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Ex newly remarried - wants to change arrangements (long)

28 replies

omnishambles · 24/09/2010 16:22

I dont know where to start with this so I'll keep it simple.

Ex and I used to be friends - we sorted the separation all out amicably - the days that ds would be with us and the child maintenance payments.

At the time I was a bit miffed that exdp had ds every weeeknd but got over it and it was best for ds.

Now ex has remarried and wants not to have ds on fri night and saturday - but sunday night instead - so keeps his 3 nights and is moaning about the maintenance (which isnt as much as he should pay) saying that he doesnt know what I spend it on as we split all the school uniform and extras etc.

Should I give in and have ds on saturday as well - we obv wouldnt mind that much as we would get to do things that we cant now - like got to museums etc but I am the one who is going to have to explain it to ds who is going to be upset and with good cause I think - surely its not the best way for a stepmum to start out -exs new wife I mean.

Is it depressingly normal for this to happen once your ex remarries? he says they need time on their own - but surely its time as a family they need - after all his wife knew that ds would be there every weekend when they were going out and now suddenly its all changng.

I suppose I just feel sad for ds.

OP posts:
theredhen · 26/09/2010 12:28

Hmmm.. my first thought was that he sounds like a great Dad and why on earth should he not have some free time at the weekends? As DS is at school all week, he is obviously spending far more of his time with his Dad than he is with you and why wouldn't you want to spend some time with him at weekends too?

However, after reading your last post, I am a bit concerned that he didn't want DS at his wedding. Shock.

I'm engaged to my partner and frankly, he wouldn't even consider a wedding without his children and I would certainly want my DS there too.

CarGirl · 26/09/2010 14:38

Omni I hadn't realised it was your ds who was allowed at the wedding ShockShockShock

Have you written and asked your ex how he thinks this looks to ds and how must ds feel about not being wanted on Saturdays at all anymore?

I don't think being tied to every weekend is that great in the long run, every other weekend with flexibility to swap around is far easier when it comes to making arrangements.

I'm tempted to suggest that you approach cafcass for their input?

omnishambles · 26/09/2010 16:33

I think you're right Cargirl - we need to think about every other weekend and some different arrangements during the holidays.

It was lovely for me to have some quality time with ds yesterday when I wasnt chivvying him to get dressed or do his homework.

I know theredhen - he was/is a great dad - my anxiety comes from the fact that everything suddenly seems to be shifting.I never thought he'd get together with someone if it affected his relationship with ds as it was so strong but maybe I was wrong...we'll see.

This thread has been so helpful for me - thanks so much, I normally shy away from this sort of personal thread as am terrified of being outed.

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