Trans Desistance

[Confusedmum71]

In light of the recent research that says ROGD is not backed up by scientific evidence, I am wondering if that fits with parental experiences?
Are there any parents willing to share updates on their trans children? Especially teenage girls.
I was content with a watchful waiting approach, safe in the knowledge that a large proportion of teens desist in the absence of interventions, but my anxieties are resurfacing in light of this new research.
thank you

[ivejustgotthis]

Oh I was thinking earlier to post something very similar, but I can't answer myself as we are still in the going along/watchful waiting bit, no desisting here after a year and a bit.

[GatherlyGal]

My D is not desisting but real life seems to be getting in the way of the trans obsession. She came out at 13 and is now 18. As time goes on I think desistance is more likely. We've just kept her busy and now she has lovely friends, a girlfriend and a busy social life and she's so much happier. Its not gone away by any means but it no longer impacts family life constantly (as it used to).

[GatherlyGal]

Also please don't worry about the research - no one knows anything like enough yet about what will happen to these girls.

[Confusedmum71]

No desistance here after 2 years in October. The intensity seems to vary dependent upon who she’s hanging out with.

[GatherlyGal]

How old is she @Confusedmum71 ? It is so hard. It's also our experience that peers have a huge impact. Teens are very influenceable.

[Confusedmum71]

14.will be 15 in September. Still quite immature in many ways but mature in others. She currently doesn’t seem particularly distressed about much but has just gotten rid of clothes she bought 4 weeks ago as they’re ‘too feminine’ and had a more masculine haircut. She’s also just adopted a new name - the third now I think!

[SlipperyLizard]

Do you have a link to the research? Seems to me there is very clear (based on numbers alone) ROGD, I’d be interested to see what evidence has been produced to suggest there isn’t.

[Confusedmum71]

Trying to copy and paste the link but I’m a bit of a dunce!
it’s a report published early August in Pediatrics entitled ‘Sex assigned at birth ratio amongst transgender and gender diverse adolescents in the United States’

[Whatsnewpussyhat]

There is zero scientific evidence of 'trans' though. It is entirely feelings based. There is no scan, blood test or any other medical evidence that can prove it. It is simply whatever anyone claims it is.

Dysphoria is a mental health issue.

There is plenty of evidence however of teenage girls suffering social contagion and finding maladaptive ways of dealing with mental health issues or trauma and body changes they can't control during puberty.
No different from anorexia or other self harm.

ROGD is just that. Girls, mostly, who have zero issue with being a girl until they hit puberty. This recent explosion of teen girls suddenly claiming to be trans IS evidence of ROGD.

[Hairlikeabewitchedhaystack]

Mine came out last summer 4 months from 16th b'day. He had been very withdrawn for months and gradually cutting hair shorter and shorter. Clothes also changed and all feminine items were thrown out and he insisted on wearing a binder (quite large chested). He very quickly changed names in school (without telling us) but now everyone in the wider family, school and other friends use it all the time. To be honest, he is a much happier teenager now which sometimes makes me think it is real. On the other hand however, deep down I don't believe it is. It was so very sudden and came on the back of Covid, the isolation from friends and too much time spent online. I firmly believe there is an element of not fitting in with society's ideals of the female form and peer influences. I live in hope that he will mature and desist. Somedays I look at him and see my little girl still there, but other days the change seems very real.The lack of services available here in Ireland has been a blessing in my opinion, and meant he could not access puberty blockers. He has a girlfriend, lots of female friends and is doing well in school. This time last year, I felt my world was falling apart. I am more at peace with it now but ultimately praying and hoping that he will desist. Time will tell, but for us parents it it a very difficult time and I am never sure if I am doing the right thing.

[Confusedmum71]

Hugs to everyone struggling with this - it is so hard.
I was rather hoping for an immediate outpouring of parents saying ‘yes, my add no longer wants damaging hormone treatment and mutilating surgeries’ but then I suppose any parents who have come out of the other side unscathed don’t feel the need to lurk on these boards looking for hope to cling to!

[ivejustgotthis]

Hairlikeabewitchedhaystack that's so similar to mine even though they're mtf, Much happier but I still think it's just a coping mechanism - mine is exactly like the lovely male goth/hippy lads I used to know.

[SlipperyLizard]

A paper by Jack Turban is hardly a neutral resource, he’s heavily invested in denying ROGD. Here’s a good thread about the paper

twitter.com/twisterfilm/status/1555597985379221505?s=21&t=4HeBmS94dTtw7AVgLrOwbw

[Confusedmum71]

Thank you SlipperyLizard - that makes me feel a little better

[GatherlyGal]

I didn't realise that was the paper - I agree with @SlipperyLizard absolutely no scientific basis for findings he is a full on activist and not a neutral source of information.

In our experience it is not a linear process and there are ups and downs and some comfort / relief comes from either a new name or new pronouns at school for instance but none of that is permanent. I think for girls (I only know my DD) it is about hiding from being female and a reaction to not fitting in. My boyish looking kid has been called a boy forever and that was a factor. Also do not underestimate how hard being a lesbian is.

Age brings understanding, maturity and perspective which 14 yo just does not have.

In dark times I remind myself that trans is something you do not something you are. There is no such thing as a trans child just a kid who uses it as a coping mechanism (unhelpfully cheered on by adults).

[Hairlikeabewitchedhaystack]

It really does help to chat to other parents going through the same thing. Can I ask if any of your children have seen psychologists or psychologists or psychiatrists in relation to this? It is impossible to get even a private appt here. Sometimes I think that's a good thing then others I think if it is a mental health disorder am I failing my child by not having him to talk to a professional?He did have one 50 session with a Counsellor just after he came out, but I was horrified when afterwards, the counsellor said yes, basically it's game on, you need to get your child to a GP. 50 mins with the child I had brought up for 16 years!!

[Confusedmum71]

We’re waiting for a CAMHS appointment with a therapist to include a multitude of issues - self harm, eating disorder. DD has also self diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, adhd, bpd, anxiety depression etc over the last 2 years so I think some sort of therapy is in order. Tried a private counsellor but she wouldn’t engage. Tried school counsellor- didn’t make much difference. Original CAMHS psychotherapist she doesn’t like.(but nor do I). Currently just riding it out!

[ivejustgotthis]

Yes basically anyone with less experience (eg counsellors) mine saw were more likely to say yes they may well be or accept it and not challenge it, I mean I can do that. We luckily found someone (psychologist) who is highly qualified with teenagers who can gently challenge and talk around lots of stuff, who is a great support. But it's not easy, there was just one person who stood out in my search and we got lucky....I know what you mean about a counsellor thinking they have understood your child in a way you haven't, we want careful help and support, not steamrollering! And of course the child has to really want to see someone or they will think you are trying to fix them...But you won't fail them either way, our psychologist is one useful support tool but I'm sure yours will work it out with their lovely friends and family too.

[ivejustgotthis]

Sorry Confusedmum71, cross post! Yes lots of self diagnosing here too, which eventually just settled on the gender dysphoria (although other obvious issues with eating and anxiety)

[Hairlikeabewitchedhaystack]

Thank you both for replying. Our GP did refer to CAMHS but he didn't reach the criteria as apparently there are no other issues (that I know of anyway). It is great you found a good psychologist ivejustgothis. I'd rather he saw no one than the wrong person. I was lucky enough to speak to an eminent psychiatrist just for advice and the main take away was to remember the trans part of our children is just that, a single part of them. They have so many other parts and roles. I certainly found this a good way of looking at it.

[AgnestaVipers]

Lots of support out there. Some useful links:
www.parentsofrogdkids.com/
genspect.org/
www.transgendertrend.com/new-study-on-rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria/

[AgnestaVipers]

Also, there's an organisation called Thoughtful Therapists that attempts to provide a corrective to the affirmation model that is literally written into the BACP ethical framework.
thoughtfultherapists.org/

[ivejustgotthis]

I do like the person they are now and would rather they were strutting their stuff than suffering like last year, although I still worry about the ideology element. Which I think is why people are okay watchful waiting through the teen years, we've all been sucked into body/fashion/social whatever ideologies (so again, from the UK, farewell to gids...)

[ivejustgotthis]

Sorry, England isn't it, whoops

[Hairlikeabewitchedhaystack]

@ivejustgotthis

I do like the person they are now and would rather they were strutting their stuff than suffering like last year, although I still worry about the ideology element. Which I think is why people are okay watchful waiting through the teen years, we've all been sucked into body/fashion/social whatever ideologies (so again, from the UK, farewell to gids...)

I know exactly what you mean. I too love the more confident person they are now compared to before they came out but as you say, the ideology element is concerning.