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Childrens names

42 replies

sarbie · 16/11/2010 14:11

I got devorced last year and have gone back to my maiden name as my ex has re married.

I wanted to add my name to my childrens but he won't allow it.

Is there something I can do or can he still control parts of my life as well as the children. Thanks

OP posts:
UnlikelyAmazonian · 16/11/2010 21:25
Biscuit
UnlikelyAmazonian · 16/11/2010 21:27

this LP site is mostly shite.

evolucy7 · 16/11/2010 21:37

Hi there, on a sensible note, on advice of my solicitor and ex's solicitor (he was told the same so he agreed without going to court) my 2 children had my surname added. The advice was that if he did not agree we would go to court and in the interests of the children and their identity from mother and father an order would almost certainly be made that they should have both our surnames.

I would ask a solicitor.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 16/11/2010 21:37

What name should go on the birth certificate?

SMummyS · 16/11/2010 21:52

evolucy7 I think that only works if the mother hasnt re-married. My DP's exW went to try to put her new married name on the end and was told no by the court..

evolucy7 · 16/11/2010 21:59

Yes you may well be right but I did not think that the OP had re-married I thought it was her ex that had remarried, so it should be ok for her children to have her maiden name as well as their dad's name?!

SMummyS · 16/11/2010 22:00

yeah that would be ok for now, but then the problem arises if she ever re-marrys.. was just a though :)

evolucy7 · 16/11/2010 22:06

Yes I know what you mean, it could be never ending! I've always thought that if I got re-married I'd either keep my maiden name or have a double barrelled with new name at end, so at least me and the girls all the first surname the same....who knows :)

UnlikelyAmazonian · 16/11/2010 22:07

congratulations

SMummyS · 16/11/2010 22:18

Yeah I know what you mean. There is only me and my brother who can carry on our surname so I'm torn but I've got a bit of time to decide.

evolucy7 · 16/11/2010 22:22

Whatever people may say about it not really mattering or something, for me I like to have at least in part now, the same surname as my children Blush

hairytriangle · 17/11/2010 17:43

Unlikely Amazonian you sound horribly bitter and twisted. Where do you get off declaring what other people should or shouldn't do?

UnlikelyAmazonian · 17/11/2010 19:52

Hi hairy I am not bitter and twisted by any means.

But yes I do get bloody angry with my weird ex husband and his horrible family now and again. There is a big difference.

I have been following your other thread. Can I give you a large enveloping hug. You have been brave, resilient and funny.

My husband and his family left me and our son to die. They haven't given a shit.

Thankfully I am still here and so is my lovely boy.

More good wishes to you. xxx

sarbie · 17/11/2010 20:19

Thank you evolucy7, that was just the type of answer I needed.

When I married I wanted to take on my husbands name as I married for keeps.

I have found it hard at school, doctors and so on having a diff name to the children.

If i did marry again I would use my maiden name along side my married name so that I always have that connection to my children.

This was my 1st post and I am not sure what most of it was about but thanks again. x

OP posts:
evolucy7 · 17/11/2010 21:20

Yes exactly my thoughts about the name connection, I asked for my surname first for the children and then would also keep my surname first and married name second, so it was always e.g.(names changed) me, Sarah Brown-Scott and children Sally Brown-Plonker and Katy Brown-Plonker (the latter being his surname.

hairytriangle · 17/11/2010 22:35

Thanks for your good wishes, UnlikelyAmazon and your compliments - I really appreciate that.

It's just that you do sound as if you believe because of the way things have been for you, you are now posting very strongly about what other people should do - and calling them stupid when they don't agree - and that is very extreme.

Your anger certainly shows.

FWIW I changed my name when I got married. I'm now in the process of changing it back by deed poll, it's not that much hassle.

If a child is given a name when it's born, then that is the child's name, for one parent to attempt to change it is wrong IMHO.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 18/11/2010 09:04

Hmm, I think there are sometimes good cases for changing a child's surname. I agree though that there have to be strong reasons.

I applied to the family court to change ds's surname and the judge agreed in under five minutes flat.

I think and hope, that if the Court felt it would have been wrong to do so, the judge would not have granted my application.

As for getting angry, yes I do get very angry sometimes. I felt I was being patronised when told that 'a woman has a choice not to take her husband's surname...nobody held a gun to your head'.

As I said, I do know that a woman doesn't have to take his name. But when you are in love and marrying the man, few women decide not to. It is very traditional after all - much like many other aspects of weddings and the marriage rite. Nothing wrong with tradition. But in the case of taking a man's name, it still seems extremely old fashioned and I wish it wasn't the 'norm' still. It's as though the woman is his 'chattel' and 'belongs' to him etc.

If the marriage breaks down it is the woman who faces the mountain of legal and paperwork to change her name back. And on top of that, I still get called Mrs and I am constantly correcting people. A man just does not have these problems. He can walk away with his identity still wholly in tact. He remains Mr and his surname is still his domain name.

That is all.

Again, many good wishes to you. xxxx

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