I've been reading for a while but have hesitated to join you as it seems too real, but I think the time has probably come.
My DH (aged 71, 15 years older than me) is in the process of being diagnosed with - we think - secondary lymphoma in the brain. Backstory: he was first diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma (large B cell) in Feb 2017. It was thought to be stage 3/4 but he had a rushed admission which meant that they didn't do the initial PET scan that would have allowed staging. Stage 4 would have been if it had crossed the blood/brain barrier. His lymphoma was one that they hope to be able to eradicate, and he was signed off as cancer-free in July this year. In August, he lost some memories. We were on holiday and called 999 and the paramedics took him in to the nearest hospital. They assumed he'd had a minor stroke, but did a CT scan and found a lesion in his brain. He was given steroids which immediately returned the memories. As soon as they discharged him we came straight home and he was seen by neurology who scheduled him quickly for a brain biopsy. The steroids had shrunk the lesion so fast that they only got T cells in the biopsy. Ever since there have been problems with obtaining a diagnosis. He had two more scans, and each time the original area remained empty (literally, a space in his brain) but there were new areas of concern in different places each time. Too deep to biopsy. So for more than seven months he's been on a watch-and-wait protocol, under the care of the lymphoma team who were thinking it was probably secondary lymphoma, but reviewed by the neurologists who thought it might be an infection of some sort. There hasn't been any sign of lymphoma elsewhere in his system. Lymphoma in the brain seems to be the worst of the possible diagnoses, as there are a limited number of treatments and he already had the main drug - methotrexate - last time to try to stop it crossing to this brain.
That brings us to a week or so ago, when he started getting headaches, and then had a couple of episodes of confusion. They scanned him very fast, despite all the covid issues, and then did a lumbar puncture to test for spread elsewhere. When he was in having the puncture he spoke to a consultant briefly who said that they do now think it is probably lymphoma. They put him on a two-week course of steroids, with the hope that they will shrink it as effectively this time.
And there we are. We thought someone was going to ring on Thursday but they didn't, and we are still waiting for more news. Things are clearly in a state of some chaos in the ward, with treatments and patients all being rearranged. We don't really know what the MRI looked like, and it still has to be reported on and also looked at by neurologists. The lumbar puncture result has not yet come back. When we were discussing possibilities of treatment earlier in the year they said that the chances of a cure for secondary lymphoma in the brain was between 33%-50%. So not at all good. But they didn't clarify if there was possible treatment short of a cure which would keep him alive.
And then there is the added issue of treatment during the virus. I was ill for three weeks with something viral - today is 35 days since it started - which DH got mildly, so we are very hopeful that he might have antibodies, but of course we have no idea how soon it will be before it is possible for them to test for that.
At the moment we are living in a state of suspended feeling which is quite comfortable. As you'll all know, the waiting for results is the worst thing, and I'm finding it hard to stay calm having heard someone should ring today. DH is fairly resigned. I am really most concerned for our son, who is only 20 and is blocking it all out. (He's at home for the moment as his uni is closed). DH's first illness fell during his A levels and he managed to completely block it out and do very well. During his gap year and first year at uni he has been able to convince himself that everything will be fine. I don't know whether to let him stay in denial or try to help him to face it?