time he asks tell him no.. End of.... no real reason to debate..

For all the reasons people above have stated.

bloodyteenagers · 23/06/2016 17:39

And don't give him half the money.
You owe this twit nothing.
Ignore the sulking and the rest of it in the knowledge that long term he is fucking up his relationship with his child.
Eventually child will have a say and he
Carries on like this it won't be the current arrangement.

Snarkmaiden · 23/06/2016 17:45

It was a fairly common scam where I lived 20 years ago. Exes would browbeat their former partners into letting them claim CB for one of the kids so that Ex could claim for a 2 bedroom property and tax credits.

The child would spend most or all of the time with the mother -ExP would bung them an occasional tenner to keep the peace, while the second bedroom would be illegally sublet for extra ££. Ex would be coining it in, while keeping the job centre and the CSA off his back. The mum got stuck with all the shitwork and lost out financially.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 23/06/2016 17:58

Also, do you actually believe that he would 'give you the child benefit back'? I wouldn't believe my XH tighter than a budgie's bum

Original poster
HoundOfTheBasketballs · 23/06/2016 18:02

I believe he would possibly manage it for the first month. And then he'd forget, or ask me to hold off for a week or two as things were tight. Or he'd give me some of it, and owe me the rest. Or he'd give me things, like shopping I didn't want, or stuff he'd nicked, in lieu of actual payment.
It's laughable really, isn't it?

OP posts:
bumpingalong9386 · 23/06/2016 18:07

OP

I think the consensus is clear... A firm no is required and you don't need to justify that to him.
Also DO NOT offer him half the CB he hasn't paid you anything towards your DS - you said so yourself.

He is trying to pull a fast one and you need to be strong, stand up for yourself and not give in!

AyeAmarok · 23/06/2016 18:19

"No, ex. I'm not giving you the Child Benefit. I need it to feed and clothe our child as you don't pay maintenance, and I wouldn't trust you to give it back to me."

Kimononono · 23/06/2016 19:13

Oh god he sounds like a dick. Lucky escape!

Lordamighty · 23/06/2016 19:14

FGS don't offer him half.

ImperialBlether · 23/06/2016 19:20

Don't give him anything. Tell him that you've already submitted a claim for tax credits.

TheUnsullied · 23/06/2016 19:22

Jesus, don't hand him £40 every month to avoid a strop. You don't have to pay him to parent. You're the one buying all the uniforms, clothes, etc, so the child benefit is for you to put towards all that.

MeMySonAndl · 23/06/2016 20:27

Don't give him any money and
much less so in a regular way. He can claim you are paying maintenance and ask for it to be reinstated if you stop (He will not win on that one but it could be a lot of hassle).

This reminds me of my ex when I got TC for the first time. He was earning over 10x my salary (high flyer dick) but he really believed that it was fair for him to demand and have half of my tax credits.

If this helps you to turn your back, financially on your ex, mine also demanded me to hand him 3/4 of our savings, I agreed to half, then he insisted it had to be in cash, so we walked to the bank where I took over £10,000 in cash out. He took the money and walked it to his bank accross the street. When the assets were divided he claimed that He was not guven any money, that I had spent it myself. Unfortunately the court believed him so, as no other assets were available to give him a small deposit for a flat, the court ordered for the house where DS and I were living to be sold.

I can write an enormous list of disgraceful things he has done, but take it from someone a little bit further along the line... You need to stop caring for him, he is no longer in your team, he has proven already that if he can take advantage of you, he will.

Abinob · 23/06/2016 20:30

Fuck that. It'd be pretty good evidence of being the main carer if he wanted to try and get full residency..
Don't do it. What if you lose your job at some point and need to claim housing benefit etc yourself?

Original poster
HoundOfTheBasketballs · 23/06/2016 20:45

Thanks everyone for your insights and support.
I do need to just keep reminding myself I don't owe him anything. And that he can't intimidate me anymore.
I already gave him a cash lump sum as a settlement when I finally plucked up the courage to throw him out.
In fact, thinking about that, it was drawn up by my solicitor and uses the words "full and final settlement." So I can add that as another weapon in my arsenal as why I shan't be handing over the CB to him.
Flowers and best wishes to everyone else dealing with arsehole exes!

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