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Living overseas

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Original poster

Anyone got experience of Dad living abroad kids in UK

11 replies

MissK71 · 06/07/2017 15:16

Does anyone have any experience of their children living in a separate country to their father - he will be the one living abroad and is the Non Resident Parent?

OP posts:
Kursk · 06/07/2017 15:21

Kind of have experience of this my dad moved home to the USA and We lived with my British mum in the U.K.

Original poster
MissK71 · 06/07/2017 18:26

Do you mind me asking how you coped as a child? My ex wont discuss his plans with me at all or how often he plans seeing the children etc ... My ex planning on moving home to France

OP posts:
Kursk · 06/07/2017 18:54

I was shipped off to boarding school by my mum. I went to visit my dad when I was in my teens in the summer holidays. I moved to the USA a few years ago.

I did miss my dad but stayed in regular email contact

BeALert · 07/08/2017 04:41

Yes. My dad lived in another country for most of my childhood. I spent most of the school holidays (not half terms) with him.

I adored him but I found it increasingly difficult to fit in with his new family as I got older.

Tbh it never occurred to me as a child that our setup was particularly odd. Tbf most of my friends were RAF so many of them were at boarding school with parents posted abroad.

marcopront · 07/08/2017 05:47

How old are your children?

I have lived in a different country to DD's dad since she was 3. We used to use Skype to talk and I would take her to him or he would come to us a couple of times a year.

She has had her own phone since she was 10 and now she chats with him on WhatsApp or calls him on WhatsApp. This is much easier than Skype but I think he is also more settled and so is more willing to communicate.

It isn't easy but you can make it work. I put in most of the effort but I know she has a good relationship with her Dad now.

comebacksun · 07/08/2017 07:19

I'm going to follow if you don't mind! My stbxh is from the other side of the world, so not exactly easy for the DC to see him very often. I hope you can find a way to establish some regular contact. Technology these days helps a lot.

AnnaFender · 07/08/2017 08:02

Hi. My ex moved to France 2 years ago. We have two DDs now aged 10 and 7. The girls cope well with it (outwardly at least). It's definitely been harder for the older one.

At the moment we try and stick to a weekly call/Skype timeslot (he can call more often, that's just the minimum) as we found that between activities and other commitments weeks could go by without contact otherwise. I also send pics a lot on whatsapp so he can see what they're up to.

This is the second summer holiday that they've gone out there for a few weeks. He also manages to visit maybe 2-3 times through the year too.

He seems to be making the best of it I suppose, so I just try to support their relationship the best I can. But their visits are now little holidays, and he has stopped playing as active a role in their lives as he used to.

marcopront · 07/08/2017 08:44

I forgot to say we have done the unaccompanied minor for the first time this year. I took her to his country and flew back after a few days. She flew back a week later. They took good care of her and she got to sit in business class.

BeALert · 07/08/2017 22:25

I did unaccompanied minor from age 7. It wasn't much fun but we didn't really have a choice.

My kids have flown as unaccompanied minors to visit grandparents in the UK, but I did wait till they felt ready. I think they first went age 11. They were looked after really well. I wouldn't do it with a flight that was more than one leg though.

user7841794168 · 12/08/2017 18:54

My DS is in this situation, his father has lived overseas since DS was a year old. They have barely any relationship at all and DS is both resentful and sad. He's been there once to see him and his father has been here three times but his father hasn't made any effort other than financial.

WiseDad · 17/08/2017 00:12

This seems to be mostly about divorced parents. My kids and I live in the UK and my wife lives a long distance away. By long didstance I mean thousands of miles.

It isn't easy. Indeed it is hard for all of us but we manage through frequent flights, kids spending any holiday of two weeks or more away (including oct half term where strictly speaking my daughter only has one week but my boys are out for two). Some airlines don't charge much extra for solo kids. Some allow from a young age but usually those with connecting flights. We buy flights in sales months in advance which saves a fortune £500 each is better than £750 when there are lots of people flying. Summer is the killer as this year was nearly £1k per ticket - and I go and come back over the summer so that's five flights just for the kids and I.

Skype and FaceTime doesn't really work as the kids are always busy as is my wife as her work is intense, however we find that quality time is better than quantity time. We send messages back and forth a lot. The eldest two have iPhones and what's app son direct contact is possible which works better with teens than a regular slot for them to rebel against.

There are advantages. One active parent means day to days decisions are not negotiated. Anything more important is discussed with the absent parent via voice or what's app or, if more significant, video. My wife has also come back for the weekend a couple of times which is really tough but can be quite fun if organised well enough.

One last point. Don't underestimate the time difference issues.

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