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Taking Ex to Court

42 replies

tattymouse · 25/01/2011 17:28

Hello

I've been sharing the care of my son for five years with my ex. For four years I've been planning to take my son for a year to Spain. A plan which my ex has known about since the beginning. He always said I could go although he's expressed that he's unhappy with the idea. I for my part have promised to rent a three bedroomed flat so he can come and stay when he wants. I've offered to pay for some flights and said it will only be a year. All this I've said I would write down and get witnessed by a lawyer. The trip is planned for August: I've done a TEFL course so I can work, I've found an English speaking school that I will pay for and I've got my company to agree to giving me a year off. With only months to go my ex has said I can't go. I know it would be a big wrench for him as he looks after him three days a week. But it would be a great adventure for my son and me. My ex won't budge so I am thinking of taking him to court(only £200) if I represent myself. Has anyone done something similar? Any advice would be gratefully welcome. Tatts

OP posts:
JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 12:44

surely a child whole life should evolve around what is fair for either mum or dad
a child is not a property ffs
I will be thrilled if my son had a father with some initiative
I will see the good in it before thinking tit for tat
but than this is me

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 12:44

surely a child whole life should NOT evolve around

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 12:46

it isn't about the child being property. it is about the child's right to a relationship with both parents. for OP to remove her child for a year is for her to deny teh child that relationship in the way he has kown it for 5 years.

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 12:51

the world is full of families who live apart, often because of work
lets hope father goes back on his decision and allow his son to go and have a great time, because sure thing ds would

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 12:53

but this isn't necessary for work, it doesn't need to happen. i dont see why the child's relationship with dad should suffer because OP wants to go to a different country for a year.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 12:56

my EX works in another country. there will never be a chance of his job being moved here.he gets home roughly once every 6 weeks for a weekend. i see everyday what that does to my son. if it wasn't for work, my EX would not put our child through that. i cant understand why someone would choose to do that outside of the need to work.

bratnav · 26/01/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 16:24

I cannot answer this question Brat as it is not the way I see it

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 16:34
Confused
gillybean2 · 26/01/2011 16:58

If you were going permanently you'd have more luck in court (though still wouldn't be certain to achieve it). Going for a year and then coming back will mean you are less likely to achieve this should you go to court.

You haven't answered the question as to how you would feel if youe ex asked for the same from you (ie taking ds away for a year and reducing your very good contact to almost nothing by comparison while making you totally dependant on him to pay for any contact that may or may not happen, having to live in his house to have that contact, and the possibility that after the year he may decide not to come back if life is so good/met new partner/enjoying the additional parenting time to much to want to share it again...)

Also if you are prepared to take a part time job for a year over there to spend more time with your ds rather than the drudge of real life here, why not take a part time job here and spend more time with your ds? Or get a part time job and make up the income working nights on the days he is at his dads. Or get a term time only job so you can spend all the holidays with your ds.
There are many ways to spend more time with your ds which don't involve uprooting his life so totally.

And yes of course he is excited about it (with you telling him dad can visit as often as he wants and how fab it was when you did this at his age). The reality of it will be quite different and his dad won't be able to come every weekend and hold down his job and other commitments/life
And say he did want to come over for half a week every week are you going to pay for that? How exactly on this part time salary you intend to have are you going to pay his travel costs and at what point are you going to say 'sorry not got the money for it'...?

You need to sit down and ask your ex what his difficulties are with the decision and what you'd need to do for him to agree to it. You may not like the answer and he may well so he won't allow it.
WHat if he said only if he could come too? Or only if he could have the same in return the following year..

Also you said he's always said he didn't agree with it, so deep down you've probably always know, just haven't bothered to think about it because it didn't fit in with your plans and you've only listened to the parts you wanted to, npt what he was actually thinking and feeling about it. Now it's a reality he's making sure you know how he really feels.

He can stop you going, and it would take you many months to go through court to get any kind of decision. By which time your year would be up.

Think very carefully about what is best for your ds and both his parents here. Because it seems to me you are fixated on this dream and on what you want.
Your ds has a right to a relationship with both his parents. The court will uphold that right for him. You will be the one who ends up going to spain (alone), or not at all (assuming you wouldn't walk out on your ds for a year - which is what you are asking your ex to do), unless you can compromise and reconsider your plans to include your ex and listen to what he wants and needs here.

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 17:05

I may be wrong but I think OP will do the right thing
I have the feeling she came here to vent her disappointment at seeing something she had so long and carefully planned all of the sudden falling to bits

QueenofWhatever · 26/01/2011 20:10

I'm with gillybean and niceguy. If you want to go to Spain that badly, why can't your DS stay here with his Dad? If you want to spend more time with your son, get a part time job here.

I think you are way off the mark saying that your son doesn't think about his Dad when he's with you. You don't want to see it.

bestmamaderwelt · 29/01/2011 22:10

Sorry am i being thick? why do you have to go to court? surly your ex cant stop you.

I actually think go for it. Even though your son will be attending an English school im sure he will pick up the language and to be bilingual would be such a great start in life. As would the experience.

It would be a wrench but having traveled extensively though out Spain i think there attitude to children is amazing and eye opening, besides its not that far and children are so adaptabl.

Good luck!

BringOnTheGoat · 29/01/2011 22:22

I don't think court will agree with you going. Having said that I think he's being short-sighted. It is temporary and would be a wonderful experience for DS. Agree with just

Snorbs · 29/01/2011 22:39

bestmamaderwelt, her ex could stop her. Or, at least, he could apply to court for a prohibited steps order to stop her taking their son out of the country. Under the circumstances I think he would have a reasonably good chance of getting a judge to agree. This isn't a fortnight's holiday. It's a whole year. That's a very long time to an 8yo.

Anyway, in my experience sharing care for a child is best done (where possible, obviously) on a basis of communication and compromise, not one of "I'm going to do what I like and you can't stop me!" That's unnecessarily antagonistic.

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 29/01/2011 23:31

How incredibly selfish. I agree that you would not persuade a judge either.

As the NRP I would be horrified if my exH even suggested this.

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 29/01/2011 23:39

JustForthisone, you think the father is simply jealous? Really? Put yourself in his position, I doubt jealously would be the primary emotion....

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