Using the CSA to take the piss

[whiteandnerdy]

Really don't want to do anything about this other than emote.

End of last month, I go to court to sort out child contact with kids. Ex basically states that I'm a crap irresponsible parent, just a bombardment of bile, boils down to I'm not responsible to get the kids to bed at a reasonable time, or get the school in the mornings ... (OK I've got my captain synical hat on today, and say "this has nothing to do with CSA payments being calculated on who has the children overnight"). Anyway contact is changed from me having weekend contact till dropping kids of at school to having them till 7pm on Sundays.

So for the last few weeks it means that I'm returning the kids to their mothers with there uniform in bags. Now all the kids home clothes are migrating to the ex's I've always supplemented the clothes my Ex buys them by buying shoes clothes and school uniform.

For the last year I've also been paying school dinners for one DS and paid about 170 pounds of school dinner arrears for the other DS. I've also been raising her son from a previous marrage as my own, care, housing, food, holidays, toys entertainment, you name it for the last 9 years. Collective financial support for this by either of his biological parents to date is naffin (no wait his dad did buy DSS a bike and those micro skooters back when they were all the rage). Pay maintenance for the kids via CSA, calculated at circa 300 pounds a month.

Now when I send "I'm getting low on kids clothing, could you collect some together for them to use over the weekend".

I get the reply "Maybe you could start buying some. Tesco is open tonight".

I'm just pissed off, clearly she knows I'm already buying clothes for the kids, you know which clothes you've bought and which clothes you haven't. Maybe she's trying to evoke a response so she can go back to court and say, "this shared parenting isn't working out look how angry and out of control he is." Or she's just using the kids to hurt me financially with a "hell you took me to court over the kids ... I'm gonna make you pay."

Anyway, if you made it this far well done! I've heard the 'man up and dig your hells in' comments before, but I've found that is basically the children that get mashed up in the middle when I do. So I guess I'll be off to shops to get more clothes for the kids. Urrgh, just like to point out that 'NRP' doesn't stand for 'Not Real Parent'.

Rant over, 2 and a bit hours till I pick up the kids, can't wait

white, would sending a text actually make her change her behaviour? If not then I don't feel it's worth it - why not post your rant here instead.

Most good mums would rather go without rather than let their children suffer..if she can afford to replace the shoes and chooses not to then you are dealing with a selfish person and your comments are unlikely to change her mind. My mantra is "do what's right for the dc's"..they will make up their own minds when older.

My DSS is now at an age when he recognises the selfish trait in his mum, she has very expensive clothes and a new car yet his school uniform is very limited and we have to buy clothes for him. He knows that in his house his mum come first.

My DH's ex plays exactly these games - or tries to. What she seems to have forgotten is that DH does not give in to attempted emotional blackmail EVER. So, DSS spends his entire Sunday afternoon dressed in his school uniform travelling home because we never used to get any other clothes back. If his shoes leak, his shoes leak until his mother buys him new ones.

There's something to be said for putting your foot down. She now gives in pretty quickly. I find it deeply ironic though that she pretends DSS is the apple of her eye while putting him through all sorts to try to gain a few extra quid off her ex. (And she gets well over a grand a month maintenance which I'm guessing covers her costs)

Sorry all, but i just dont get this. Regardless of what my ex does or doesnt pay. I would NEVER allow a child of mine to walk around in shoes with holes in them or spend sunday in their uniform to make a point to my ex.

What a terrible thing to do to your children. How do you think it makes them feel. Do you want them to take this feeling forward into adult hood just to make a point to your ex?

Well, indeed that echos my sentiments too, I don't understand it either, but I simply can't afford to each week be spending 210 pounds on trousers and 25 pounds on tops each and every week. Only for to have to buy them again the next week ... and so on. I find myself spending close to 30 pounds on clothes a week I don't know if the Ex just bins the clothes or they just get bagged up but I never see them again.

The point about school shoes is, the court order means that they never go to school from my house, therefore I have never sent them to school with holes in their shoes. I therefore asked the infinate wizdom of the internet if I should raise this issue with the Ex or simply replace the shoes and hey not make a fuss about how out of order I think it is.

Also had exactly the same thing with school dinners, the night before the first day of term I got a phone from DS1 asking if I was to pay for school dinners. And if I wasn't to pay for school dinners they would have to make their own sandwiches for school.

I therefore try to explain that I pay maintenace so for the time their mother is responsible for them it's her decision on how to spend that money. Which was greeted with yeah ok, but she tells us we're too poor to buy school meals and we should ask you to pay for school meals if we want them.

I should say I still sneek in a little dinner money each week so they can have a few hot meals or if they forget to make/pack their own packed lunch, which does happen if your aged 11 and don't have any adults to supervise you before you leave the house for school roll eyes and clears foam from side of mouth