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Original poster

Which life would you pick?

52 replies

agreentowel · 05/12/2024 16:23

Imagine you’re looking to start a family in 2025. You currently live in option 1, but you’re not sure whether to stay there.

Which option would you pick?

Option 1 (Scotland)

  • 400 miles from family and friends
  • Easy commute to work
  • Mortgage £800 p/m
  • 3 bedroom, lovely house with garden
  • Catchment area for great school
  • Nice area with lots going on for children
  • Higher tax
  • No funded childcare until age 3

Option 2 (London)

  • Closer to family and friends
  • Commute for roughly an hour a day
  • £1500 p/m mortgage
  • Smaller house, in a less desirable area
  • Free childcare from 9 months
OP posts:
Cat5689 · 05/12/2024 18:39

I wish I was near my family. So option 2. But it does sound like that's the only thing drawing you back to London.

kiraric · 05/12/2024 18:41

What are your career prospects like in both locations?

For me it would be 2 all the way - close to family and friends is a big deal with children, but I love London.

SeatonCarew · 05/12/2024 18:42

Toss a coin, having allocated heads and tails. Just before it lands, listen to which side you are willing it to land on. Do that.

Carsarelife · 05/12/2024 18:44

For me it would be option 2. Childcare is expensive and I wouldn't want to be 400 miles from family

DeedlessIndeed · 05/12/2024 18:47

We are in option 1. 350 miles from family, just had a baby 4 months ago.

We've been able to build up a lot of equity here, in a large house in a lovely neighbourhood. House prices in some areas of Scotland are the fastest rising in the country, so I disagree with PP that the growth won't be so much.

However, we have been a bit tempted to move down South since the birth of our daughter. Family are keen to travel up to see a new baby, but I'm unsure if they'd be so willing when baby is older. Travelling with kids is a faff, and only going to get more difficult as DD gets more mobile.

I think if you have a very supportive and selfless partner, then it's easily do-able. Having DH take over his fair share has helped me massively post-partum. However if you can't get that support at home, I would stay near family until kids are a bit older.

StormingNorman · 05/12/2024 18:48

agreentowel · 05/12/2024 17:34

Thank you all!! I should have mentioned that I’ll probably need 3 days childcare a week for option 1, but 0 childcare for option 2 as my parents will be able to help out.

Lots to think about and I appreciate your insights.

Don’t count on three days per week from your parents. Even if they offered this is t going to last long.

Eddielizzard · 05/12/2024 18:56

Option 2. Family becomes really important when you have kids.

Blahblahblah2 · 05/12/2024 19:00

Option 2, no contest. It's really hard to raise a family when you live miles away from family and friends.

Havalona · 05/12/2024 19:05

You know what decision to make as your gut is telling you.

What is it?

Childcare only lasts for a few years no matter how financially constraining it is at first.

Anon1029 · 05/12/2024 20:02

Option 1 a million times over. We're in London in a not so nice area and we're desperate to leave. It's not a nice place to raise a family. There's no way I'd actively choose to move here. Add in the long commute you'd face, worse schools, smaller house and I genuinely don't see the benefits of your Option 2. You will make friends when you have a baby, and I really wouldn't count on three days a week childcare promised by your parents before you're even pregnant.

Aria999 · 05/12/2024 20:16

Option 1.

You seem happy where you are, and moving is disruptive and expensive. Also a 1 hour commute would be horrible with little kids.

Try where you are first, which sounds really nice. You can always move later if you feel like you need more support.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/12/2024 20:17

I really wouldn't count on three days a week childcare promised by your parents before you're even pregnant.

Totally agree!!

I've seen lots of friends left nonplussed when grandparents who had BEGGED to provide childcare for future grandchildren proved unable to offer more than occasional babysitting in reality. In one case a friend's mother was desperate for grandchildren... until the first one was born, upon which she and the child's grandfather announced that they were retiring to Turkey (they are Irish) and looked forward to seeing everyone on summer holidays.

Almost everyone finds paid childcare the only reliable option in the long term.

Aria999 · 05/12/2024 20:17

P.s. we live 1500 miles from family and I had DD2 right before Covid in a new city where we had no friends. It hasn't been brilliant in all respects but we coped fine.

LeticiaMorales · 05/12/2024 20:20

Option 2. London is an amazing city.
Plus, you have family and friends there.
A brilliant place 💯

SwallowsAmazons · 05/12/2024 20:40

Option 2, family and friend are invaluable and I would and do choose a smaller house in London than moving and not having family support nearby.

Chillilounger · 05/12/2024 20:53

Definitely option 1.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 05/12/2024 20:57
  1. Definitely.

I liked living in London in my twenties and was very, very glad to move away after that. We later moved even further away (hundreds of miles from family, like you would be).

Wibblywobblybobbly · 05/12/2024 21:22

I'd go for two to be near family. Don't underestimate the value of a supportive family nearby. We didn't have that for the first five years and it nearly killed us. Having family nearby now is a revelation.

Kitkat1523 · 05/12/2024 21:26

400 miles is a long distance to be away from family…..throw a baby in the mix and it’s even further

hellsbells99 · 05/12/2024 21:37

It’s a difficult decision.
i personally would not want to be in London but I would want to be near my family.

MoonKiss · 05/12/2024 21:37

Option 3: somewhere else. Outside of London so it’s bit more affordable, but within a more reasonable distance of family. It might not help with day-to-day childcare but would get you a nicer standard of living than being central and you’d be able to arrange nights out with friends, with kids staying at your parents etc.

LeticiaMorales · 06/12/2024 07:28

London means you're near friends, family and a fantastic transport hub - sometimes you don't realise how reliable and convenient it is until you go elsewhere.

endingintiers · 08/12/2024 10:59

a few things to think about:

  • having children is a good way to make friends through groups. If you long term want to live in option 1 then I’d stay
  • I would be wary of moving for promises of substantial amounts of childcare. 3 days a week is a lot to look after children, they might find it untenable, or be unreliable. If this was the swaying factor I would not move for it.

i love London and have raised children successfully here but having never lived anywhere else with them I can’t know what the other side looks like. I’d also think about hobbies and interests for yourself and the kids - if you’re more outdoorsy then option 1 might be better, more into culture then option 2 (for example).

Cynic17 · 08/12/2024 11:01

Option 2. Kids get to grow up in a wonderful city, with lots of opportunities, and parents have friends close by. A smaller house is irrelevant.

cheezncrackers · 08/12/2024 11:04

I would choose quality of life, space, a garden, a nice community in which to raise my DC and good quality schools over family. I've always lived far from my family and I don't regret it. If I had to live near them, the place itself wouldn't suit me at all. From your options, I'd go with 1.