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Lone parents

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Original poster

do i have sole legal custody of ds?

27 replies

juicychops · 22/02/2011 20:35

ds hasn't seen or heard from his dad for 5 years now (ds is only 6) ive not heard anything from him since 5 years ago when he said he doesn't want anything to do with ds ever again.

i make all decisions regarding ds and his health/welfare. ds has his dad's surname which i tried to get changed but ds's dad refused permission to change it, and i spent 2 years trying to get legal aid to go to court but it never made it to court as they said as ds is in no danger from his dad i cant get his name changed through legal aid, i would have to pay the fees of around £1500 to get it done. due to being completely skint i have had to leave ds's name as it is. This is the only link he has to his dad. He doesn't see him and we get no maintenance from him

My question is, although i have ds with me full time and i am effectively his only parent now, do i legally have sole legal custody? or do me and his dad legally have joint custody?

OP posts:
Meglet · 22/02/2011 20:38

Good point. I have no idea, will watch with interest.

I would like to change the dc's surnames too, haven't had chance to look into it properly though.

girliefriend · 22/02/2011 20:40

No I don't think so, to have parental rights there is a certain criteria you have to meet and I don't thin he would meet them, where you married and is he named on the birth certificate?

I think if you googled 'parental rights' it should tell you. FWIW I think thats rubbish re not being able to change your sons name.

girliefriend · 22/02/2011 20:43

direct.gov.uk - sorry don't know how to do links but I just googled and that site tells you who has parental responsibilities.

tribpot · 22/02/2011 20:44

Have a look here for a definition of the rules of parental responsibility. Assuming you never married his dad, and live in England, it depends if you registered the birth together.

As I understand it, you can use a different surname for ds if that's what you choose (despite what his passport might say), although at 6 he might think it was a bit strange?

peeriebear · 22/02/2011 20:44

There is a bit in the deed poll where you can submit a letter explaining why you do not have the absent parent's permission for the name change (usually no contact/maintenance). I don't know about the custody though sorry. Good luck xx

pookamoo · 22/02/2011 20:45

I think the key thing is were you ever married to his dad?

Not an expert though, I'm sure somebody will come along.

Original poster
juicychops · 22/02/2011 20:50

we wasn't married (thank god) but he is on ds's birth certificate.

i know, total shite that i couldn't change his name. bet it costs the courts next to nothing in money and hassle for a case as simple as a name change but no, point blank refused unless i coughed up the money even though i was clearly on a low income due to getting legal aid.

one day il be able to afford it

i shall have a look on the links now (smile)

OP posts:
Original poster
juicychops · 22/02/2011 20:57

it says on one of the links that ds's dad has 'aquired' parental responsibility by registering ds's birth with me. although in the list of things that define parental responsibility he doesn't fulfil a single one.

so what does that mean legally?

surely he cant LEGALLY have any responsibility over ds?

OP posts:
tribpot · 22/02/2011 21:02

From my reading of the Yougov site I don't think being named on the birth certificate is enough (assuming you're in England) - he had to be present when the birth was registered.

Mind you, I also note that the site says "All parents (including adoptive parents) have a legal duty to financially support their child, whether they have parental responsibility or not." - frankly that's what I'd be spending my money on, not arguing the toss about your ds' surname. I can appreciate why that would be an important moral victory for you, however - but i would be wanting to clarify the parental responsibility issue so that if you died, for example, your ds didn't end up with his dad against both of their wishes ...

MollieO · 22/02/2011 21:03

Ds is 6. As I understand it the fact that ds's father is on the birth certificate automatically gives him PR (law was changed to this effect in 2003 or thereabouts). Ex has only seen Ds once (at 10 days old when the birth was registered). Ds doesn't have his surname but that doesn't make any difference.

girliefriend · 22/02/2011 21:03

you might have to chat to someone at CAB I'm not sure to be honest, I wouldn't have thought so from what you have described esp if he hasn't had any contact or paid any maintance but......

eviscerateyourmemory · 22/02/2011 21:04

If he wasnt present then as he was not married to the OP he could not have been named on the birth certificate.

MollieO · 22/02/2011 21:05

You cannot name the father on the birth certificate if you aren't married and he isn't before the registrar.

girliefriend · 22/02/2011 21:05

Im guessing if you are not married he would have had to of been there to have his name on the birth cert Sad

eviscerateyourmemory · 22/02/2011 21:05

Sorry, I didnt word that well. What I was trying to say is that if the mother is unmarried a man can only be named as the fatheer on the birth certificate if he attends to register the birth.

MollieO · 22/02/2011 21:07

Legally if you die then your ds's next of kin is his father. Even if he has no contact and pays no maintenance.

JustForThisOne · 22/02/2011 21:07

he can unless a Court amends that. OP will have to ask the Courte but may be counterproductive (just like he refused to name change) Unfair, yes
I'm pretty sure she couldn't take the child abroad for more than 28 days without authorization. OP do you know if you could do that?

JustForThisOne · 22/02/2011 21:11

ops sorry, i meant to post msg following OP 20:57:13
Blush

I'm useless

tribpot · 22/02/2011 21:14

I hadn't quite realised that distinction but Mollie is quite right in terms of him having to have been present during the registration.

In this case I hope there is a way of applying for his PR to be dissolved, which would seem to be in the best interests of all based on what juicychops has posted.

Original poster
juicychops · 22/02/2011 21:17

no idea if i could do that or not. i could just say i dont know where ds's dad is so have no way of getting permission etc?

my worst fear is dying and ds being left with his dad. although i have family members on my side and a couple on his side who know i would never want ds to be left with him. they all agree that wouldn't be in ds's best interests. My insurance money through my work if i died is entrusted to my dad for ds as i know otherwise it could end up going to ds's dad if i left it directly to ds. I need to do a will really just to make it clear what my wishes are. although i know that wouldn't be strong protection and he could still fight it

its so crap. He doesn't deserve a child yet he has the rights to just turn up one day if he ever feels like it and play happy families.

just to clear things up, me and ds's dad both registered ds's birth together - biggest mistake of my life!

OP posts:
girliefriend · 22/02/2011 21:21

Yes it makes me feel relieved that my dds non existant father is not on the birth cert, it really doesn't seem fair but def something you should look into further. Good luck.

Also reminds me that I really do need to do a will as well!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
juicychops · 22/02/2011 21:50

just emailed a local solicitor specialising in family law. hopefully they can advise me. will let you know. thanks everyone

OP posts:
peeriebear · 22/02/2011 21:50

This is from Direct.gov.uk :
" According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsibility only if he is married to the mother when the child is born or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:

* (from 1 December 2003) by jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother
* by a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
* by a parental responsibility order, made by a court"

So because he went to register the birth he has PR, though he fulfils none of the expectations.

MollieO · 22/02/2011 22:16

Juicy, you can have a letter of wishes to put with your will. The court will take this into account in deciding what is best for your child. I think it is unlikely they would place him with your ex unless there is no other alternative.