It's shit and I am very fucked off at the world right now.
I think I'm just wanting to write it down and talk about with people who don't know me or us. It will probably be very long sorry.
Dh (38) and met when we were 16 (true childhood sweethearts) and in the 24 years we have been together, married for 21, he has only ever been to the drs once. He was a very health person, eats right, never smoked, regular gym goer, occasionally has a drink but only a few times a year. Perfect weight for his height and very fit.
In March he had a few aches and pains in his lower back that made me think of a uti, sent him off to the drs who said no uti but possible ibs 
a few days later he was in lots more pain that was then in his stomach, took him to our local walk-in centre who sent him to our local surgical admissions unit in our local hospital.
They did a ct scan the next day and diagnosed diverticulitis, with a pin prick sized perforation in his bowel. Sent him home a few days later with a high fibre diet. Then later that week at 11pm he started violently vomiting and was rolling around in agony. I called 999 explaining he had a perforated bowel, the ambulance never showed up so after an hour of waiting I somehow managed to get him in the car.
A&E were fantastic, sorted his pain out straight away, then sent us back up to the surgical ward. Eventually a junior dr came to see him at 5am, he was asleep so she spoke to me, I asked about him having a new ct to see if the perforation had grown (I'm a nurse but not surgical, so have a general gist of things) to be told as his mother it wasn't up to me as they can affect sperm later on. I told her as his wife we didn't care about sperm issues and demanded to see someone more senior. The ct went ahead and he was told he would be sent a date for a colonoscopy date to confirm the diverticulitis diagnosis.
On 7th April 2019 the day of colonoscopy, changed our lives forever. They found a mass in his colon that they thought was cancerous. They took several biopsies and told us we would be sent a date to speak with the consultant.
In May we met with the worst consultant, he said that they had caught it early and it wasn't even classed as a stage one! All good, we can deal with this..... until he starts talking to the nurse about dh peritoneum, which I knew was the lining of his stomach, questioned him and he said he wasn't sure but there could be something there. At that point I lost faith in him and requested to see an amazing consultant at the hospital I work at.
2 weeks later at a meeting with the new consultant we were told that not only had the tumour broken out of the bowel wall, wrapped around his small intestine, they could also see some in a lung and the peritoneum. So stage 4
22nd May dh had a 10hr long operation (cytoreductive & HiPec) known as the mother of all surgery. After a couple of days in itu dh did amazing and came home 9 days later. He had a scan a couple of weeks later before he started his chemo, sadly the scan showed a very aggressive spread to both lungs, liver, chest wall, bone and lymph. Given 18 months with treatment or 6 months without.
He has had 2 cycles and has had to stop due to the side effects. There are no more treatments that's it.
My amazing children are going to lose their daddy and I am going to be left without the reason I live and breathe. It's all just the biggest pile of bollox. How can we plan for a life without him....