I'm 1.5 years down the line from splitting with ex and have used mumsnet a bit for coming to terms with things eg. lone parenting and relocating etc etc
But in my life although I have come on so far and actually feel very stable and happy I still have a lot of anger and resentment about what happened between me and the father of my child.
Today I was talking to my mum n sis about what happened and for the first time I called it domestic violence. But they obviously didn't feel this was the case, that he was just not a nice bloke and a bit of a drinker.
But I feel it's important for my healing to identify what happened to me and understand it. So what is your opinion?
Some rough details;
He started off loving and could often be loving.
Problems began by him not bringing wages home and spending it on booze/curries instead of helping with rent. Meant I had to return to work very quickly after brith against my wishes.
He would put me down on a daily basis saying for example I didn't stand up straight, had no rhythm, couldn't cook. Was less than complimentary about my abilities in the sack but didn't seem to want to bother to satisfy me if you know what I mean (bit embarassing to reveal but actually one of the things that hurts me the most).
If I asked him if he had been paid he would brush me off, if I pressed it he would call me a fing c**t often infront of my dd, then disappear for days on a drinking binge.
He kicked me in the legs, grabbed my arm, held me down by my throat on the kitchen floor, threw beer cans at me, threw a table at me once for leaving some hair in the sink etc
Would often urinate in various places in the house at night and deny it was him the next morn and refuse to clean it up and laugh at me when I got upset
Call me a silly bch if I cried, which i did increasingly because I felt I couldn't cope with all the strain of it all
Told me I had given myself a bruise grip mark on my arm - the last time I confronted him about him giving me bruises
Finally he said he was going to murder me and my girl in our beds if i didn't shut up when he wantd to go back to the pub to see 'his friends' (he told me no-one liked me) at 1.30am when I asked him where he was going. The next morning the locks were changed.
Do you consider this DV or am I over-reacting? I seem to be stuck in my process of recovery over this. Is this 'normal' relationship stuff?
Help me get myself straight. For the last 1.5 plus year I have been going over this stuff every day, often many times a day. I sleep at night now so the insomnia has stopped. But it's like a broken record and I just want someone to say 'this is what happenend to you' and then 'this is how to get over it'