My mum has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed about a month ago, she has liver and lung mets, she was told there isn't much that can be done medically and she's been referred to palliative care.
She lives alone, my sister lives locally and has been spending a lot of time at Mums, our other siblings and I all live a few hours away and we're taking it in turns to go up to her so dsis can have some time off.
Mums health has declined at a reasonably rapid rate and she's now effectively trapped upstairs at home because a) she can't manage the stairs and she has no downstairs toilet and b) she can't do much at all before fatigue overwhelms her and she needs to be in bed - eg yesterday she had a quick shower, sitting on a stool, and that was enough to have her in bed for the next 24 hours.
She is under the care of the community team from the local hospice (they act in lieu of Macmillan in mum's area for community help) who saw her last week, and said at the time that she was ok to stay home for now, although she has expressed a wish for end of life care at the hospice, the time has not yet come for her to be admitted.
Today I've rung her GP and asked them to see her, as her quality of life is zero and my sister's mental health is suffering. (there's a whole other thread's worth of stuff about my mum's shitty attitude towards my sister which has been going on for years). GP suggested possible referral to social services for a care package to help her out at home.
To be honest this whole situation is completely outside any experience I have, I have no idea what to expect. It's clear to me that mum is coming to the end of her life, and emotional stuff aside, I don't now how to deal with the practicalities.
My sister can't look after her full time, due to the back story and my sister's mental health she finds it really hard to be under the same roof. She is a lot younger than my brothers and I, her upbringing was very different to ours and was, at best, less than ideal. Our dad died 20+ years ago and she's never had another partner. Brothers and I live too far away to be there any more than a few days at a time so she gets respite.
How much outside help can we realistically expect? At what point would she be admitted to hospital/hospice for end of life care? Is there a chance that we may have to deal with her dying at home? How do we know when to ask for more help?
I have been told by my employer that I can take time off when I need to, but I doubt that this would extend to weeks/months off and still expect a job to return to.
I could waffle on for pages about all the issues we have with our relationship with Mum and all the emotional crap this is stirring up, but focusing on the practicalities for now is keeping me sane.
It doesn't help that Mums sisters think she's some kind of saint, and can't understand why we're all so wary of her. My brothers are being passive and saying "well done" a lot and my sister is falling apart. I'm losing it here and I don't know what to do.