Can my ex stop me from moving?

[vdolly]

My ex and I always had the plan to move away with our young son, around 3 and half hours away, staying within England. We have since fallen out (because the pub is more important to him than his family) and I don’t know if we will be able to come back from it. I would still like to stick to the plan, but could he stop me from moving with our son?

Much older school age child I bet not an infant with a mum on Mat leave surely? And I bet this dad actually bothered whereas op is just down the pub

Are you planning on lining away now rather than when you planned?

Because yes, he can stop his child being moved 3.5 hours away and if you’re planning on doing it before the time you’d discussed that would likely go in his favour.

It may not be what you want to hear but it’s the situation.

The only way around it would be to move - then split when you are there.

If you move before he can find out and while the baby is still under 1 it will be easier, you'll probably have to take the baby for visits if he takes you to court. If you wait until your child has established connections to the area (nursery, family, friends) and he's prepared he can stop the move.

OP, everyone was being respectful. Some gave you the information you needed and some suggested having his involved would be helpful for you. The downside of having to facilitate all the transport, for example is major. I don't know what you have on your shoulder but it's not a good look

What brilliant advice.

Yes, he can, but if he isn't bothering much with the baby now, do you really think he'll be bothered enough to stop you?

I know two women (acquaintances, not friends) who moved to be near their own families and away from partners who were not doing a lot to be decent dads anyway. When they moved I did think will the dads not object to that? Apparently they never did as just quite unbothered by it. They see the kids sporadically.

I'm not giving an opinion on whether it is right or not as you have been clear you don't want one

He can lodge an order to prevent you from moving your DC outside of what would be considered their normal catchment. For you to have any chance of fighting it you’d need to prove why it would be beneficial. You can’t simply say I want to live there, you’d need a support network in place, increased prospects, medical necessity etc. And don’t forget that you moving must not impact their contact. You would be responsible for travel costs to get DC to/from exDP

If there is abuse of any kind u need to report it police, ss or whatever, if not then you have no real grounds to take his son away and a court will consider this, seek advice buforw u act rash and don't give him any reason to suspect you are considering this else he will stop u before u have made a decision

As others have said, he would need to apply to court, then the outcome depends on you demonstrating how you are going to facilitate reasonable contact. Its worth remembering that a child arrangement order these days can use a starting point of 50/50 contact. Only you know whether he would go as far as taking you to court.
Just as an example, I had every reason to detest my ex, he broke both my legs. The judge deemed that the violence was only to me and he received a contact order for every other weekend and a weeks holiday, ds was 2 at the time. Had I decided to move away (again, I had every reason to decide to do so) the judge made it clear that he would make an order that I'd be responsible for facilitating contact . Are you prepared to do a 6 hour round trip?
It can feel like the perfect answer but really isn't when you consider what has to be facilitated.

With respect, people only have the information you give them to work on, and if you choose to give no information, what do you want them to do?

People aren't going to say "No, he can never stop you from moving!" just because it's what you want to hear.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but it isn't the fault of anyone who's posting here.

@vdolly as OPs have said, he can go to court.
Obviously your child is very young but a lot will depend on your parenting arrangements.
I know of a case where ex partners had 50/50 of their son who was about 5.
The mum sold her property, got a new job and home and new school for the son and literally told the father once it was all done and moved hours away.
He went to court, judge found in the father's favour and she had to move back into a rental and start again.

Assuming you are in England and Wales its significantly more difficult to cross the border to Scotland or VV as its a different jurisdiction

It’s called a prohibited steps order. I’ve linked a solicitor’s website that explains it.

Short version : He can stop the child moving and if you move the child without telling him, he can get a court order to force the child to be returned.

Since I assume you don’t want to leave your baby, this would effectively force you to stay near him too.

How likely he is to apply for the order, I don’t know. Some fathers would do it for love of their child, some would do it to get at their ex, others wouldn’t bother. You’ve not told us enough about your baby’s father for us to know which category he falls in but I assume you think there’s a chance he’d object or you wouldn’t be posting.

www.elitelawsolicitors.co.uk/prohibited-steps-order/

Then maybe you should ask a solicitor or a judge rather than random posters

The op hasn’t said the move was planned for when he’s 3 years old. She said three and a half hours away but still in England.

We don’t know anything other than ‘he prefers the pub’. He may be a raging alcoholic who spends 7 nights at the pub and comes home plastered and aggressive for all we know. The OP has kept things brief but one would assume it’s not great if she wants to leave

Technically he can’t stop you but he can legally stop your son from moving. He’d have the very strong argument that distance would hinder contact.

It’s not 100% impossible for you to move with your child but it could be a costly and lengthy battle if your ex takes legal action. Plus you could end up being the one who has to travel to him every contact day.

The mediators will also report back to the court
Just a small clarification: a mediator will never report to the court. Mediation is completely confidential. The only exception in the case of child arrangement is safeguarding and in that case, it's social services that would be contacted not the court. Also, the court can't force parents to attend mediation. They can be told they have to attend an information meeting, but mediation can't happened without the agreement of both parties. It has to be voluntary.

Yes, he could apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to prohibit his child being moved away.

FYI...you keep going on about 'the Judge', whereas you'd most likely be in front of Magistrates.

Thank you - I’ve managed to sort the accounts.
Have you found that working has affected their education at all? Or their friendships?

As the OP of your quote I think it's important to clarify that a mediator would advise of attendance etc. You are correct that the details of such meetings wouldn't be shared with the court but my original post was referring more to the fact that if one or both parties failed to attend or have a "can't be bothered" attitude this information likely would be shared with the court, either from the mediators or the solicitors and in the latter case the court would always likely request this confirmation from the mediators who would normally oblige.

Specifically, a court cannot force anyone in family law to do anything outwith the letter of the law, however they may, and often would, impose severe restrictions on parties that didn't agree to a specific course of action from the court. In the case of refusing mediation, it would severely weaken the case of the person refusing.

It totally depends on the circumstances. The court can't stop you from moving but can decide that the child stays with Dad. Do you have family support where you are moving to? You mention him choosing the pub over family. The court may feel differently about a mother moving a child from a father that takes 50% responsibility and can evidence how he will be the resident parent to an alcoholic that isn't actively parenting and a Mum moving as she needs support from family.

If you really want to move though, my advice would be to do it now. If he is a man that chooses the pub over his family he is less likely to bother going to court than a Dad that prioritises his child.

You are very combative. If this does go down the court route you are going to need to change your attitude.

1. He can’t stop you
2. He can stop his child being moved 3.5 hours away
3. If you do move, you will most likely be responsible for all travel.

are you prepared to to the drive at least EOW and holidays? Is that really in the best interests of the child ?

Yes he can ,even if you have moved the courts can order you to move back