Moving to LA with 3 kids in July

[acapulco]

It’s not the ideal time to be moving anywhere but here we are. My partners job is relocating to the office in Hollywood. We’re in the process of applying for an L1 Visa and realistically we should be moving by July.

It’s my job to scope the cost of moving and setting up life in LA. I was hoping someone on here could offer all the insights and advice they have and anything I should be aware of and consider. We won’t have credit history obviously and will be renting.

For various reasons we’d like to be living within easyish reach of Marina Del Rey but not live in that actual location. We have drawn a curve around potential places and high schools that could work - so Venice, El Segundo, towards Manhattan Beach (I think this is too far to commute to Hollywood daily?).

We have 2 boys 16yr, 13yrs and a toddler. Obviously we need to make it work for the 16yr old on every level. Particularly school wise.

What is it that can tell me that I should aware of or be thinking about? It’s all slightly daunting when we can’t travel to scope everything out properly. That said we have travelled to LA a few times and travelled around so understand the geography but not practicalities.

[LALALife]

Waving back @TitoTipples !! I was going to suggest the Palisades too as Pali High is very good but Paul Revere is no better a middle school than the ones on the Westside and traffic is nightmare getting in and out of there (also it’s a very rich set of people who tend to ship their kids out to private school up there so not many local kids actually go to the HS) but culver city is a really good shout too - a bit further from SM for the rugby for your 13yr old and further from the beach but well connected, great downtown area and it’s an incorporated city so a tiny school district with a really good immersion program at elementary, clear pathway MS to HS both of which are good and you don’t have to deal with the monolith of LAUSD!! They don’t do IB there though

[rawalpindithelabrador]

@YouJustDoYou

Why do you all have to uproot all your lives just for your boyfriend/partner? I mean, your son is 16, you will be too g him from everything vital he needs right now, just for your bfs work...Why can't you just stay in the UK and your bf works away? Although I guess that's a very Western thing, to have to be together all the time.

I couldn't agree more. The education systems are just too different at that level and even if he went to a British school, the finance will be screwed. You're not even married to this guy! It's only 2 years for the sake of your child. Unless you think they'll pay for him to go to boarding school here and you go over there. Although even that, I wouldn't go for, well, you can't unless you're married. Being married to an American myself, I know far too many British-American couples or two Brits who moved there, one as a trailing spouse, and the one who held the visa cheated or the marriage ended and the other one was totally stuffed.

[MissConductUS]

I'm a Yank with two kids in uni, here in the US. I would recommend finding a college admissions counselor to discuss your DS's situation. You can find one in the LA area on these two professional associations.

National Association for College Admission Counseling

Independent Educational Consultants Association

You should be able to find one with experience working with ex-pats. We used one for both of our DC and it was invaluable, even with our simple situation. The system is very complex. Because of declining numbers of applicants more uni's here are offering discounts (called "merit aid") for the students they really want. The trick is applying to the right ones.

[acapulco]

@TitoTipples @LALALife and @MissConductUS thanks for the tips and insights. That’s great. Anything to help me needy and the things I need to look out for.

I will join the FB page for sure.

I’ve been with my other half for 23/4ish years (I’ve literally stopped counting!) We met in uni. I understand the risks. I think. Who the has any guarantees! Is it better we’ll be married by then? Or not? But I take your points on board.

[acapulco]

@rawalpindithelabrador you’ve just initiated a good conversation between my other half and I about your visa points.

[Dozer]

I think that a vital stage pf your eldest DC’s education should be a higher priority than your DP’s career. Wouldn’t go.

[Tangotoes]

Tbf she's not going to be in a better position in 2 years if she stays as the next one will be 15. I'd put the older one in boarding and go as soon as visas can be sorted keeping in mind thats likely to be a year if not longer. It would work out in that the older one can weekly board for a term to ease into it. If he hates it then she has a different decision to make. From the way I've read it the partner is the father of all the children so not just a boyfriend.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

Just wanted to ask about the rowing @acapulco.

If your son is a competitive rower then scholarships at UK fee paying schools could be an option. I would def have an open mind and at least investigate this to see if it gives you some choices. And there is a bit of a trend for rowers to attend US Uni's at the moment so they would be perfectly poised to advise that next step.
My DS got letters of interest from lots of US Uni's when he was in sixth form.
What do your DC think of the move? Do they want to go?

[acapulco]

Yes he’s is the father to all 3 we have a 10 yr age gap between middle and youngest.

This isn’t a vanity move, this isn’t about chasing a dream. We very much need to consider a healthy financial future for the youngest as well. The move is following the trajectory of the business etc, creating opportunity for our family going forward. Lots of different aspects to this.

So yes UK boarding is something we may have to consider. What about private school in Los Angeles as pp have suggested. Would that make his transition work better ?

I have lots of good advice on this thread and I will start mapping out all options. Things to ask the employer, the lawyers etc.

I’ll check in again in the morning! Thanks again.

[lightbulb23]

You need to negotiate these big items with his employer:
Return annual flight for whole family (preferably business class!)

School fees for your two eldest children until they finish the equivalent of A level stage. Preferably a British or international school.

Paid for, serviced accommodation for at least 3 months once you arrive.

Car hire for at least 3 months

Support for deposits for all utilities.

Tax return costs covers for the whole time he is employees abroad (in both countries if necessary).

Full shipping of your belongings, or a generous allowance for buying new ones.

[TheTeenageYears]

We live abroad and have moved around a lot but both DC have boarded in the UK for sixth form. Granted they came from British & international private schools outside of the UK which is different to your DS but loads of existing private school kids change schools for sixth form and many others join from state school so I wouldn't be overly concerned. We always said we would happily live in the US but wouldn't want to educate there for various reasons and half way through high school is going to be really tough. There won't be a problem getting a boarding place for sixth form at this time of year, particularly in the current climate. Less international students will have places for Sept and the economic fall out from Covid will mean students leaving unfortunately so there will be more places available for September.

I don't know about the timings for Visa's for the US but from what others have said July could be ambitious and given schools start in early August there's little contingency time and the 16yr old will need to be in situ at the start of the academic year. Boarding in the UK for sixth form would also take a huge amount of pressure of the timing of the move.

Re Uni. A pp is correct in that the only way to guarantee home status is to be resident in the UK for the three years prior to uni. Status for fees is determined at uni level so it's a case of applying and seeing what happens. I know people who's DC have done A levels abroad and got home status and those who haven't. If it's a contract rather than permanent position it goes in your favour but just keeping a house in the UK does not make you UK resident (despite what some people might think). There are some further complexities to the situation and I know of someone who sent their DC back to school between Y10&11 and husband too as it was the only way there would be no shadow of doubt over the residency rules because DC wanted to study medicine (mum is a head teacher so she's well aware of the issues in moving a child half way through GCSE's).

[Rowenasemolina]

Do not bank on moving in July. My sister moved to the state 2 years ago. It took her over a year to get the paperwork to join her husband. She had to stay in the uk with their sons while he went on ahead.

[LALALife]

I think even with private schools you’ll still have the issue of changing systems. The only school I would get in touch with re this is Geffen Academy in Westwood - they are attached to UCLA and have an amazing way of teaching and approaching teaching and mental health care etc etc

[LALALife]

@TheTeenageYears makes an excellent point that getting your son into a U.K. birding school for 6th form will reduce the pressure and stress - imagine if the move doesn’t happen for another year, then at least he stays in the same school and has eased in with his family in the same country and only has one year actually living away from you

[lalafafa]

I would consider your partner going on his own at first. Doesn’t sound as though you’ll be there within the year anyway.

[ZZTopGuitarSolo]

I'm in the US and have children age 19, 17 and 15. My husband was a teacher in the UK before we moved here, and we both went to school in the UK. We've been through the US college application three times so far - once for DH, and twice for children.

I have to agree with everyone else. This would be a really awful thing to do to your 16 year old. Finding a good boarding school in the UK would be the best alternative I could see. My husband went to boarding school in the UK while his family lived elsewhere in the world. It was OK - he had local relatives who took him for short holidays, and he visited his family for long holidays.

Also I think the chances of you moving in July are zero. I applied for my visa as the wife of a US citizen with 3 children together, and not during a pandemic, and I had a lot of experience of applying for US visas, and it still took me 5 months.

Join the British Expats group and ask your questions. Several people there have experience of moving a child from the UK to US system during high school years.

[knitnerd90]

Even as someone who thinks MNers are sometimes a bit overly critical of the US education system--I would not move the 16yo into an American high school. Nothing will sync up. It is possible to get into a British university after AP courses, but hardly any Americans are familiar with the process and what needs to be done. My oldest is in high school in the USA and there's simply no way we could move her now.

While IB would prepare him for a British university with not much trouble, and kids do go from GCSEs to IB DP (which is also a 2 year programme) you'd still be left with the university issue. He wouldn't be able to go back to the UK unless you were prepared to pay a stonking amount in fees. Meanwhile in the USA he wouldn't have full entitlement to financial aid. The UC schools are excellent and not as expensive as private, but it's a completely different system and a US undergrad is a 4 year course instead of 3. I have to concur that having him board in the UK is probably the best option.

I don't think moving your DC2 at the beginning of high school, or even in 8th grade, is too bad, at least educationally.

[acapulco]

Ok. It’s not that I was naive and hear everyone’s concerns as they are my own as well. I will also post on BritishExpats but frame it differently but yes boarding school maybe what we do. It seems the least stressful option for him. He’s really bright and wants to succeed so this option would give him a good crack at that in a system he knows. He is moving schools for 6th form anyway so this will just be in a different direction.

I think I’ll sit tight for a couple of weeks and wait to hear when lockdown eases, as you all rightly said nothing can happen visa wise until we get married first. We’ll find out about lockdown plans Feb 22nd so that will give us more of an indication of when the registry office will open again to get that process done.

But moving to the middle child you’ve suggested some nice areas to think about for his High School experience.

Best wishes everyone !

[LALALife]

Good luck OP

[acapulco]

Thank you!

Can I just double check - leaving the 16yr old aside as we look into boarding here etc - we could then move to any reasonable location within a decent commute to my OH office in Hollywood.

So in terms of location/High School I should still look at:

Culver City
Mar Vista
Venice High
Geffen Academy?
El Segundo?

Any others I should be considering?

[LALALife]

Well now your options are prob more open as you don’t need to take his rowing in MDR into account so much? All those areas are good areas and close to the beach so lifestyle wise they’re great (Hollywood itself is yuck) and I know a few parents who work for Netflix so commute to Hollywood from Mar Vista and it’s not so bad - but you might want to look more inland? I don’t know what the schools are like in Studio City but it’s a family
Friendly (and much cheaper) area, and Los Feliz/Silverlake are east of Hollywood and very nice (LF expensive on the level of Santa Monica) and you can also look into moving into the hills? Larchmont also a lovely area closer to Hollywood but again afraid I have no anecdotal knowledge about the schools.

If you want to stay Westside it’s worth looking at SM, I’m not a fan but lots of other people are

[rawalpindithelabrador]

We had the chance to move over with a 14-year-old who would have been a freshman in high school and I still wouldn't have done it as it would have royally screwed her up when we moved back and again, 3 years resident or you pay international fees. The 13-year-old might still be in middle school/8th grade as it is.

Really think you're being naive and underestimating the long-term effect of doing this.

[ARoseDowntown]

I abhor MN pile-ons, and have read all your posts. None the less, I’m going to add my voice to those saying this is an ill thought out move for the 16yo and the 13yo, not just academically (those consequences could be unforgivably crippling) but also emotionally and socially. You seem to be prioritizing the financial prospects of your youngest child ahead of all else for your other two.

Is the financial improvement really that great? Calculate it, translate it into GBP. Is uprooting your family, causing unknown tolls on the academic/social/emotional health and prospects of two of your three kids, not to mention the stress of moving so far from home for the two of you, really worth that extra amount of money?

Are you sure you’re not being swayed just a little by Hollywood/LA? Would you do this if it were the same amount of money but Detroit? Philadelphia? Tampa? Phoenix? Or Hull, Blackpool or whatever?

The streets are not paved with gold here. I wouldn’t consider this move reasonable, at all.

Sorry. Good luck.

[Tangotoes]

I disagree about it being a disadvantage to the second child. By the time the second child completes high school they will likely be eligible for instate tuition at UCLA or any of the fab UC universities. The instate costs are on par with U.K. university fees. If they complete all 4 years of high school in the Us they are unlikely to want or even be able to come back to the U.K. for university.

The eldest child is an entirely different scenario and will be best served by staying in the U.K. - at least academically. I'd be looking now for a boarding school as their will be entrance requirements etc. Just explain the situation to the school. If the company is serious they will pay for fees from next September even if the visas take longer. They can't expect any family accept changing schools midway through A levels.

[Muckduck]

I would also not underestimate the difference in culture, especially in the schooling system. Not better or worse imo, but I found it very hard to settle, and couldn't wait to move home. Of course everyone is different, but I do think a lot assume as they've been on holiday or because of films and a shared language that it's an easy transition, just pick up, move and settle but absolutely not.

All of this is a moot point really if you aren't married yet, as your partner will be going on his own...