DD1 came out to us this weekend and I don't know what to do for the best

[bltandanicecupoftea]

Our eldest DD (14) came out to us this weekend as pansexual. We praised her for being so brave to come out to us (she has already come out to her younger sister (12) & a small group of close friends), had her explain what it was, said it was fine with us, advised her to be careful about who she shares this information with (because other people can be idiots, not because we want her to hide herself away) and hugged her. Everything has been fine since then.

I've done some googling & understand better what it means. I've also had another conversation with her about it today to understand better and make sure she's ok/safe. I know she had a crush on a friend's son a while back and from what she's said she's had similar feelings towards someone at her (all-girls) school.

DP's attitude was fine and he seems totally relaxed about it. I, on the other hand, am now freaking out (slightly, not too much) about how to deal with it and keep her safe. I think I'm still in shock tbh.

It was all further compounded today by DD2 (12) telling me about her group of friends (a mix of bi-, a-, straight etc). When I followed that up with 'what about you' I was honestly expecting her to say 'no, I'm totally straight'. Instead her eyes just filled with tears. I was so gutted that I'd unintentionally led her to a question she didn't want to answer. I hugged her, said whatever she feels she is is ok with us and she can tell us when she's ready to. And I wouldn't mention it again.

I gave DP the heads up, said about her group of friends and he responded by saying there seems to be a band wagon situation - as in they're all jumping on it. So I think he's certainly sceptical about DD2 and also possibly about DD1.

Anyhoo whatever they both are or decide to be, sexuality wise, is fine but I just don't know how to deal with it going forward. I need to talk about it but DP is more of a mind to see how things pan out over time. There's only so much talking he'll contribute to. I just don't feel I can do nothing. I don't mean I want to 'change their minds/feelings' or anything like that. But I feel like I'm staring at a blank page now.

Also, having brought up a child in 90s and one teenager now.........the openness of sexuality/gender in media and schools today does encourage more questioning much earlier which we need to be aware of as parents when our families encourage oppenness and honesty. What they bounce off us may not be so set in stone when they start experimenting. My eldest was ‘experimenting’ and questioning for 6 years before I had a clue and we were very close during that. Whereas questioning ones self was more private only 15 years ago it is much more ‘public’ now within peer groups and we as supportive family members are witness to it.

DD(18) has dated boys and girls. She told us she fancied girls too when she was 16. We just let her get on with it and treat everyone she brings home the same. I do think it's a bit of a fashion, but I'm just glad she's jumped on this one rather than the trans one.

DS(11) tells us about people in his class who are gay or bi or whatever. He's a bit baffled by it all to be honest. We just say "pick a nice person to love".

BiL is gay so our kids have grown up with acceptance of it.

What type of school does she attend where Year 7s are identifying with all of these labels? Sounds very intense and quite pressuring. I'd be breezy in the extreme and try to fill up their time with hobbies and sport and get them off social media and the internet. Far too much for kids that age. Christ what next? Pansexual?!? The brain boggles.