Single mother by choice at 45

[Lily7050]

I always wanted to have a child but thought that my child deserves to have both loving parents and have decent living standards.

Until recently my financial situation was unstable, I had to move jobs and countries.

Now I am more or less settled, got a well paid job and my own flat. I am already 45, lost hope to find a partner to have a child together and financially can afford to raise a child on my own. So I am thinking of conceiving with a donor sperm.

I will have to get back to work 3 months after the child is born but can afford to pay for private childcare.

Another issue that stopped me from having a child on my own is my health condition. I got psoriasis which is somewhere between moderate to severe. I do not want my child to have psoriasis. I have read that if one of the parents have psoriasis the probability that the child will develop the condition is somewhere between 15%-50%. Prenatal diagnosis of psoriasis is unavailable.

If anybody here has been in similar situation please share your opinion.

Would it be irresponsible in my situation to have a child as a single mother?

Of course I am going to meet with fertility specialists to discuss my situation but would appreciate if single mums of similar age could share their thoughts.

Better to have nursery near home. Eg if you iIl and can't work and need child to be cared for you dont want to trek across London. you don't want to commute with a baby or child.
You might be able to work from home ? So nursery near home.
if your hours are longer than a nursery you need to rethink. A nanny may work eg 7 to 6 or 8 to 6 probably no more...

Thank you, cestlavielife.

I found more food for thought here www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R1L0F665LXAEX8/ref=cm_cr_pr_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=0812922468

While a lot of what is in that link might be true, I do think the author has a very negative slant on it. Since becoming a SMBC, I no longer have a social life, work is far, far down on my list of priorities and I can't/won't give my all to it and I haven't had a full night's sleep for 3 years. But I don't care, because the alternative would be not having children, and that was something that I really, really couldn't face. For me, I rationalise it by thinking I'm taking a short term hit for a lifetime of happiness, for the only life that I ever wanted. It's also not just single mothers whose careers, finances and lifestyle change when they have children - much of the issues I deal with also apply to my friends who have partners.

I've just read further and it's clear that the woman posting most of the negative things in that link is not a SMBC. She's also based in the US, so her experience of single motherhood will be different to the UK.

Being a single mum is great, but also daunting. More so than couples as you usually don't have people to bounce things off - I use MN . I think you sound as though you are financially stable and have looked into the real cost of child care. You need to be completely certain on that though, and possibly have a back up for if nanny/au pair is sick. Work around your budget as you will also have extras to factor in (nappies/clothes/pram/jumparoos/cot etc etc). I'd also say a live in would be great - I always say I need a wife, not a husband! That way if you are sick you also have someone who can keep going (this is the hardest part being a single mum, other than having to make all of the hard decisions alone).

Do you have family who can also bond with the baby? My dad has been surprisingly invaluable. You'd be amazed at how you worry that they aren't getting enough family time/adult interaction/memories of family. We only see him once a month, but as a break for me and someone else who has her best interests at heart it is incomparable.

You may want more time off with the baby than you think, so I second the poster who said allow for 6 months. You may need a c-section and people can react differently for healing times. You don't want to feel too rushed.

I don't disagree with that link. And you can still do it. Yes it's incredibly tough. Yes, you need support or the isolation will drive you insane. But we're all living proof that plenty of people are doing it.