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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

am i being a tearful idiot?

27 replies

nightowl · 05/04/2004 21:29

I may be jumped on here but please all just be nice and tell me if im being too sensitive and post natal..theres a thread on here that has really upset and annoyed me. I felt it to be a bit presumptious and hypocrytical.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

coppertop · 05/04/2004 21:30

Which thread?

mummysurfer · 05/04/2004 21:30

oh,night owl...we can't really help unless we know which thread.

dottyparker · 05/04/2004 21:33

Gosh for Mumsnet, that is surprising. Dont take anything to Heart on this website darling

Nutcracker · 05/04/2004 21:54

Can't see any offending threads, which is it ??

Original poster

nightowl · 05/04/2004 22:03

it wasnt anything any of you said. it was the media request thing about teenage mums. i was 19 when i had ds (planned baby, was married, worked, had mortgage etc) and left his dad because he treated me so badly i thought i would go insane. (Even slept with someone else the night after i gave birth-i was still in hospital) reading it does that mean im just a sad statistic? i feel like crap now. (i know, im silly. its just a sore subject with dd too, im postnatal) I know some lovely people too who were teenage moms and i just hate being judged.

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 05/04/2004 22:06

´Try not to get upset nightowl. I was talking to a midwife friend yesterday about this and she said that some of the best mums she´s seen were 18 or 19. And I always think that becoming a mum at 19 is a million miles away from becoming a mum at,say, 14 and I think it´s silly to lump them all together as "teenage mums"

I´m sure you´re one of the great ones

wobblyknicks · 05/04/2004 22:07

nightowl - don't worry, I think that request was mainly trying to get people like you, who may have been a teenage mum but have still done it just as well as anyone else and still have great lives - trying to dispell the myth that all teenage mums are rubbish.

libb · 05/04/2004 22:07

My friend was 18 when had her daughter and she is a fantastic mum - I know you are too.

SenoraPostrophe · 05/04/2004 22:08

ps he sounds like a git (had to read your post twice though - I thought you meant you slept with someone else the night after giving birth for a minute - was wondering how you managed! )

coppertop · 05/04/2004 22:09

Bless you, nightowl. I think it was just badly-worded. I don't think it meant that if you weren't still with the dad/at the top of the career ladder that you were somehow a failure.

People become single parents for different reasons. I don't know your exact history but I would say that it was far better for you to leave than to stay and be treated badly. xx

sexyspider · 05/04/2004 22:09

i agree with SP my gran was 19 when she had her first, no-one batted an eyelid apparently and why should they? me and my mum were both 21 so not far off, take no notice

wobblyknicks · 05/04/2004 22:09

I had dd at 20, so only just out of the heading 'teenage mum', but I still feel like I get lumped into that sort of assumption - "young mum, obviously no clue what she's doing, how sad" - and it annoys the hell out of me. But there's some shallow-minded people who have to judge and generalise and there always will be.

Original poster

nightowl · 05/04/2004 22:11

thanks guys, i know it wasnt meant to be offensive in any way, its just me i guess

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wobblyknicks · 05/04/2004 22:14

nightowl - don't worry, I know exactly how you feel. The worst bit is knowing those people will always look down their noses at you, even if your kids get certificates to prove they're the best looked after on the planet. There's just no pleasing some people, that's all.

Nutcracker · 05/04/2004 22:14

I was 19 when i had dd1, i'm now 25 and have another dd and a ds.
I'm sure you are an excellent mom too

Original poster

nightowl · 05/04/2004 22:19

Ive never wanted a high flying career, i admire people that do but im happy with my job. I have a house and two lovely children, enough money to pay the bills and they dont want for anything. My family are all disappointed with me as they think i had talent that i could have used but i like the world i live in. That to me is what's important?

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Original poster

nightowl · 05/04/2004 22:46

think i worded that a bit crap at the end, i meant i like MY little world that i live in.

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Original poster

nightowl · 05/04/2004 23:32

Stupidgirl, are you still up? do you feel the same way as me?

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misdee · 05/04/2004 23:41

hey i got upset by that post too. i was 19 when i had dd1, one month of my 20th birthday. am now nearing my 24th borthday, in that time i have givern up work, lost mjy home, split up with my hubby, moved round the country and had another child. me and hubby are now back together but neither of us work, he is ill and i am full time carer, but that doesnt mean my life is a failure. i love looking after my family, its what i do best, and for the time i know we will be together as a family unit i'm gonna stick two fingers up at people who say 'go to work and better yourself' and enjoy waking up with my husband and my kids sleeping in the next rooms. because i know it wont last forever.

jasper · 05/04/2004 23:47

nightowl, tearful idiocy is part of being a mother, and it sounds like you are doing a great job of being a mum. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. One of my colleagues is a 19yo single mum with a 3 yo daughter and she is a wonderful mother and her little girl is a joy.

jasper · 05/04/2004 23:48

ps when I was post natal I used to cry at Groundforce

Original poster

nightowl · 05/04/2004 23:54

Groundforce!!!?? ok so its not just me then? think maybe one or too of us may have been a teeny bit narked....but i hate being negative on here....always feel so daft

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Original poster

nightowl · 06/04/2004 00:00

ps im sorry to hear your dh is ill misdee...you sound like a lovely, strong person and i know you're right...we all make our own happiness. Sod anyone that thinks otherwise.

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Original poster

nightowl · 06/04/2004 00:52

The more i read that post the more it irritates me so im going to bed. we can be teenage or a lot older - we can still be good mothers. We can be single or attached - we can still be good mothers. We can work or stay at home...and still be good mothers. There is no right or wrong combination. If our children are loved and cared for then we are good mothers. Hope im not gonna get canned for this. i just cant stand prejudice of any kind. eurgggghhh! calm, calm.

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helenmc · 06/04/2004 18:38

Nightowl - Hope you're feeling better this morning.
Years ago at school, they had the director of HR from something like Guinness, and she gave a speach on how her sister left school had kids and then started her career, whilst she had gone to university started her career and the had kids. And basically it didn't matter which way round you did things so long are you're happy with your decision.

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