BF wife wants to take children abroad to live with new man - can she?

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Dh's & my best friend (male) lives abroad but the country he lives in has the same legal system as the UK.

His wife asked for divorce a year ago when youngest child was 18m and has another older dc 5. She always denied there being anyone else, but he was always uneasy about her friendship with the man she worked with when travelling abroad (always indignantly denied) and it does now turn out this wealthy friend is the OM who resides in another country.

Best friend is a very hands-on Dad, takes them to school/nursery every-morning so he can get to see them every day, devotes his entire holidays to them, altered his work commitments so he can be there asap after school when he sees eldest dc one evening a week and wants as much time as he can with the children (currently a day/overnight at the weekend). His soon-to-be ex relies on maid and MIL to do the basic care like bedtime. She is going to be made redundant, says she can't afford to stay in the country she's spent the last 35yrs living in and will take the children to live in another country where her millionaire boyfriend lives (and her sister's family)

How likely is it that she will be able to take the children? Surely no judge can make her stay?

Even though a country may have the same legal system as the UK it may be applied in different ways. Apart from some reserved areas there is no unified system in the UK anyway - Scotland has very different family laws to England & Wales. So your BF really needs to see a solicitor in the country where he lives to find out where he stands and what options there are.

In most western jurisdictions although it is considered inappropriate to restrict the freedom of movement of adults to take the children abroad to live requires the consent of all those with parental responsibility for a child or permission from the courts.

How likely permission is to granted really depends upon the country involved but the considerations are the motives behind the move and the nature of the relationship with the other parent. Moving to be near family or for economic reasons are generally seen as positive whereas a lack of planning regarding accommodation, finances and education or poor history of contact would be negative.

Decisions are usually based on whether it is in the best interests of the child to move with the parent or whether the child's sense of security and established bonds would be better maintained by remaining with the other parent. The latter would be more likely when children live equally (including overnights) with both parents.

Sometimes rather than object to the move and damage long term family relations it is better to ensure proper arrangements are in place for contact. Although this perhaps means seeing children less often the periods of contact can be extended. For example, a father near to where I live moved to Russia with the two children and the Christmas and Easter school holidays are shared and they spend the whole of the summer school holiday with the mother.

Thank you for this considered reply, SIDW, I will forward it to him, although it will be a bit of a blow to realise she has what looks like the right to move the children abroad. He is seeking legal advice asap.

He thought he was divorcing more on the basis of contested finances, although so far the reply has been "it's not enough" (50/50 asset split since they earn the same, plus he'll pay all education costs and for the children's personal maid). He'd hoped for 50/50 res, he moved only 5mins away so they could easily see him but now...

sorry, STIDW

He's replied and said thank you for the realistic info, since lawyer is all positive, positive and he'd rather know what he's facing.

Has rung again in tears and I don't know what to say to him. He's the sort that bunks down with the dcs when they're ill, reads endless stories and now is just so, so sad.

tell him to look at www.wikivorce.com
there is good advice for that sort of thing there. the forums are good

prohibited steps order? based on the dc school. he needs to say why its best they stay here. school is the usual and best way. say it will disrupt education,first friendships etc

Thankyou ILoveTiffany, I will. I'll email it tonight. I think he could use some support and practical advice.

He was willing to support all bills for soontobe-ex-wife's household (including MIL) until she got another job, so this is a big blow. I suggested 6m ago that she may engineer the loss of her job if she couldn't make him agree to her having total parental custody.

To STIDW's suggestions I would also like to add that, if your friend is considering the option of agreeing to the removal of the children then he should ensure he has an effectively worded court order and an order with the same wording and effect in the country the ex wife is moving to. He needs to be have something in the jurisdiction she is living in to enforce. It is important to know the law in the county they are now in and the country she is moving to. It is easy to say but being despondent is not the answer, he needs to be informed.

Thank you Joanna, will tell pass on this really good advice.

He is back on track after being initially just stunned. Is getting legal advice and has at the forefront of his mind what is best for the children. He is such a good man and a great involved dad.