How can I protect my son from my ex?

[littleminx13]

Hi. I'm new to this and in need of some sort of advice...any advice!!
I split up with my ex after a 3 month fling b4 I discovered I was pregnant. I reluctantly told him I was pregnant and have his name on the birth certificate. He was unreliable with contact, violent towards me (this is after we split!) and a control freak. He doesn't work (he's a mature student!) and I have found out is a well known drug dealer who has had involvements with Heroin and the police records on him at last count over 2 years ago was 54 pages. This includes drug dealing, violence, driving under influence of drink/drugs, possesion, robbery...need I go on? He is trying to get Parental Responsibility and contact. He hasn't seen my son since he was 18 months old and this was at a contact centre, again his attendance was extremely unreliable! I am desperate to give my son a well adjusted safe upbringing and am so scared that the 'Sperm doners' involvement is going to have a negative impact on this. How do I keep him away?? He can take me to court as he is a 'Student' (he's 37!) and i work full time, am up to my eyes in debt so would have to pay solicitors fees and I'm frightened!
Can anyone give me any advice please?

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CAFCAS, the lady from mediation and my solicitor said that as far as the court would be concerned my son wasn't old enough to make that decision and wouldn't be until he was 10! How do they know what my son wants without even meeting him? I was told that it would be in his best interests to have regular contact even if I had to literally drag him kicking and screaming. When he's old ebnough and he still doesn't want to see him then so be it. Makes me so angry all these decisions made for a 4 year old.

God knows it depends on who you get from cafcass! there isn't a set age they went against my very bright sd's wishes at 10 nearly 11

I have seen a Solicitor and she was with me all the way through the Court appearances etc. Now I'm full time I can't afford to pay out that kind of money.

Holidaymum how does your son feel about having to see his dad?

the court will listen to a child's opinion if they are aged 12 and over.

until that age their veiws are expressed via court reports fro CAFCAS.

Littleminx CAFCASS may not give 2 figs about your Xs drug and drinking habits but thats only part of it - in our case the CAFCAS lady was neither with me or my husband she sat on the fence - it was the judges views that actually counted int he end.

When I have more time I will tell you all about it t at the moment DS is trying to help me type!!

Are the initials used for childrens names here or something else? Am I being really dense?

Its complex but its the mum I'm tallking about! WE're the other way round to you! Situation is different and can't say too much on here other than we have a very good counsellor

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littleminx- that is exactly what I was told and it is heart breaking to have to literally drag a 5 tear old to see his Dad when he does not want to. He was having nightmares and bedwetting when he came back, still I was told it was just seperation anixety, this is a tiny child who witnessed his Dad beat me quite badly when I said I was leaving and was hurt by hin in the process.

The court system and CACFCASS are a joke!!

Twinkie1 All I can say is Ha ha ha ha. How old is yours?
CAFCAS did seem to want to sit on the fence. As far as they were concerned though I had done everything I could to go to Contact Centre etc whereas SD hadn't. CAFCAS seemed to be the ones at the time to suggest that Contact was best left until my son had started school and had settled in so as to cause as little disruption in his life as possible.

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CAFCASS didn't even do a report even though I requested one

Thank You CG25. I was being dense.
Holidaymum: my brother is going through an horrific time at the mo regarding contact etc and his estranged wifes new B/F's effect on my nephew and it is awful.
Pedilia: How awful! How have you coped? How is your son coping with it all?

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DS is much happier now t**t seems to have lost interest, still refuses to go though and I will not make him. If and when he decides he wants to go he can.

Normally when t**t goes quiet he is planning something like a call to SS or something similar.

DS - dear/darling son
DD - Dear/darling daughter
DP - Dear/darling partner
DH- Dear/Darling husband

If you look at the top of the page you will see the "Acronym list" it has all you need to know

I too thought that was the only reason CAFCAS were involved?

LOL Thank you scoobydoooo

Pedilia: I really don't like it when they go quiet, you worry for ages about what they will do next then think they've given up and all of a sudden they rear their ugly heads!
Why did I listen to my friends who said that I was out of order if I didn't tell him I was pregnant. I should have listened to the ones that said don't tell him anything!!

For what it's worth, having parental responsibility means very little in reality. My dh has parental repsonsibility for 2 of his children (not mine). They live with their mother who is a drug dealer. He has had absolutely no say in their upbringing, choice of schools or medical decisions. And every time he tries to question something he is ignored by the school officials, medical professionals and social services. I wouldn't worry too much about your ex getting pr, because it won't actually give him any say anyway.

Just wanted to add a quick note re: the Parental Responsibility thing.

If you're unmarried, but he's named on the Birth Cert., and the child's birth was registered on or after 1st December 2003 (not 2002), he gets automatic PR.

Thought it might make a difference to any of you with children born before then.

Hi, thank you everyone for your help etc with this. It is really appreciated. Hopefully Sperm Donor will curl up and die and we can live happily ever after!

Thanks again!