Moving to LA with 3 kids in July

[acapulco]

It’s not the ideal time to be moving anywhere but here we are. My partners job is relocating to the office in Hollywood. We’re in the process of applying for an L1 Visa and realistically we should be moving by July.

It’s my job to scope the cost of moving and setting up life in LA. I was hoping someone on here could offer all the insights and advice they have and anything I should be aware of and consider. We won’t have credit history obviously and will be renting.

For various reasons we’d like to be living within easyish reach of Marina Del Rey but not live in that actual location. We have drawn a curve around potential places and high schools that could work - so Venice, El Segundo, towards Manhattan Beach (I think this is too far to commute to Hollywood daily?).

We have 2 boys 16yr, 13yrs and a toddler. Obviously we need to make it work for the 16yr old on every level. Particularly school wise.

What is it that can tell me that I should aware of or be thinking about? It’s all slightly daunting when we can’t travel to scope everything out properly. That said we have travelled to LA a few times and travelled around so understand the geography but not practicalities.

[acapulco]

@ARoseDowntown thank you for your reply.
The problem with advice sites is you can’t paint a complete picture of a situation for privacy reasons. I have purposefully left a lot of detail out. So I can well imagine the way I presented info may seem shallow or slightly unreasonable to some. Of course there are lots of nuances to this and really all I was asking was whether I could make the High School work for the 16yr old. The overwhelming opinion is no. That has very much been taken on board and other options in the UK are being looked at. All advice has been welcome and don’t see this as a pile on.

To clarify, I’m not putting the future of my 3 yr old before her brothers but as part of the family her future pathway will absolutely be considered. Making sure we have jobs as she grows and a roof over her head is a fairly important consideration. Boys have had that luxury and so should she.

No I haven’t got blinkers on. And yes in younger years we looked at a move for major company in Lancashire so you go where the job is. This office happens to be in LA. Prelockdown my OH was flying out to the States - albeit LA, New York, Miami etc every 6 weeks or so and sometimes every 2 weeks.

This isn’t a whim move but I can’t explain here why.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

I disagree about it being a disadvantage to the second child. By the time the second child completes high school they will likely be eligible for instate tuition at UCLA or any of the fab UC universities. The instate costs are on par with U.K. university fees. If they complete all 4 years of high school in the Us they are unlikely to want or even be able to come back to the U.K. for university.

And then you wind up with a child whose potentially tens of thousands of miles away from you if you have to come back. How does that work with their visa? And what if they don't do so well at school and can't get into any of these 'fab' California universities? Who wants to graduate with potentially a hundred thousand dollars in student loan debt because CA is one of the most expensive states to live in? What happens to their bloody insurance if the parents move back to the UK?

Who wants to send their kids to schools where they have fucking school shooter drills? Or live in a place like that?

[acapulco]

@Tangotoes I agree. I hope the 13yr old will adjust really well. And remote learning may have worked in our favour as he isn’t as attached as could be to his new school yet he hasn’t been in enough yet!

We’ve reached out already to several potential UK boarding school for the oldest.

[ARoseDowntown]

@acapulco

I understand. You’re explaining everything clearly. This isn’t a personal dig, please don’t take it as such.

The purpose of my post was to emphasize that moving to the US really is no joke. There’s an enormous culture shock, which no amount of holidays or work trips can prepare you for. Becoming embedded in society here in the knowledge that this is your life now isn’t the same. A move to continental Europe, with the language barrier, would be easier.

You obviously have your reasons for making this move. Separately from the educational issues, your two boys had the benefit of financial security growing up and you want to offer the same to your daughter. Which parent wouldn’t? But is uprooting the family, or 4/5th of the family and leaving 1/5th behind, the only way to achieve this? What about offering 2/3 of your children an overseas experience and not the eldest? Being absent from the eldest’s life at an academically and socially crucial juncture?

Is it really Hollywood or bust?

I’m sure you’ve thought of all of these, as you’ve reduced the questions for people you’re seeking advice from, to educational options for 2/3 of your children. My main point is that it would be a huge mistake to underestimate the toll that moving from the UK to LA would take on individuals within the family, and the family itself. I’ve done it (albeit closer in the US to the UK than LA).

Also your eldest won’t just have two more years at school alone; he’d then be at university alone. Then he’ll be gone (hopefully!), working and living an independent adult life. 16 years before he ‘loses’ living with his family, for the 3yo’s future.

In light of all I know, having gone through the ups and downs, surely there are other options than this one job in this one location?

[Aria999]

DH and I moved from uk to LA in 2016. We lived in Santa Monica for 3 years. DH worked near expo park and commuted by metro. We had a 6 month old though so no school issues.

You've already had lots of good advice and I've skimmed a bit so apologies if I repeat anything.

A few things big and small that might be useful;

1. LA is expensive. (We previously lived in the south east but not London). We did a careful budget before we went out, and general costs of living just kind of blew it out of the water. We had a nice lifestyle but we never had any money left over and we were expecting to be very comfortable. Take what you think and add 10-20%.
   
   
2. they are not kidding about the traffic. Your DH might want to ask others in the new office for advice about good commutable areas. It's not like the UK, if you get the wrong time of day you can spend two hours on a journey that should take 20 minutes. If you can get a metro commute it's well worth it.
   
   
3. if you end up buying out there, costs of buying and selling are much higher than in the UK but the seller pays them. So you're fine to start with but then the costs can eat any profit you might have made when you sell. We made a loss.
   
   
4. stores are a bit different. There aren't really department stores in quite the way we have here. Eventually we figured out that Target sells everything. I wish someone had told me this.
   
   
5. kids don't have a GP they have a pediatrician as their general doctor. This is brilliant.
   
   Also just a thought but if your visa turns out to take ages, could you remain in the UK without your DH while your 16yo finishes school and then join him later?
   
   Please ask me if you have questions, we moved away last summer but I can still remember it well. (I would say pm me but I can't figure out how to see messages on the app).

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Is the 13-year-old close to his brother? I have a sister with that age gap; I'd have been gutted to lose her to boarding school at 16. Poor 16-year-old.

ARose is spot on, the ramifications of this type of move are HUGE.

And again, have seen this happen then the marriage breaks up, the one who's the trailing spouse can't get a visa to stay; the one with the visa wants to stay, the kid gets to be part of a custody dispute and the trailing spouse is economically disadvantaged so guess how that goes?

[TomBradysLeftKneecap]

Not particularly wanting to be another doom and gloom poster but your main issue re schooling is the GPA you use to apply to college is calculated at the end of Junior Year (ie Lower 6th) based on the previous 3 years of school. I have no idea how GCSEs could be translated, particularly if he hasn’t taken the allotted classes that are required for graduation. Senior year for a lot of kids, particularly those that use Early Action/Decision is a bit of a doss with a Senior project thrown in.

Also, if you were planning on sending him to a US university, only being an L visa would automatically disqualify you from many loans if you were needing them to pay the insane fees.

We love it here (and have HS aged kids) but I definitely wouldn’t uproot a 16 year old at this stage. The culture shock alone takes some getting used to never mind the completely different school systems.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Aria999]

I would add that we loved living in LA, yes it's a culture shock but as long as you are fairly well off it's really fun. We relocated within the US for an unmissable job opportunity but we loved LA and would certainly live there again if we had the chance.

[Wishitsnows]

My personal experience moving to the US was fine. My school reports from the UK for the equivalent high school years were given to the US high school so I had full hs grades and GPA applied. It was a fantastic experience going to a massive high school. On moving back to UK there was no issue with not having gcse/a levels as had us equivalent that was always accepted.

[Wishitsnows]

Meant to add I was 15

[MissConductUS]

Not particularly wanting to be another doom and gloom poster but your main issue re schooling is the GPA you use to apply to college is calculated at the end of Junior Year (ie Lower 6th) based on the previous 3 years of school. I have no idea how GCSEs could be translated, particularly if he hasn’t taken the allotted classes that are required for graduation.

American universities get applications from foreign students routinely. I'm sure they can interpret school records from the UK. But it is a somewhat opaque process, which is why I recommended talking to a US based college admissions counselor up thread.

[TomBradysLeftKneecap]

@MissConductUS I meant more re how they would translate to the HS itself for graduation requirements and GPA calculation when he’d only have one year of US HS under his belt.

[MissConductUS]

[quote TomBradysLeftKneecap]@MissConductUS I meant more re how they would translate to the HS itself for graduation requirements and GPA calculation when he’d only have one year of US HS under his belt.[/quote]
You're right, that would be trickier. Upon applying to uni he'd have to supply a transcript through the fall of his senior year from the new HS and his records and grades from the UK. I don't think the HS would attempt to merge the two.

[Tangotoes]

An educational consultant can sort the details of moving the 13 year old. I imagine the OP realises the vulnerable position of the trailing spouse if things go wrong. I admit it's a red flag to me that they aren't yet married and makes me wonder how committed he is if they're only doing this for a visa...but it's not what she asked. If she goes on the expat boards she can read the horror stories of international custody disputes herself. Hopefully they are completely solid.

Lots and lots of families make this move to the US with kids. It can be done. The quality of life in California is fantastic if you have the money. Life is just easier. Americans are really friendly and the kids will be included from the word go socially. LA has tons of international families.

As for universities for DC2 the UC system is HUGE and diverse. There's a place for everyone. Community colleges are generally excellent. There are A LOT more choices for tertiary education.

Get thee on the expat Facebook groups OP.

[Aria999]

Culver City might be an option to look into - roughly between marina del Rey and West Hollywood and not as pricey as the coast.

I still think you would be better off prioritizing the commute though.

Yes Manhattan beach is way too far IMO and also has some of the most expensive real estate in America. Nice to visit when lockdown is over. Great restaurants. Zero parking.

[acapulco]

@Tangotoes

Will do! Thank you for the positivity.

No red flag. I’m not sure why there should any.

[twingygirl]

Schools in LA, particularly on the west side, are used to accepting international students, especially from the UK. Private schools are even better at it. Remember that there is a LOT more educational choice in the US, both in K-12 schools and universities. There are public and private options for everything to wildly progressive to extremely traditional--you might enjoy checking out what's available to you. There are in LA particularly, many, many options for great private schools. There is a guide book available with pretty good write-ups on all the schools...you may be able to find it on Amazon. It's called the Whitney Guide and there is one for private schools and one for public schools. They're a great place to start!

[Tangotoes]

Being married would have protected you and the kids should your marriage have failed. Most men that I know that have avoided marriage have done so to protect themselves financially in the case of a break up despite spouting a good line about it "just a bit of paper". Being legally committed is a higher level of commitment generally. Being a partner means you may not necessarily have the right to make medical decisions etc or even be his next of kin. I'm not saying that is the case for you. I haven't a scooby who you are. But that's why it's a red flag to me. Moving to another country will have plenty of bumps and I'd want to know my husband was not just getting married to enable a visa.

Anyway, say hello to the sunshine, beach and fabulous food for me! And oh to have a paediatrician. Every child has one. You interview them and choose. I can't think of a better place to move with kids for a serious bump in quality of life. Being outdoors year round without bracing yourself for the rain and mud is fabulous. And truly people are so friendly and welcoming. You'll be in a great place to go skiing in the Rockies with amazing powder. You'll be in Mexico in a heartbeat for weekends away. The high school curriculum stays broad all the way up to 18 and proves a fabulous education. No more never taking a history class again at age 14! Your kids won't have to apply to a certain subject for uni. Lots of kids don't declare a major until their 3 year of uni. Lots of space and time for some really life enriching courses. Enjoy!

[pallisers]

I love the US educational system - have had 3 go through it in a mixture of public and private. I've also had 3 of them do college applications and each end up in the right place. I felt each of mine had a great education. And I agree the US liberal arts college experience is an absolute star in the educational firmament.

I still wouldn't move a 16 year old from the UK system to the US High School system lightly - and that is just from an educational point of view. I'd be more likely to do it for an Irish kid as the systems are more similar.

I'm not sure what private school fees are like on the west coast. On the east coast (other than the catholic schools which are a bargain) they are more than state university fees and comparable to private college fees.

[TheSandman]

I think you're crazy. I lived in LA for 6 months working. I hated every second of it. Like living in a world run by 7 year olds.

[Londonmummy66]

You really aren't too late for most UK baording schools especially in the current climate. Look for one that is good for maths (?Christs Hospital perhaps?)) and phone up and explain the position. Your partners employer should be paying the fees.

[LALALife]

Ignore posts from people like @TheSandman who only spent 6 months here and the other poster talking about school shooter drills and has therefore probably not actually lived here. It’s a city unlike any other in that you really have to live here (and for a reasonable time) to get to know it and appreciate it

[MissConductUS]

I agree, I'm a New Yorker through and through, and I love LA.

[Aria999]

@LALALife

Yes I think it took us at least a year to start getting the hang of it. Nice place to live but you wouldn't want to visit there 🤣

[BackToWhereItAllBegan]

@acapulco my earlier posts focused on your DS 16 and his a-levels but now that you're actively considering boarding school for him, I think you should ask your partner's employer to commit to starting your Green Card application as soon as you arrive in the US.
A Green Card will give your 13 yr old many more university options across the US, and after a high school education here, that could well be his preferred option.
I've done many expat postings in different countries and the US has been by far my favorite. I hope you can work everything out and you get to enjoy a slice of California living!