Ex turning up on non contact weekends

[marl]

Just wondered if any of you know what the legal position might be on this. Have, for the first time in 10 years of difficult negotiation with my ex, agreed that we would enable our DD to join a sports group that runs on Sundays - ie we both need to take her on our respective weekends. He has now decided that he is also perfectly entitled to come and watch her on his non-contact weekend. I can't really accept this - I normally watch with my husband and our other child and am not keen to mix the two. He has been quite abusive and difficult in the past, and frankly I think this is yet another play by him to be awkward. We have very clearly defined 'contact' in an order but frankly I guess a judge would see this as a petty issue and I have little money or energy left to keep giving it to lawyers. I'm reluctant to stop her doing the activity, as of course it would be me being the bad guy, which is probably partly what he is baiting me with...but on the other hand I can't spend a couple of hours with him on my weekends - albeit not sitting together, but still I'm aware of him there in the group of parent audience - just not relaxing.Last week I just didn't turn up to watch, unlike most parents, so all this meant was he was 'with her' and I wasn't...on a weekend she spends with me. Any ideas? Have spoken to him about this but just got shouted down and told I was unreasonable.

agree agree, and as other posters have mentioned, keep in mind what will happen in the future when it comes to graduation, weddings, christenings etc. At some point both parents are going to be together in the same room for the same aim of supporting the child. Imagine what the wedding photos are going to be like! Just try and grin and bear it - as one wise person said, if you can change how you feel about it and go along relaxed, your child will thank you eventually. Imagine how the child feels, knowing (or perceiving) that you dont like her dad being there to support her. She may feel torn.

Apologies for adding my thoughts - I was searching threads and came across this one.

It sounds as if your situation is very similar to the one I am in (albiet I have only been separated for three years rather than ten). My ex partner is a controlling and abusive man (again, not really physically), and the issue is more that he uses his contact with the children as a way to carry on control/abuse. I too get responses like "it's great he wants to see/have a relationship with the children", because on the surface that seems to be what is happening.

I imagine you spent a long time trying to get him to agree for your daughter to go to the activity she wanted to on Sundays, rather than miss every other one. And it seems to me that because he has had to 'lose control' (i.e. has had to give in to the Sunday arrangement on his Sundays), his turning up on your Sundays is a way to reassert his control. I.e. it is nothing to do with how happy it makes him to watch his daughter/having a good relationship with his daughter, and it is entirely to do with you.

How does your daughter feel about him turning up? Is she happy that he comes?

Legally I have no idea where you stand but it does seem your contact time shouldn't have to include him in it (and two hours is a large part of that). If there have been issues in the past (police? non-molestation order?) would it be worth trying a solicitor's letter? Anyway, perhaps by now your daughter has stopped the activity - at any rate, I hope things are better now.