what did you wish you'd known when you became a LP?

[chocoraisin]

There are always a bunch of threads on here asking for advice for new lone parents. I thought it would be good to bring together some of the most useful info in one place. Feel free to add!

Everything that you learned the hard way/were so grateful to have been told/wish you'd known in the beginning. Ok I'll begin...

You can get free legal advice from a solicitor for 30 mins. You can go to more than one! Wikivorce also has heaps of information. Use it!

No is a complete sentance. Use it. [MN classic advice, to be fair].

Bread and milk should ALWAYS be in your freezer, because you WILL run out and not notice until the kids are in bed and you are unable to shop for more.

Clean houses are not a thing. Lower your expectations immediately and go for hygenic, not clean. You'll be happier. So will your kids.

... anyone want to add more? :)

That people feel they can ask you stupid invasive questions because they know you are a single parent. 'Do your kids have the same dad' being the worst offence - as if you would ask married person that.

That you will get on top of it once you get in to a routine. Agree strongly with other posters - never buy milk bread loo roll or nappies etc in small quantities!

That some of your married friends secretly envy you

Ive found that once you get over the shock of being single and doing things alone theres nothing left to fear. You've done the hard bit and you can cope with anything.

Ive found I like being single and thats ok. Im quite selfish I like things my way and im happier now theres no stress, arguments and unhappiness anymore.

I dont like the fact that being a single parent and talking to someones husband/partner instantly means im attracted to them and want to steal there partner.

OMG! Paper plates for when it all goes belly up! I LOVE that!

handy the dc's use disposable cups for breakfast. or orange juice cartons, cheapest seems to be lidl.

I always make sure I have a couple of nice meals in the freezer that I could wack in the microwave it was a life saver a few weeks ago when I was realy ill.

I always make sure I have gas an leccy too for the same reason.

OK, here goes:

When I first walked away and for a good year after, I had absolutely no idea what I was capable of as a parent or person. I have to say that the good far outweighs the bad in just about every sense.

My DDs are getting actual smiles from me now and it resonates.
With him wearing me down, I managed painted smiles and I'm pretty sure they both knew.

I am every inch the Mum of two now.
He was like an extra child. A nasty, violent and abusive one, but an extra child, nonetheless.

Money is in the family pot, albeit tight, but invested in all the right places.

Good, healthy, nutritious food in the kitchen at all times.

A beautiful balance of happy noise and comfortable.

So much more, but now for a comfortable nights rest, sprawled across my own warm bed in our home, which nobody Lords it over and everyone in it feels safe.

That anything is possible.
That it's ok to get it wrong.
Perfection is highly over rated!
That my cleaner keeps me sane as I work f/time.
My friends, my true friends, are the greatest gifts ever given to me.
That my daughter is ok, and will be ok, and that I stuck it out to long trying to preserve a family unit, when we are (in the main) happier now.
That wonderful phrase 'those who mind, don't matter; those that matter, don't mind' in relation to -state of house/state of me/finances/asking for help.
That I am ok, and getting more so each passing day/week/month...

Online supermarket shopping is your friend. Although I also wish Aldi deliver!
Invest in a breadmaker and stock up on bread mixture. Particularly useful in Winter.
Agree about having a box full of extras eg toilet paper, toothpaste, shampoo, soap even a couple of tins of food the DCs like.

Games night is Tuesday night for us. Beforehand I get my DCs to do some jobs each eg hovering, dusting etc while building up the anticipation. Then we take it in turn each week to choose a board game to play together. It's good fun.

Do a little bit in the house or garden each day.

That it is ok to book a back massage even if it is £30 you can scarcely afford.

That it is ok to hire a gardener/handiman to help in the summer months - again if you can scarcely afford.

That it is ok to let the housework slip a little if you are tired.

That it is ok to take good care of yourself. To do a weekly face mask and to paint your toenails. It helps restore the yin energy!

that dd would be fine, actually better than fine, no longer living in a war zone.

that money would be difficult but just so nice to have control over what i spend it on

that i would feel so so much calmer and happier, and more confident.

that it would be easier than i could have ever imagined

that i should have done it 7 years ago and saved myself a lot of tears

oh, and that dd can deal with creepy crawlies, so i still don't have to ;-)