I lied to police

[Rozfirk]

Over a year ago now my ex split up with me and it made me so angry that I told the police he beat me and strangled me. Before anyone says anything I KNOW it wasn't the right thing to do and I shouldn't have lied to them. He was charged and on tag for nearly a year before he pleaded guilty and said he just wanted it over with. He tried to kill himself because of all of it and now I just feel so bad about it and IDK what to do I obviously can't tell the police but how do I make it right without being arrested? I feel so awful about it now I just want to make it right.

I hope you’re ok. You understand your behavior had consequences on this man. Imagine if he would’ve killed himself because of your actions? You would’ve needed to live with it for the rest of your life. You need to make it right, for yourself and him. He’s been tortured enough. You’ll need to admit to the police this was a lie for whatever reasons you did it. There is no other right way to go about it. Take care.

I think you wanted to get it off your chest by posting here but I don’t think you really want to do anything to make it right that will involve taking real responsibility. You’ve had a year to come clean but you say you obviously can’t do that. So what are you expecting we suggest, maybe a carefully worded text or a note in the local paper? You have ruined his life because you felt angry and rejected. The only options are to tell the police the truth and accept the consequences, or let the guilt haunt you for the rest of your life

You have committed perjury and perverted the course of justice which are serious offences. Your behaviour was beyond the pale and has destroyed his life. You don't want to go to the police becaise you dont want to suffer the consequences but imagine how the poor man feels. You should go to the police and admit what you have done as otherwise he has to live with the devastating consequences for the rest of his life. The impact on him cannot be underestimated as this will affect his work, relationships and parenting in the future. Your behaviour was atrocious and you know you.have to put it right, even though you will get into trouble.

I suggest you watch The Machinist, a film with Christian Bale.

That's a bit random? Did I miss something in that movie? I thought he was guilty

?

You said he plead guilty, does that mean he told the police he did it or he attended a hearing and plead at the court?
I've been an actual victim of a similar crime so I can say there would have been so many chances that you could make things right. But you didn't.
The police would keep you updated every 28 days during the investigation and you didn't do anything. They would inform you and check on you every time the bail got renewed or changed and you didn't do anything. It's very likely you had an idva or got referred to another service. You should have been asked if it goes to court will you be able to testify, and what special measurements you want to apply, at least twice. They would also let you know the case is ready for CPS and get your personal impact statement. I don't know how you managed all this with a guilty heart. Maybe you don't feel as bad as you think.
If there isn't a reverse, then you're an awful person.

So is OP. She has the opportunity to make things right by confessing her crime.
Her guilt is eating her up already and it will get worse as time goes on.
There is only way to find solace and that is by going public and clear the name of this man.

The only thing you can do is to confess to the police, and admit to any family and friends who fell for your lies what you did

If you were truly sorry and remorseful, you would admit what you have done.

Saying you feel guilty means nothing without actions.

obviously can't tell the police

Why not?

The only way to begin to make it right is to admit what you did and have this miscarriage of justice corrected so he no longer has a criminal record. I don’t see how you can do that if you aren’t prepared to take the consequences of your actions.

There isn’t anything else that’s appropriate to suggest. To put it crudely, if you aren’t prepared to do that this thread is basically just you masturbating - wanting to make yourself and only yourself feel good with no real world impact.

The only way you can make this right is to tell the police. If you don't, your ex will continue to have a conviction on his record for something he didn't do, and any new partner who chooses to check using Clare's Law will be told that he has a history of domestic violence. There is no way you can make this right and avoid any possibility of being arrested. You need to face up to the consequences of your actions.

I don't know whether the police will arrest you if you tell them that you made up the claims of violence and strangulation, but you must still confess about what you did. You have ruined you ex-partner's life because he broke up with you. He will have a criminal record for the rest of his life. He tried to take his own life. You are the one who has committed a criminal offence, not him. Own up to what you have done. I don't know how you sleep at night.

Frankly I think you must be completely unhinged to do such a vile thing. Of course you have to tell the police, then you need a lot of help dealing with your very obvious mental health issues.

What sort of human actually does this ? He obviously spilt up with you for good reason.
Poor bloke !!

how awful, how would you like to be treated like that! Report it now before someone else does.

@mumsnet do the right thing and report them to the police

But in this case, based on the initial post and assuming this refers to a case in England and Wales the Police & CPS have a statement and an admission in interview, the evidential test appears likely to be met and it is almost always in the public interest to prosecute domestic abuse cases.

The “evidence” is a statement from the victim and an admission under caution. In a lot of domestic violence cases this is all there ever is, if there wasn’t convictions based on this then many perpetrators would never reach court (and of course only a fraction of cases ever do).

I know someone who did this and it caused the man in question to have a nervous breakdown, loose his younger children and his job. Please do the right thing. He needs this wiping off his record.

But OP says he didn't admit it until a year after he was charged. I'm wondering why they would go ahead with it based only on OP's word, with no medical or forensic evidence at all.