I've namechanged in case this is outing. I was hoping for some support and handholding.
And as much as I know saying Daily Mail and other media outlets are not welcome to use this information probably won't have any effect, I'll say it anyway. This is really sensitive and I'm just on here for support.
Pronouns in this will change and vary - please bear with me, I'm trying really hard to get my head around it.
My DC (DD) last week gave me a letter telling me that she wants to become a boy, with a boy's name and male pronouns. She was shaking and crying. My approach was to thank them for telling me, say the'd been very brave and to be supportive. I also suggested they speak to their CAHMS therapist that they were seeing the next day.
Some background is that my DC is 12. They have had a difficult few months. Began self-harming by scratching at the beginning of year 8. Threatened to jump off a balcony at school and me and her dad (who I'm not with) had to take her to A&E, which is why she is getting CAHMS help.
On top of this, I think it is very likely that they may be on the autistic spectrum - My child came to me saying they thought they had a special need and asked if they could be assessed after I'd been privately wondering for years. My DC's father (who I am about 98% sure is also autistic himself) does not agree. However, school and I got the Ed Psych involved and they are due to see a paediatrician for assessment in a month.
DD's father is not an easy person. Given to ranting and pontificating. She always idolised him and spent years parroting his theories and believing everything he said. Recently I think the scales are falling from her eyes which is so tough for her. When she started self harming and talked to the safeguarding lead at her school, she told them that part of the self harm was to do with the fact that her father always tells her what to think.
I think it is highly unlikely that DD is a boy trapped in a girl's body. I am not anti trans - it's just that it seems to have come out of nowhere. I know people that have transitioned and it's made perfect sense, but in this case it really doesn't. I think the mental health problems, the possible ASD and other issues are feeding into a much more complex picture, I think this is something that DD is following in order to feel "right".
However, I also feel very strongly that a lot of the self harm and acting out is to do with a sense of not being heard or taken seriously. Though this is not how I see things - it is their truth at the moment and it's hugely important to them.
My DC has told key adults at school and friends. Both have been very supportive.
I'm using the new name at home and trying my best with the male pronouns - sometimes I use more gender neutral ones - including in emails to school. The plan is that I am taking them to a trans friendly hairdressers for a male haircut and they are going to change their name and pronouns at school after Easter.
DC's Dad is apparently supportive of the haircut and living as a boy thing but will not call them by the male name, will introduce them to people as his daughter and will only use female pronouns. DC is very upset about this.
Having seen so much anti trans stuff on here I'm really worried about seeking support. I don't want to go down an anti trans route. That's not how I see things. I also can't totally embrace the idea of my DD transitioning as I am sceptical based on information I know about my own child. I really don't know how best to have a sensible discussion.
I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing in supporting but also being honest that I find it difficult and I am open to the idea that this may just where they are right now - whilst doing the whole male name, haircut, male pronouns thing.
Has anyone else been here?