dh diagnosed with terminal brain tumour , he is 44

[lu9months]

and I have 3 kids. that's it really. no idea how to do this

Im so very sorry. Life is a cruel bitch when it wants to be. I have no words Xx

So sorry to hear your news, how awful. I hope that they can do something for him and you get your miracle.

I can only imagine what you are going through - I am fortunate not to have personal experience of this but I have taught children who have had terminally ill parents. Children deal with things v differently to us adults.

My only suggestions for the dcs would be to make memories for them, as a family, whenever their Dad is well enough to do so. Give them experiences with him that they will continue to talk about as a positive memory of Dad for years to come and keep an album if you can. And try to be gently honest, however hard that may seem.

Do contact Winston's Wish - they do great work supporting families in this journey.

Wishing much love and strength to you all. x

I am very sorry to read the sad news on this thread. I agree with other posters and say that getting plugged in to the services hospices offer is very important. Hospice care is about making the best quality time you can, it's not only for the very end of life. I believe hospice staff may offer particular support for the children or be able to refer you to a source of dedicated support for them. Hospices have attached social workers who can help with financial issues as well as emotional and social ones.
The father of one of dd's friends died from cancer a few years ago. They had about a year after diagnosis and made the decision that it was better for the children for him to die at the hospice where the family could visit him. He spent some time recording songs for his children there. My bil died at home with very good care from Marie Curie nurses supporting my sister. Whatever route you choose I'm sure you will receive excellent support.
There is no escaping the truth that this is the most terrible situation to face but all that can be done is to get through it. Say what needs to be said and help your husbands leave memories for the children. They will draw on those for the rest of their lives. Dying isn't actually about death. We don't know what's beyond. Dying is about love and the pain of loss when you love so dearly but I believe that love is an immensely strong force, full of hope and resilience. Where there is love nothing can be absolutely lost.

Much love and strength coming to both of you from me too.

Wonderful post MrsMaturin.

One thing to sort sooner is lasting power of attorney. Look at .gov.uk site for info. Need separate ones for health and welfare and finances. Next of kin doesnt give you rights to make decisions for your husband if necessary. Wish yoy all well.

thank you all for your kind words.

Thoughts with you lu and daisy - what a tough situation.

I remember when onlyjoking's DH was so ill - and how she tried to make as many good memories as possible for her DC with her DH. Inspirational.

Sending you strength and love, and hoping that all of us Mnetters thinking of you will give some comfort.

I am so sorry to hear your devastating news. My mum had just turned 45 when she received the same diagnosis , a grade 4 glioblastoma. She also had 3 children although we were older 15, 20 and 23. The hospice were absolutely amazing and helped us all tremendously through this difficult time. Feel free to pm me.

lu and daisy
jesus, that's terrible

www.turn2us.org.uk/
might be useful

daisy and lu, it's devastating news to have to process and try to keep going.

Do you have access to Macmillan services?

I was ten when my father died of lung cancer- we had such help from Macmillan and even now I can see how much their help meant to my mother. This was 24 years ago.

My one regret is that I can no longer remember his voice- I can recall how his hugs felt, I remember the smell of Brylcreem on his hair, I can't remember his voice and that does upset me sometimes.

Maybe if your husbands feel well enough, could he record a video letter to each of the children?

hey daisy & lu

how's it going?

Was thinking about you Daisy and Lu, how are things?

My Mum died of a brain tumour. Try to take lots of video and ask him to write letters for the dc. The little momentos I have make me feel closer to mum.

I am so sorry your family are going through this.

I just wanted to say keep strong, do not give up, fight it. It can be done. My DP has been diagnosed with stage IV stomach cancer so I can relate to what you are going through. Get actively doing something positive. Read Anti Cancer a New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber great read. Written by a Dr diagnosed with brain cancer and survived 18 years post diagnosis. Do not underestimate the power of a great diet, get juicing, research into supplements, fight it! Drs often disregard the importance of diet in the cancer fight, they are not trained extensively in nutrition, but they know their drugs. IMO there is too much evidence to ignore the value of a great diet, this book and others (The China Study, eg) taught me this. PM me if you need a chat.

thank you all for your messages. my dh is half way through radiotherapy and chemo, and is tired but ok at the moment. we are trying to make the most of each day, but its hard, he is very tired. my older two kids are really playing up (the youngest is oblivious, thank goodness), and while I totally understand their behaviour and try to be patient, it is very hard since I am struggling to stay calm all the time. we have wonderful friends and family and the nhs staff are great. it is just so hard. it was my birthday last week and I just cried my way through it, thinking about how happy I was last year and wondering if I will be a widow by next year. nevertheless, we still find time for enjoyment and quality time, and I am just trying to take each day as it comes

Can you local hospice offer you any support with the children's reaction and behaviour? The services are there to support families. It's just getting at them - and the hospice service can be a way in.

Oh Lu - there really aren't any words because they won't make this better or go away.

To state the obvious, your elder two are already grieving and that is beyond hard. The Macmillan nurse helped my brother's two. He died at 30.

I totally agree with MrsMaturin - our local hospice not only looked after my Mum but us, too. Their support was amazing and if they don't have anything, they will know where to send you.

My GP's surgery gave me counselling while my Mum was ill and it certainly helped - as did all our local services. One thing my counsellor asked me was: isn't it better to know? I would say "yes" because I got to say and do all those things that really matter but it was one of toughest 18 months of my life. Take care.

thank you all. I have asked our GP for a referral to CAMHS but there is a 6 month waiting list. the kids are pretty ok at the moment since my DH isn't too bad, so hopefully the wait wont matter too much, at least we will get on the waiting list. the social worker at the hospice is coming in the holidays to meet them , she provides 'family support' though not counselling as such. there is a counsellor at my eldests school, but when I mention it to him he isn't interested. still at least it is there if he needs it.

Forgive me if anyone has mentioned this but I've heard good things about an organisation called Winston's Wish - who provide support for children and families facing bereavement. If they don't work local to you, they may know of something that might help.
Sorry you are facing this.

thank you, I have looked at their website and will certainly get in touch with them in due course