How can I convince my DH that I should stay in family home with DS?

[polymear]

DH wants to live apart. We may split, but we may just live apart and try to carry on as a couple. I'm pretty upset, worried how DS (6) will take it. Also I DON'T want to leave our home, DH says we should rent it out and get two separate flats. He said this was because one of us couldn't afford to stay in it on our own. So I worked out a way to stay in it financially, get a lodger etc., but now he says he doesn't want me to stay in it as he'll feel like he's been kicked out, or DS will fell like Daddy's left him. I think there'll be less upheaval for DS if he can stay on in the house he loves. Less upset for me if I can stay on in the house I love. We are seeing a counsellor next week and need to present the pros and cons of all the various living options. What arguments can I present for me and DS staying on in the family home? Is it generally thought to be good for the child to stay in the family home rather than be moved?
DH thinks we'll do 50/50 parenting, but he thinks we do 50/50 now, and it's simply not true (I do much more). I want to find concrete reasons to tell him why it's generally thought to be better if the kid stays on with the Mum in the family home, I know this is often how a spilt goes (i/e mum stays on at the home with the kids) but I don't know the reasons given for this, by the judge, child experts etc. I am desperately unhappy and distraught.

I think I'll always be the main carer regardless as to whether he works or not as I only work school hours..

Is it possible that the being unemployed for 2 years and not feeling valued at home may be part of the problem. If he is unable to work he should be encouraged to do more for his son and at home. Maybe he thinks the only chance he has of doing more is to lead separate lives to prove he is capable of being a more hands on dad. Can you not both day in the house while you go through counselling. Separate rooms is something that will give you space in the short term. You should try leaving more of your sons care to him during this time as this would be lovely for your son and give you confidence at should you separate/divorce you son would still be cared for when with his father and give your husband some purpose in life. Win win win . If he feels more worthwhile and you believe he is contributing more to the family With the help of counselling I recon a lot of the conflict will be resolved.

Well it's not my choice to live separately and he is adamant....he is welcome to do more childcare; I'm not standing in his way. He does look after him; I only said I do more, not that he does nothing.
Why do young children generally get to stay with their mothers in the family home? re there valid reasons for this that I can quote to him?

How long will this non separation live apart last ?is there a time line? Surely dad is not leaving ds anyway but he is leaving you ? Doesn't really matter where anyone lives tho practically speaking easier for you and ds to stay put while h figures it out?
How is he gonna pay his rent ? Is he hoping to have fifty fifty shared residence during this split? Or will come visit ds and ds lives with you? Or ds will visit with him? Or he wants to be main carer as is unemployed? Too many questions for you both to resolve in counselling Or he just sleeps elsewhere but you carry on together in day time?

the child generally stays with the main caregiver, as far as I know.