DS very angry he can't wear "girls clothes"

[Shrekst]

Hi I'm posting here so there isn't a lot of hatred and arguing. Please be respectful, this is a really difficult time.

DS has always been allowed whatever h wants. He has princess dresses to dress up with at home, he likes short hair so has it like that and he wears all the pink in the world. Not w problem at all. I don't try and pretend to him it's girls stuff. He's just a boy who likes those things, not a boy who likes girls stuff.

Anyway, he is extremely angry when he cannot wear a school summer dress, girl school shoes, leotard and skirt at dance, swimming costume/bikini, he's even wanted to try a bra type thing.

This is what concerns me, I've told him some of those clothes are designed in such ways for a girls body (seriously what else can I say!?). I've said you don't need a bra do you? And he gets so angry. Hysterically crying. He's not good at vocalising how he feels.

He started destroying his school uniform the other day, sobbing he can't wear a skirt.

I honestly don't know what to do. I've always been very much if I raise him to believe he can be a boy and have these things, he'll never need to think he's a girl.

I'm at such a loss. Does this sound like a transgender child to you? He's 10 by the way.

If possible I think you need to talk with him a bit more about what is going on at the root of this, because socially he may have a really hard time if he starts wearing skirts or dresses to school.

It could be something to do with friendship groups for example and him wanting to feel more included. If more of his friends are girls and he is being bullied by boys then he may want to feel closer to the girls.

I mention this because my tomboy dd (similar age) has a hard time with the girls in her year group friendship wise, but gets on really well with the boys.

It is seen as more socially acceptable for her to wear trousers and play football than for a boy with an interest in traditionally female clothing and activities.

He could wear those items at home without any problems. If he is insistent be really open with him about how hard it may be if he does make the choice to wear girl clothing to school, not to scare him off, but to prepare him mentally for it as if he is already in a fragile place mentally and emotionally it may have a negative impact on him.

"He is only 10. This might be a decision that he regrets but will never be able to live down. Also, the other children might start asking him if he's a girl, etc. It will complicate things for him."

People will make assumption about him, based on how he's dressed. Children can be cruel. He's still quite young, and this would need a lot of discussion/prep, "if anyone calls you a girl, just ignore them", a chat with someone in the school would be needed, etc. Not something you just do on a whim.

I can’t believe some of the comments on here.

I can’t really advise you but wanted to say that we all want our kids to be happy and be whatever they want to be. Why can’t he wear a dress? Our son is 8. At home and at friends and family’s homes he loves to wear girls clothes. I don’t think ‘we are making a rod for our own backs’ letting him do this. He is more comfortable wearing these clothes and that’s fine by us. I don’t want to teach him that dressing this way is in any way wrong. It may just be a phase or may not be. If not then he will face enough discrimination from bigots without the people he loves the most also denying him to be himself.

You are doing a great job.

It's really hard to know if your child is transgender but it does sound like they want to express their gender as a girl. As a transgender person this is tied in with getting the world to identify you as the gender you identify as and inline with how you see yourself in the mirror. Being this angry does make it sound like some sort of gender dysphoria. My advice would be to allow them to express themselves as they wish - forcing kids into a gender role is really harmful. With time to explore they may well go back to boys clothes who knows. You can always get advice from other parents via Allsorts www.allsortsyouth.org.uk/ who have parents chat groups.

vickyjgo

It's really hard to know if your child is transgender but it does sound like they want to express their gender as a girl. As a transgender person this is tied in with getting the world to identify you as the gender you identify as and inline with how you see yourself in the mirror. Being this angry does make it sound like some sort of gender dysphoria. My advice would be to allow them to express themselves as they wish - forcing kids into a gender role is really harmful. With time to explore they may well go back to boys clothes who knows. You can always get advice from other parents via Allsorts www.allsortsyouth.org.uk/ who have parents chat groups.

Vicky you have turned up on a pile of old zombie threads today to advertise Allsorts.
Not on. Please let the parents in the LGBT parents section give each other some peer support as they deal with difficult issues.
This isn't the place to advertise.

Hi Dandilions I think some of the support I see here is really great peer support online like this can be great. BUT the support here is only online and talking to someone or going to a meeting a in many ways much better as I am sure you would agree. How many problems have we all had solved at the school gate while waiting for our kids and chatting to other parents. So while I think online is great I do also think there are some excellent parent support groups such as Allsorts who give that extra level of support. Thinking you re the only one going through a problem is he worst feeling and groups like Allsorts can really help show us that we are not alone. Vicky

Get him a kilt. Why does he want to wear a skirt anyway?

It was a pain in the arse when I was at school - I had permanently scabby knees and sand in my knickers.

Could he wear shorts to school? It might be a nice little part way step without opening him up to ridicule from other kids.

A bra?
What the hell is he viewing online?
Have a look.
If this isn’t a wind up.