writing a will.... will this stop ds's dad getting custody of him if i died?

[juicychops]

my ds's dad has been absent from ds's life for the last 5 years since ds just turned 1 (ds 6.5 now) through his own choice. since then there has been no acknowledgement on passing eachother in the street or contact of any shape or form (apart from last month when he was a complete dick head and anounced in front of ds in a park that the little kid he was with was ds's brother - leaving ds completely confused)

I cant see ex choosing to have contact any time in the near future and ds doesn't seem to want to know his dad for the time being. and my opinion is that ds is better off not having him in his life after all this time until of course when ds is old enough to decide he wants to meet him.

My worst fear is that ds's dad will claim parental responsibility if i was to die. this would be a man who is a complete total stranger to ds and i don't want him grabbing this chance to worm his way back into ds's life especially if its not even in ds's wishes or best interests. Also, i don't want his dad to have any chance what so ever of getting his hands on anything i leave ds - which would be every penny i own.

Will a will ensure ds gets to live with my sister as we have agreed? I would want all my money to go to ds and my dad as beneficiary. i have enough people around me and ds to fight against ds's dad and to prove he's not had anything to do with ds for all these years.

Would a will sort this out for definate?

I have done this many moons ago, the solicitor said you can put an addendem to your will stating your wishes and the reasons behind them. But legally they carry no weight. What would happen if your son's Dad wamted him would be that your family and the DS would go to court and a CAFCASS officer would investigate.

The PR won't make much difference but the CAFCASS officer will look at where the best interests of the child lay. If a child has lost his Mum, doesn't know his Dad but has loving family ready to take him in and care for him who he has an established relationship with then it would almost certainly been deemed in your son['s best interest to live with the family he knows and for Dad to have contact, starting off slowly.

I agree with ILT.

Mumsnet gives a bit of a skewed view on the law, when I separated I read up on all of this stuff. Wikivorce is a good site for information

And don't always a assume a solicitor is correct.

I read on here 'no court in the land would make me do this' sort of comments, which tend to be backed up with incorrect support, and I think the court could make you do that.

what ILT and others said.
you can express a preference, you can name a legal guardian in your will ie your sister.
but DS's dad can go to court and apply for contact and residence - as his bio father.
CAFCASS will look at the picture and their report will contribute to the judge's decision.

will depend a lot on eg how old DS is, what preference he says - but if he loses mum; and dad then wants to be in his life - well maybe that would be goog thing.

from what you say tho - chances are that dad isnt interested anyway.

get a will done, name your sister as legal guardian. express preference for ds to go live with her initially - that is all you can do. if dad wants to be involved then courts will support him, tho maybe starting off as visits not residence.

if you not around - court wont be interested in your views any more...and if dad says he changed and wants him - well courts will view it as good thing. but CAFCASS/SS will of course review espec if your sister gives the background. court will look at current arrangements (presumably your sister takes him in initially anyway)

money - well you leave it to DS.

dad will only get hold of it if DS gives it to him of his own accord...