Non-binary romantic friend? Don’t really understand…

[Inamuddle36]

I hope someone can help me to understand what “non-binary” means in terms of physical/sexual relationships.

Could someone help me understand what is a relationship between a man and a non-binary person — in terms of physical relations (or sexual, if it were to come to that)? — specifically, a relationship where one person is physically male and thinks of himself as male and the other is physically female but thinks of “themself” as either male or non-binary.

I realise I am shaped by my own binary orientation, thinking of relationships as being between a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman, and don’t understand what would be the sexual dynamic of a male + non-binary “afab” (for want of another term).

the question is not entirely theoretical but I don’t want to give more details at the moment.

i would welcome insights either from non-binary people or others who understand such relationships.

Just remembered I posted similar question on a thread a few months ago and had a few helpful replies. But I still don’t understand the link between sexuality and non-binary. Don’t sexual relations have to be somewhat binary? If two females who identify as non-binary are in a sexual relationship, doesn’t it have to be (physically) as lesbians even if one or both identify as masculine given they both have female bodies? Or if a male is in a relationship with a female who identifies as non-binary, doesn’t it have to be as a heterosexual relationship, even if the female identifies as “masculine”. Or is sex (as in sexual relations) changing?

I would be grateful to anyone who could bring me up-to-date on sexual norms…

They might identify as pansexual if they end up in a sexual relationship? Is that what you’re asking?

If they are having sex with each other, they are a heterosexual couple. But one of the couple may well think they’re super special.

I'm not really sure what you're asking, or why? Surely a sexual relationship is just that, regardless of gender/sexualities? I'm not being facetious, I'm just a bit puzzled.

I think I'd er on the side of not giving a fuck frankly.

On a personal level I would not give a crap where people stick their bits whatever the jigsaw of their genitalia is. If anyone ever felt the need to announce anything about their sexuality I would wonder why they felt the need to unless they wanted me to know in case I was up for it.

Buy condoms is my advice.

I genuinely don't understand your question..People have sex with the body parts they have in the way that they most enjoy. .If someone has a penis and a prostate, they are likely to do things that stimulate one or both. Same goes for a clitoris and vagina. But different people will like different ways of doing things regardless of sex or gender and will want different acts with different body parts. Is there a more specific question that you want to ask?

A male and a "non-binary afab" is just the same as a straight couple. So they'll do the same things as other straight couples
(So PIV, anal, pegging, oral etc depending on the couple)

The two things are unrelated. How two people have sex is really none of your business. And if you’re one of the two people then you do whatever feels good and you’re both comfortable with. Gender doesn’t really come into it.

Two people fancy each other and stimulate each other sexually. Identifying makes no difference. If they are the same sec we call it homosexual activity if they are different sexes we call it heterosexual behaviour. What is the confusion?

I am not really sure what I am asking — just trying to understand the modern world. What does “pan sexual” mean?

i gather most responders think it is no one’s concern what others “get up to”. I don’t want to go into details but the question relates to a young and possibly vulnerable close friend.

Buy them some condoms, cos it's heterosexual sex they'll be having.

Which i know is desperately boring and vanilla to young Spicy Straights these days.

Keep your eye on the girl who says she's NB, lest the cult suck her in even further and start giving her ideas.

@Inamuddle36
The non binary person (who is female) doesn't want to be known as a girl or a boy. So is a "romantic friend" rather than a girlfriend. But in this situation they are (potentially) having hetero sex
(My best friend is married to a NB 'afab' bit uses the term spouse not wife. They have lesbian sex)

Pansexual means you're open to dating anyone, man, woman , trans man, trans woman, non binary of either sex.

And before anyone pulls me up on the use of 'afab' I'm using it because OP did, so it's a term they understand.

This. It's irrelevant what they identify as - they're two opposite sex people having sex. In other words they're straight and babies can be made. Which is very boring. But identifying as NB means they're not boring

They are a man and a woman having heterosexual sex. The same rules apply regardless of identity. Use a condom, pregnancy and STIs are a risk.

I'm guessing that the young person is the non binary one, going to call them YP for the sake of ease.

So the YP is getting close to an adult man, who as far as you know is straight? Unless you know the YP is 100% only attracted to women (and it sounds like YP is a bit in flux and probably doesn't know their own feelings necessary at this age), I'd assume there's a chance that all the things are happening that could happen between a teenage girl and an older man that's interested in her, i.e. anything from inappropriate flirting, to grooming, to sex, to exploitation.

The fact that the YP is non binary doesn't mean squat in terms of a) a man's wish to have sex with them b) their risk of being sucked into such a relationship c) the usual risk of having a female body so pregnancies, STIs etc. It's no PROTECTION is what I'm saying, them being non binary makes them no different from any other girl in terms of damage that can be done. If anything (and I realise this is controversial) it makes me more alert that they could be pushed into doing things, as many people who are in doubt about their identity and sexuality have other vulnerabilities too like depression, autism, other things.

@Outdamnspot23 thank your for your helpful observations. I realise I wasn’t clear in my opening questions. The two individuals are roughly the same age — still young (in my eyes) but above the age of consent.

@Clymene @Ameanstreakamilewide @Outdamnspot23 thank you for your helpful comments. I am slowly getting “up to speed” with what continues to feel like a new world. (Though I am sure some will tell me nothing is really “new”, other than the labels)

It isn’t new. 'Non-binary' just means they want to signal they’re terribly special and not like the other girls. But of course they are. They are female, the partner is male, they are a heterosexual couple presumably doing what every heterosexual couple does, and has done since the year dot.

Unfortunately people have been assured we're living in a wonderful new world where it’s all rainbows and unicorns and everything is exciting and different. Really it’s just the same but made tiresomely complicated and tedious by unending jargon.

Taking the question at face value:
It completely depends on the couple. As with any couple it would depend on personal preference, and also for the non-binary person there might be some activities that they don't enjoy because they cause body dysphoria. They might prefer non-penetrative sex, or anal sex, they might prefer a strap-on or other sex toys. Or they might still have penis-in-vagina intercourse.

Assuming you are an adult responsible for keeping them safe, I would talk in detail about consent, make sure they have access to reliable information, and make sure they have contraception and know how to use it.

Eh? One person has a penis one has a vagina I assume they'll be having sex (either PIV/ anal/ oral/pegging/ whatever tickles their fancy)
If person with vagina identifies only as male and wants to undergo gender reassignment they may not like using their vagina and may prefer anal.
Pansexual means you fancy the person regardless of their sex or what they identify as.

They're exactly the same as any other male and female couple. Being non binary doesn't change anything.

Non binary basically means you don't conform to gender stereotypes. Why we suddenly need a name for this and to speak in a whole new way is beyond me. Being non binary is not related to sexuality, they could still want to have sex with men or women or both.

It completely depends on the couple. As with any couple it would depend on personal preference, and also for the non-binary person there might be some activities that they don't enjoy because they cause body dysphoria. They might prefer non-penetrative sex, or anal sex, they might prefer a strap-on or other sex toys. Or they might still have penis-in-vagina intercourse.

Back in my day, this was just saying what you did or didn't l want to do in bed. I never realised it was linked to one's inner gender.

On another note, it also sounds like a situation for pushing someone's boundaries along the 'you would if you loved me', but with added, 'you've got to respect my pronouns'.