Mother has persuaded asd child they are trans

[Gariboldi]

Our nephew's mum has told him that he is trans. He is 9 almost 10. He has always been clear that he's a boy who likes long hair and told his dad that he didn't think his mum was right. Dad divorced. Mum has now got his gender and name changed at school and cut child off from all family on both sides & we dont know why. We have not said anything about trans and called child by female name once mum said as we feared repercusions if we didn't. School say nothing apart from name has changed - still into ' male 'type pursuits, crushes on girls etc, prefers to play with boys. Mum says he is lesbian like her.He's autistic so tends to believe what people tell him. We and his dad are pro trans rights and if we thought he might be trans it wouldnt be a problem but we feel his mum is pushing him and from what we have all seen and hear from child he isn't. Mum has Borderline Personality Disorder and is bipolar and she is anti men and wanted a girl. We think she is having psychotic episodes again.We all want to help the child but mum cut off contact with all his family after she told us he is trans.Father used to get on well with him. Father in contact with Children's Services , NSPCC and School but won't go for CAO. Father had him EOW until mum cut contact. He's tried to get it back but mum wont communicate with him. We have contacted school and Children'sServices too but can't get anyone to listen. .We used to have him to stay a lot too and he got on well with our son..What can we as the child relatives do to try to help him? ( mum is my sister) we think the child must feel isolated and confused. Agencies and school just go along with immediate affirmation. A LGBTQ charity has told us the child should be safeguarded by school because it doesn't sound like it was his choice but no one listens to us. Child known to Children’s Services because of mums mental health problems and issues in the past but they are just saying case closed. We think mum is emotionally harming the child. If we thought he was trans we'd support him. We want him to make his own choices. Any advice welcome. We think this must be an unusual case. With many trans kids parents are reluctant to
accept they are which we feel is wrong too.Thank you.

Look, I despise transition in children, I completely agree that transitioning children is abuse. I'm also a social worker, and wish we had a better grip on the issue. But that case had far more going on that a child being transitioned by a parent. Children are being reported by parents to be 'trans' all the time. The cass report doesn't change the way schools and social services are responding to this. You cannot go to a school and cite the cass report and expect them to understand why social transitioning is abusive and respond accordingly, it's not going to happen. We are a long long way away from that.

InkHeart2024 a case like this has been tnrough the courts and the SS staff were "told off" by the Judge. The key here is the child has said "I am boy". But agreed without a court order or ongoing court case all SS can do is write a report to risk assess.

The school on the other hand should not be "actively supporting" the mother's wishes to call the child by a new name when the child is clearly saying he is a boy and his name is X. So what the child has told the Dad and the school may differ.

Gariboldi What the dad needs to do is stop faffing around and hire a solicitor (who is good at family court) and look for full custody with supervision when the child is in contact with the mother. The court will then look at all the evidence includung what the 10 year old is saying and make a decision.

A concern should be the use of the internet to access drugs (and quack doctors). It may be advisable for the father to turn up at the school gates and take the child out for tea.

@InkHeart2024 , there looks to be plenty else going on here as well, from what the OP says - mother with significant mental health problems, child with ASD, cutting off the child from all wider family...

Ok, if you insist. I'm just speaking from experience. In this case the only route likely to be effective is the father making an application to court which for some reason he's not doing.

I agree he should be making an application to the court, and indeed that was what the father in the other case ended up doing.

I understand that you love and are worried about your nephew. It’s fine for you to raise concerns with social services. But the child’s father has to step up. Why on earth is he not pushing to have at least 50/50 custody if he has these concerns about his son’s wellbeing?