My XP broke up with me when I was 8 months pregnant. Our DD is now 6 months old. He came to visit her at my place during the first few months, though has never been very helpful or supportive. (He doesn't pay a penny towards her upkeep; he took his paternity leave as holiday to spend with his new girlfriend and other children). He lives about 1 hour distant from me. In the last couple of months DD and I have seen him about once every two weeks, for a couple of hours max at a time, and usually in a public place (restaurant, park), as he doesn't like to go out of his way to come to mine.
Now I am back at work and DD is at the nursery. He would like to pick her up from there on days when he finishes work in the early afternoon, and take her to his place. I would then have to pick her up from his after work myself. This means a one and a half hour round trip by car for her and for me.
I have always maintained that until she knows him well and is a bit older (e.g. 18 months, 2 years) he should visit her at my place. She should not have to deal with an unfamiliar environment and unfamiliar people all at once. She doesn't really know him, his two daughters, or his girlfriend, who all live with him.
What is your view, and if we were to take it to a family court, what kind of arrangement would a judge be likely to impose? I actually live in Belgium but want to get a feel for the kind of arrangements that other people have.
The truth is, that while until now I've really put myself out to make sure he was involved with her, I've begun to feel that she may actually be better off without him. When we see him it involves rushing around at his beck and call, disrupting her routine, while he does nothing for her - either materially or in terms of time, effort and consideration. I don't see how she can grow up feeling valued or learning self-respect in those circumstances. But for now I'm treading carefully as I know he has equal parental rights since he's on the birth certificate (this is the law in Belgium). Oh how I bitterly regret the day we went to register her together.