My DM, 88, was diagnosed with a brain tumour in January. She's going downhill quite quickly, although nobody has said how long she has, or what the trajectory will be. My Dad can no longer cope with her at home, after a couple of falls. She's now in a nursing home. And under a palliative care team of a nearby hospice where she may end up (although the home does palliative care too).
She's not in too much pain it seems, but is uncomfortable. Has some mobility (using a frame or sticks). Trouble getting in and out of chairs and bed. Needs help with toilet and washing. She's a bit confused and struggles to find words but she's also reasonably lucid.
I don't live nearby but visited for a day this week to see her into the home. I really didn't like it all. The staff seem lovely but the building is shabby. Her room is ugly and pokey. And the common areas are scruffy. There's a little bit of outdoor space but it's just tarmac with a pond and some planters. No grass. There are a few trees. Near a main road so quite noisy. I feel heartbroken for her because she loved her little garden. Her sight is going (partly due to the tumour, partly due to macular degeneration) but she was/is still able to see colour and light/dark, and enjoyed watching and listening to the birds. There's no chance of that now and I'm so unhappy about it. I looked online at other nursing homes which were just so much nicer, but Dad went for this one because it's closest to home and he'd heard good reports about it.
I guess it's his decision but I really really hate the thought of the poor woman spending her final days in a place like that. She is also, apparently the fittest of all the residents (there are 36 of them) so some of them are probably really not very well at all so I'm not sure there's going to be much interaction. Dad will visit for most of every day but I wonder what the 2 of them are going to do. Sitting in a crappy little bedroom, worse than a student bedsit, 2 miles from their lovely house and garden. Seems absurd. I'm starting to wish things would just progress and she can go into the hospice - that's such an awful thing to think. But what quality of life is there now? And my poor Dad. They've been together since Mum was 17. 71 years. I don't know what on earth he's going to do without her.
Dad's taken some furniture there, and will take a speaker for her to get music on Spotify (I think she can just about still use her phone). There's a TV (although she doesn't see well). I'll ask about plants and photos etc.
What can I send her to do? She used to be very creative - always sewing, knitting, crocheting etc but due to arthritis in her hands, and poor sight, she's gradually lost all those abilities. I'm not sure she'd have the attention span for an audio book. I'm thinking about sensory things, but not sure what.
Any advice from people who have been in this situation gratefully received.