What is reasonable contact with baby from father who left when I was pregnant?

[patchouligirl]

Hi All

My ex-partner left me when I found out I was pregnant, saying that he had been planning to leave me sooner or later anyway. Ouch!

I didn't believe that the father leaving me was a good enough reason not to have the baby and have gone ahead with the pregnancy as a single mum. I am only five months but wanted to ask if anyone had any ideas about what reasonable contact the father could expect to have with our child, given that he hasn't lived with us and won't have developed that bond.

My ex-partner has suggested that he would like to have the child every other weekend. I intend to breastfeed my baby and understand that I could probably hold off handing our child over to him for perhaps a year?

I do want my child to have a relationship with their father and understand that my feelings of rejection and heartbreak might be clouding my judgment here. I don't know of anyone in real life who has found themselves in this situation and thought you might be able to help?

Any advice would be much appreciated

Morally if a guy walks out on his pregnant gf he probably doesn’t deserve to be in the babies life because he’s clearly not a good person, however, the law doesn’t see it that way and many people believe having a father figure, even a shitty one is better than none. I’m not sure I really agree with that because I’ve seen the damage a shit father can do to a child.

In any event, unless he’s dangerous he will be able to have access however it’s unlikely he will get the access he’s looking for when the baby is a newborn due to feeding requirements. As other posters have said little and often is probably better.

I feel a little apprehensive as I am in a similar situation and would hate for my ex to try and force access rights, more so because he is now friends with the woman he left me for (it didn’t work out with her surprise surprise) and he has often described her as neglectful and mean to her children (condoning underage drinking and sex, swearing and shouting and adopting a very laissez faire approach to parenting) and consequentlyII wouldn’t want her anywhere near my baby.

"Overnight" visitation away from the primary caregiver and familiar routines is not in the best interests of the child until approximately age three when there is usually enough language ability for the child to understand where he is going, who will take care of him, what is happening and when he will be returned to his familiar caregiver. It is true, of course, that some children speak quite well at two years and if they do, overnights can be considered somewhat earlier. But, extended time away - especially at night, does create stress for most children."

www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/court