Do you / your kids get kids get any backlash at school etc for having gay parents?

[GrinAndBear]

As per the title really. I’ve got two pre school kids, one starting next September and am wondering how likely it is they or we will encounter any issues or awkwardness from school kids or parents for having two mums.

We’ve asked the schools we’ve visited if they ever have issues, and most heads have acted as if they don’t know why we’re asking because obviously it’s not a problem in this day and age, kids don’t see difference as bad and it never comes up etc. I hope this is the case, especially in primary - but I do think some of the heads are perhaps a bit naive if they think literally everyone is cool with lgb people now and homophobia is definitely a thing of the distant past, especially in schools where parents may come from background that are culturally or religiously less accepting.

Anyway just wondering what people’s experiences are? Have your kids had any trouble? Have you?

Hmmm no direct advice, just wanted to say DS ages 5 has a friend with 2 mums in gymnastics right now and if you listen to the kids talk, it is THE coolest thing in the world. I'm sure there are downsides too but this is the first time the questions have come up in real life as opposed to books etc, and currently all there is is novelty factor and 'why can't I have 2 mums?!'

We intentionally moved somewhere that would mean DS1 was unlikely to be the only one with gay parents - there was one other child in nursery and now that he's in year 1 there's 3 other children. In reception I had to have a word with the teacher because he was saying DP and I couldn't be married, but the teacher was mortified - I did reassure her I knew it wouldn't be coming from her, and just playground chat confusion. That's the closest we've had to an "issue". The school is very reflective of its surroundings though.

There was only one occasion when the kids were in primary school when another child said that it was wrong, the school spoke to the child and the parents and it never happened again.

My kids go to a C of E school with a kid who has 2 mums and a different kid with 2 dads. I know one of the families and as far as I'm aware there's been no issues or comments made. The kids generally don't appear to view it as unusual.

We’ve asked the schools we’ve visited if they ever have issues, and most heads have acted as if they don’t know why we’re asking because obviously it’s not a problem in this day and age, kids don’t see difference as bad and it never comes up etc.

I'm aware people mean well, but this is such a tedious response.

FWIW, my DD has two mums. She attends a small rural primary school with very little diversity of any kind. When she started some of the children would run up to her in the playground or us at the gates shouting 'two mums! two mums!' and for a while we were a nine-days-wonder with the kids as the little ones would ask DD if she had two mums and the older ones would explain that you can have two mums.

None of this was malicious; it just is what it is. Small children will and do remark on anything they happen to notice and be interested in. It is far, far better to acknowledge that this happens than to pretend it doesn't - and IME, schools can be bad at this. Of course, it wasn't awful for DD to hear people shouting 'two mums!' (because, of course, she does have two mums!). But it could have upset her if it had struck her as a taunt, and so it did need managing, and I did need to explain to a couple of children yes, she has two mums, because DD aged 4 wasn't really up to that.

Since then she has had one older girl who bullied her about being boyish-looking; we're not totally clear how much this was also about her having two mums (because DD wasn't quite clear but said it was). School took this seriously and moved DD off this girl's lunch table (they sit in mixed-age groups), though there's still a slightly 'off' dynamic there.

The other thing we've had is that some parents - and I don't think they even realise they are doing this - are conditioned (probably because we all grew up with Section 28) to think that 'lesbian' is a rude word/something 'we don't say in front of children'.

That's the sum of it for us, and I am sure it would have been easier in a more diverse environment. It's not bad at all, but it is also very silly to think children never need to navigate these issues, because of course they do.

Ds1 age 10 came home outraged a few months ago, as some kids were using gay as a slur. He did say it was the same ones being racist, so it seems more that they are being taught to hate broadly, not specifically.

One girl in his class did get judged for having short hair and wearing trousers. She now has long hair and skirts, so I guess it is hard to go against the grain.

Essentially, you can't guarantee that everything will be fine, but the same people would just find something else if she had opposite sex parents. Even Peppa Pig has a same sex parents couple these days, so it should be no surprise to any of them.