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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Who else doesn't get an overnight break at weekends?

37 replies

Meglet · 28/02/2011 10:22

There's going to be loads of us isn't there .

The DC's don't see their dad so I don't have the pleaure of a social life or a break at weekends (I work part-time in the week). My family help in the week so I can run errands and mum is back up if the kids are ill and can't go to nursery but they don't get sleep-overs at anyones house as they are quite a handful and hard to control.

I think I will cry if anyone else says to me 'oh, haven't you met anyone yet? Don't you go out?'. Um... no, bit hard to leave 2 toddlers in the house in the evenings.

Bit of a moan really .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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exexpat · 28/02/2011 10:30

Me. Widowed, so no ex to take children at weekends. They are older (12 and 8) so not quite so full-on, but not yet old enough to go out for an evening and leave them on their own. I occasionally get a babysitter (though 12-yr-old is getting a bit old for that - he's taller than most teenage girls...), or ask my mum (but she's elderly, not in the best of health and has my disabled father to look after, so no late nights). Best option is to arrange sleepovers for the children, but they don't coincide very often. So my social life is not very active at the moment.

Sleepovers should get more possible for you as they get older - at your mum's, if not with friends?

JustForThisOne · 28/02/2011 10:49

count me in!
got a friend text msg last friday from single friend...."I'm here with my friend from Camden why dont you join us, would really like you to meet him"
not only can I not to go out but I get teased too

MatureUniStudent · 28/02/2011 10:56

Four children here, so a social life is impossible. Also, who would really be interested in taking on a single mum with four children?! So my social life is the supermarket shop, the occassional quiz night or meeting up with the girls when the children are in school during the day. It keeps me happy.

JustForThisOne · 28/02/2011 11:00

smile @ taking on MUS
I only have one but "getting on with age"... so hardly surprising no cue at the door!

Original poster

Meglet · 28/02/2011 11:18

mus I'm so glad someone else considers the supermarket a social life .

The thought of lighter evenings and warmer weather always makes me want to go out, so I start sulking because I can't put nice clothes on and go out.

Maybe it's not so much the overnight break, it's also having no-one in the house on weekend mornings to share the breakfast, newspapers, relaxing with.

I guess I can train the kids to make breakfast by the time their 6/7? At least I won't have to spring out of bed quite so often .

OP posts:

molemesseskilledIpom · 28/02/2011 11:18

Me. Ex in another country and am having real trouble finding sitters for the kids. So no social life for me what so ever at the moment.

Theyremybiscuits · 28/02/2011 11:24

Me too! Good to meet some others in the same boat.

Do you sometimes moan to yourself and the sheer unfairness of it all and then other times (rare, heh heh) that you wouldn't have it any other way?

Do you know what I mean?

My eldest is a happier boy since he hasn't been forced to stay over.
At the moment, he is refusing to see his dad at all - he is very angry with him for various reasons.

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2011 11:27

is there any way any of you could meet other single parens..say at Gingerbread or something similar in your area, then perhaps swap babysitting duties once a month or so?

MatureUniStudent · 28/02/2011 11:35

To be honnest, there have been a few very generous offers towards me, and I too am rather mature - the children happily tell me that I am closer to death now than youth... anyway - one offer from a chap made me think and then I though, nah. I'd have to shave my legs, worry about my stretch marks, loose weight, dye my grey hairs, find a babysitter (ha) be interested in boring chat about cars, stock exchange, boys things - God Forbid - sport, etc. I am content with no life and the ONLY bit I miss is someone bringing me a cup of tea in bed, as I am always the first up. However, I have seriously pondered this and in one bright moment decided to get a travel kettle, tray, mug and bags under my bed for those cups of tea in bed! See - no need for a man afterall.

Lemonylemon · 28/02/2011 11:55

Me too. Widowed. Two kids - 13yo DS and 3yo DD. I never have any time at all when one or either of them is with me. I don't have a social life and spend my weekends doing jobs around the house as I work full-time. My Mum COULD have them for an evening or overnight, but never offers. That's fine by me us three musketeers are doing OK

exexpat · 28/02/2011 12:00

Dropdeadfred - swapping babysitting doesn't really work for lone parents - who looks after your kids while you are babysitting for someone else?

The only possibility is taking yours for a sleepover at the other person's house, or having theirs to sleep at yours, and that is easier said than done, specially when they are little.

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2011 12:55

exexpat - yes the sleepover was what i imagined....travel cots round to one parents and/or one of those little blow up beds for kids...then a fortnight later do it the other way?

GrownUpNow · 28/02/2011 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FionaJT · 28/02/2011 13:51

Me too. Especially get cross when invitations to go out come from other single mums who do get 'weekends off' and assume I do too (although I fully appreciate that kids moving between Mum and Dad brings a whole nother set of problems that I am very glad not to have to deal with).
Having said that my dd is now 6 and quite sensible. She has been to stay overnight with a friend who has a daughter the same age, who has offered to do the same again if I want to get away. And another time stayed with a friend of hers whose Dad looked after them both while me and her Mum went out! It's still an occasional treat (for both of us as she loves sleepovers) rather than the basis of a regular social life, but it feels like a small step in the right direction.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 28/02/2011 13:53

I'm in the same boat. I've got one DS aged 4 and his 'dad' chose never to see him, so I don't get any weekends off. I work part time so have two days per week to myself while he's at school so I try to make the most of that by doing wildly exciting things like watching a DVD in peace or going for a run. About once a month my parents have DS overnight but tbh the last thing on my mind is a wild night out. For one, I don't have anyone to go out with as all my friends are married and have no interest in nights out without their H, and anyway, all I usually want to do when given the opportunity is get an early night and a lie-in! Sad, but true.

overherepetal · 28/02/2011 14:10

DS has never met his father. I'm quite lucky I suppose though as my parents live nearby and will have him overnight, but I always feel a bit guilty about disturbing his routine and feel like I should be spending that time with him.

It's always been important for me to have a bit of me time though. Like SoftKitty, I make the most of the time when he's at school and I've always felt it was more important to do that than to try to work all the hours I could. I might not have wild nights out but I can go to the cinema or a gallery, and I've had lunch dates and met friends for coffee in the morning. Sometimes I'll even have a sneak back into bed for a nap during the day .

ciderandblack · 28/02/2011 14:43

Me as I also have two toddlers and my ex lives abroad. I shouldn't complain as he does see them occasionally so I do get the chance to go out sometimes but I can't see a new relationship working that well when I can only go out once every couple of months. Baby sitters are so expensive but I do save up and use them once in a while. I start to feel really fed up if I stay in all the time and that is no good for my children.

eden263 · 28/02/2011 14:48

Me! DS1 & 2's dad lives abroad so hasn't had them to stay for about 5 years, DD's dad is on limited supervised access (and I wouldn't send her to him anyway). Haven't spent a night away from DD yet (she's 2.5)

Doesn't really bother me any more though, it's been so long! I split up from XH in Jan 1997 so have had 14 years of no social life!

Original poster

Meglet · 28/02/2011 20:37

mus I think it's the cup of tea in bed which is the killer . Just for once I would like to be woken up by an adult voice and a cuppa and not by another Duplo creation from DS at 6:30am on a weekend. (Although he does make fab things, today he made an Octonauts base ).

I did join gingerbread the other day. They have got some good campaigns going, haven't looked at the meet up's / groups yet.

OP posts:

everythingchangeseverything · 28/02/2011 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemonstartree · 01/03/2011 10:39

me. My kids are 6,8 &12. H does not have them overnight. Not fit to TBH, so I always have childcare responsibilities. I also work FT.

Hasn't stopped me meeting a fab new partner tho'

theredhen · 01/03/2011 10:42

I've always got annoyed when people seem to think that all single parents are the same - we never make that comparison about married / co-habiting parents.

I've normally managed to get a night without DS when ex has him once a fortnight and consider myself fortunate to have that break. I don't have any family who could help.

I'm now with DP who has his kids one third of the time. His ex doesn't work, so has 6 hours every day when they're at school and a minimum of 2 days off one week and 4 days off the next week when we have them. She asked for kids to go back early one weekend then complained to everyone who would listen that she only had 2 nights to herself and it was barely worth her ex having them!

McGrumpyPantsofGrumpington · 01/03/2011 11:52

Ex did used to have kids overnight once every fortnight but split up with his girlfriend back in September. He is now living with his mum and dad and is in no hurry to find his own place so he can start having them overnight again.

It would be nice to have a break sometimes though, much as I love the girls as my mum will only have them overnight if one of them has a party or something, not for me to expand my social life.

McGrumpyPantsofGrumpington · 01/03/2011 11:52

use not used

fluffybunny5353 · 01/03/2011 12:07

lemon how did you meet him ?
i have 3 and like MUS think most guys run at the thort lol
i am liking the ider of sleep overs and would be happy to have someone elases kids here one weekend if there mum would have mine one night .

i have been on my own 3 years and in that time have left the house once with out a DC .but way hay in about 7 years time i might get another night out lol

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