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Lone parents

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50 replies

Loobie · 15/03/2004 16:16

I will be brave and go first.Im 27 and a single parent for almost 2 years now.I have two sons at 8 and 5 and a dd who is 16 months.My eldest ds has autism and a multitude of other things.
I separated from dp when i was 5 mths pg with dd,unplanned baby and ds diagnosis 7 months before led to huge pressures and i asked him to leave,we have stayed very friendly and are in fact possibly on the way back together.
There me done some one else's turn.Go on its not that scary really!!!

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 17/03/2004 15:00

SofiaAmes, I hope you won't mind me asking a very practical question here but how did you organise the logistics of having small children and shagging everything with working parts?
Thanks for your comments Meanbean, I'm going to indulge in a massive rant on another thread about the stress I'm getting from H at the moment.

sb34 · 17/03/2004 17:57

Message withdrawn

SofiaAmes · 17/03/2004 22:07

sorry, bugsy2, i'm a bit of an interloper here. I didn't have children with my first husband, so I didn't have any of them to organize while i was doing all the shagging. Just really wanted to help out, if you are going to go to all the trouble of getting childcare etc., don't waste the evening on the under 30.

SofiaAmes · 17/03/2004 22:20

By the way, if it's an option for any of you. I made ends meet financially by renting out rooms. I rented to a string of really gorgeous australian actresses. It provided constant amusement and since the guys they dated were so utterly unappealling (rich and dumb and too much cologne), I really didn't feel jealous of them either. It helped with the loneliness factor having a person around (they were always waiting around the house for the next audition.

stupidgirl · 17/03/2004 22:34

Erm, sorry, I know I posted here 2 days ago, but it's just dawned on me - how long has there been a lone parents forum????? (and how come I'm always the last to notice these things????)

mammya · 17/03/2004 23:00

Don't worry Stupidgirl, it's all still very recent! Started this week I think.

wobblyknicks · 18/03/2004 15:00

Have just found this so will post too!

I've got one dd, nearly 9 months. Separated from h when dd was 4.5 months, because he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive and I finally realised I shouldn't be putting up with it and the last thing I wanted to do was let dd be affected by it.

Waiting for my divorce to go through at the moment and for everything to settle down. Living with my parents but really hoping the council one day find me somewhere to live!! Don't work at the moment, but about to start studying and hopefully (in many many years from now) become a Psychologist.

Not in the best situation I could hope for at the moment but over the moon to have done the right thing and leave h and very hopeful for the future!!

Ok, there's mine done - sounds like a (strange) Miss World speech!!

Earlybird · 20/03/2004 14:28

Hello - longtime lurker who has finally decided to participate. I'm a lone parent too, but in a way different to most. After 20 years of a career focused life, I decided it was time to re-think my priorities. I have had 3 long term relationships, but none were right for marriage, and certainly not for the added commitment of children. So, at 41, with no potential partner on the scene, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and embarked on the mission of having a child on my own. I went to a private fertility clinic, and on the 4th attempt, conceived with an annonymous donor. I gave birth to my dd 3 years ago, at the age of 42.

I am currently not working, but had planned financially to take a career break as it seemed optimal to focus on dd/motherhood for her early formative years. I plan to return to work in a few more years, when dd is in school full time.

Without a doubt, I sometimes wish it had been possible for me to have a child in the context of a traditional family. But, I had to face facts that I was almost out of time to have a child biologically.

It's sometimes hard to be a lone parent, but I think in many ways I've got it easier than most. I never had a partner, so it's always been this way. I didn't have a huge/emtionally wrenching adjustment to make to suddenly being a lone parent.

I love being a mum, and in learning to take care of dd, have also learned alot about taking care of myself. I'm lucky to have a wonderful part time nanny whose presence gives me a break for chores/errands and a bit of fun. It also is good for dd to have a break from me, so that we can come together again refreshed after a "change of scenery".

Anyway - that's my story. I thought hard before posting as there have been some threads here with quite harsh opinions about the "selfishness" of being a single mother by choice. Rest assured there was nothing impulsive about my decision. It was the only way for me to have a child. Of course, I will do everything in my power to support my dd as she grows, develops, and comes to terms with our non-traditional family. She will know the circumstances of her conception, and it is my fervent wish she will understand how much she was wanted, and how much she is loved.

Dixie · 22/03/2004 02:31

Hi I have two wonderful sons (4 & 20 months). I became a lone parent when my husband left two weeks after the birth of ds2. that was july 2002 so been just over a year & a half. Its been very difficult & tiring but so rewarding as well. Filed for divorce about 4 months ago. ex h to be is awkward with most things but decent about paying maintence. I work part-time 2 days a week. my main thing that gets me down is the loneleness in the evenings when the boys are settled (& the nights they're not settled as no one to 'take a turn' at disturbed sleep!)

Sheila · 02/04/2004 14:50

Hello all - I'm late to this as only just spotted this topic. I've one DS aged 4 and have been a single parent for nearly 2 years, altho' I can't say my xDP was much of a presence in our lives even when we were together (the reason I left him).

I find being a single parent really, really hard - esp. the loneliness since I still can go whole days at the weekend seeing nobody but DS and most evenings am on my own after he's gone to bed. I can't say I'm a natural mum tho' so maybe it would've been hard whatever.

I'm constantly full of guilt at what life without a father does to DS who thinks his dad is fantastic and currently spends all his time saying he wants to go and live with him and not with me anymore - really hurtful!

Also I'm 41 and a bit old for this game!

sum41sbombette · 04/04/2004 23:27

Hi, Im a single mum, at the age of 19. Yes, yes, I know. A "young" mum, but definetly a proud one . My little girl is 15 months now, and I have been apart from her father for 7 months. He is a loving father, but quite frankly I cant stand him, lol. He doesnt see her a lot as he lives about 3 hours drive away from here. I would love to get to know people who are sort of in the same boat as me, as I dont know many other mums. I think my age scares them! Dont worry, I havent got a disease! Lol

Tortington · 05/04/2004 19:54

if your slim and georgious and your disease is catching - you will have to come round for tea

wobblyknicks · 05/04/2004 19:57

Ok, well my nose is well out of joint now!! I'm the baby of MN!!! Now I've been usurped - there's someone even younger than me here sum41!!!

Only joking - hi sum41, hope you have a good time on here - I'm 21 so only a couple of years older.

nightowl · 05/04/2004 21:14

please stop making me feel old you lot! is 26 really bad?

PolarCub · 06/04/2004 04:26

Ok, my turn now!
Another newbie
I'm 24 and have a 5 year old boy. It's always been me and the little one; me and partner split up, then I found out I was pregnant, he was untracable (still is aswell!) so it was my choice to go it alone.
Would be nice to have some male company sometimes though ...lol

I'm currently studying part-time at home with the Open Uni, doing a Diploma in Music. Hopefully become a music teacher at the end of losts of studying.

I live in Scotland, so if there are any other Scottish folk out there would be great to hear from you.

PolarCub

Chocol8 · 10/04/2004 19:51

I only noticed this topic a couple of days ago too! I would probably noticed if it had been called "Single Parents", as I am always going back and forth between "Relationships" and "Special Needs".

Hi, yes another one who feels old - as knocking 39, 1 ds with ADHD and Asperger's, separated 4.5 years ago and looking forward to a much awaited DIVORCE! Yahoooo! Really always single as I am a very independent person.

Re the shagging (loved Sophia's comment about the cost of birth control) I went a bit off the rails after I slung h out - just to make myself feel better about myself and reassure myself I could still pull. Mmmm, less said about that the better, but managed to have a "blind date" with a customer (at work) I had only spoken to on the phone before. He was gorgeous, and a millionaire in to the bargain but only ever saw him twice. It was a great feeling to be wanted and I organised for ds to be looked after by my childminder, my dad and in the evening my h, (first and last time for everything!!) who when I arrived home shagged out (literally) expected the same! Noooooo! Urghh!

All credit to Earlybird for going for it with her eyes wide open - go girl - one of my friends did a DIY version with a turkey baster and has no contact with the father, but has a beautiful baby girl and a great life.

buzzybee · 11/04/2004 09:57

Nice to have forum for those of us in this situation to compare notes.
Almost exactly one year (tomorrow) since my H told me he wanted out despite my earnest pleadings (i feel so stupid in retrospect) to see if we could make it work for dd (now just turned 2). Subsequently found out he'd moved in with his former secretary.
Haven't shagged anyone since although have been on the lookout! Feeling much more positive now and in a funny kind of way it has helped finding out about HER as I'm not having 2nd thoughts anymore about whether we still had a future together.
I work full time and DD goes to daycare. For all his obvious flaws H is a good father and we share her care 50:50 which gives me quite abit of time to myself - I just have to be very organised (and have accommodating friends).
In fact I have a "date" this week (actually coffee over a sandwich) with someone from a website!!!

Earlybird · 11/04/2004 15:28

Chocol8 - Thanks for your words of support. Having dd was the most important decision of my life, and is my life's biggest blessing. Of course, at the moment, she's sitting in her chair refusing to eat any lunch as she's filled herself up with chocolate this morning! Ah, the joys of parenthood!

Chocol8 · 11/04/2004 23:51

Ahh, bless her! She's probably thinking "hey, I'm a kid, that's my job!"

I would LOVE to have another baby, but really feel with the stress I am trying to cope with and my son's problems, it would be too much. I am 39 this year and I think that it would add another 10 years on me. We are visiting friends tomorrow who have a 17 wk old and my ds loves babies (photo opp calling), so will see how he is with her...urghh, am all broody after watching William and Mary!

Buzzybee - good for you! Let us know how it goes!
Ooh, just remembered - I need a man to make a baby - doh!

jmg1 · 12/04/2004 23:40

Message withdrawn at user request

jmg1 · 17/04/2004 13:52

Message withdrawn at user request

mummykat1 · 16/05/2004 01:44

hi every1 im a newbie my names kat im 19 and a single mum i have been seperated from my lil girls dad (she is 17 months now) 2 months im happier with out him but he already has met someone else this is really hard to accept as i hate the thought of someone else mothering my child id love to talk with other people single or not as it really helps having people to talk with i live in hertfordshire but dont mind where u r from xx

tammybear · 16/05/2004 01:46

hi mummykat1. Im 19, not with the father, i have a 17 month old daughter, and in hertfordshire. Where abouts are you?

xx

nightowl · 16/05/2004 04:27

hi mk, im single mum to ds 6, and dd 4 months, usually around late for a chat xx

chloemummy · 18/05/2004 15:56

Hi, I have a 3 yr old daughter called Chloe. I have been on my own since I was pregnant... i am 40 yrs old.

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