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Original poster

Brother buying a house with elderly mother - what will happen to inheritance?

47 replies

LegoBricksOuch · 03/04/2025 09:53

Me and my sister just found out that my mother has sold her house, and will be buying with my brother and his wife (plus their small children) one big house. He has been working on her doing this ever since he found out how much her home was worth a couple of years ago. She was reluctant when she mentioned it last time to me.

My mother will be contributing 80% of the funds to the new home.

The concern me and my sister have is, my mother is vulnerable in terms of being registered disabled, with a condition that affects her memory and mobility.

Also, my brother is very materialistic, and only tends to show up/get in touch when he is after money. I don’t feel he is doing this for her in any way.

He sadly wouldn’t think twice in doing me and my sister out of any inheritance my mum would leave us too.

What would happen if my brother and his wife split? Would my mum be turfed out into the streets and lose her money? Has my mum effectively just given our brother the full inheritance? Made herself vulnerable?

The move would take them a considerable distance from me and my sister, effectively we couldn’t ensure she was being looked after either.

We are in Scotland

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 04/04/2025 07:19

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 03/04/2025 20:52

@LegoBricksOuch , your inheritance? You are in Scotland and I’m not sure of the law there it may protect you.
You could have offered to take the responsibility of looking after your mum as she ages but you didn’t. You sound so grabby and untitled. 🤢

This. It's a good thing she will be living with family.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/04/2025 07:39

@LegoBricksOuch there is always one sneaky sibling!! me, me, me is obviously your brothers motto! you need to see a solicitor now. she is being coerced if she does not want to do this!

springtimemagic · 04/04/2025 08:15

Another2Cats · 03/04/2025 21:55

@springtimemagic "These posts kill me. ... I do this all day long - it’s complicated and you need advice specific to your particular circumstances."
.

@OhYeahOhYeah "MN is not the place for these questions."
.

With respect, I totally disagree that MN is not the place for these questions.

Yes, this is something that is very complicated indeed and the OP's mum definitely needs specific advice for her particular situation. I don't think that anybody would suggest otherwise.

Asking these sorts of questions in a place like MN will, at the very least, give a person some idea of the sort of issues that may exist. They can then follow that up by getting professional advice.

But if you aren't even aware of what the issues might be, what do you do then? This is where MN comes in.

People who have expertise or experience in one subject can often over estimate how much knowledge that people not involved in that area have of the details of that particular subject (just read how often the same issues keep on cropping up).

Just because you may be aware of the issues does not mean that most people are.

It brings to my mind the phrase "unknown unknowns" from a speech in 2002, just after 9/11**.

"...there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns—the ones we don't know we don't know."

This can be applied on an individual level as well. For example:

known knowns I know how to change the tyre on my car.

known unknowns I know that I put petrol in my car but just exactly how that is transformed into power when I put my foot on the accelerator I have no idea; it's been a very long time since I studied chemistry and I've never studied engineering.

unknown unknowns—the ones we don't know we don't know I used to have a VW Golf GT TDI about 15 years ago. I loved it, it was very nippy and cheap to run.

Yes, I used to own a VW diesel. These were the people who came up with a way of cheating on MOT tests. Could I have had any conception at all that there was a chip in my car that was specifically designed to cheat on an MOT test?

That was a real "unknown unknown" - at least for me; but there were likely many other people more closely connected who knew all about this a long time before I ever heard of it.

But the same sort of thing goes for the OP (and many others like her). Things that other people may be very well aware of are totally unknown to her.

Whatever you may think of some of the replies (and in some cases on some other threads, I agree, the replies can be way off) at the very least the OP is being made aware of any "unknown unknowns" that she may have.
.
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** The "unknown unknowns" quote is from a speech made by Donald Rumsfeld (the US Secretary of Defense under President George W Bush) on 12 Feb 2002.

Edited
Show quote history

Disagree. What happens is (and I see it on a weekly basis) people think that advice on MN and FB groups is proper advice and they go and take action on this basis. I ask people why they did something and I literally hear from them “because someone told me it was a good idea on social media”. It’s a real problem with very real consequences

Caramelcap · 04/04/2025 08:17

Have you thought about seeking out a capacity assessment around finances, to see whether she has the full understanding in order to make an informed decision around this? It very much sounds like he’s taking advantage of her confusion.

NatureOverNightclubs · 04/04/2025 08:38

The whole situation is awful OP but the dog issue has made me want to cry. Your brother is a twenty four carat first class CUNT and I'd be moving heaven and earth to stop any of this from happening. Fuck his temper.

JayJayj · 04/04/2025 09:50

I would call non emergency police. It sounds like she has been coerced into this. I’m sure what he has done is illegal

rivalsbinge · 04/04/2025 09:56

JayJayj · 04/04/2025 09:50

I would call non emergency police. It sounds like she has been coerced into this. I’m sure what he has done is illegal

I second this he sounds just awful.

rivalsbinge · 04/04/2025 09:57

How did the solicitors let this sale go through???

Ellie56 · 04/04/2025 15:09

@LegoBricksOuch

In answer to your question, you and your sister will get fuck all inheritance as your brother will bleed your mother dry and eventually get her to sign over her part of the house to him.

But quite frankly, this is not the issue.

It sounds like your brother is coercing and manipulating your mother, a vulnerable person, who may or may not be of sound mind. You say he has a temper so she could also be afraid of him.

You need to start alerting the authorities to what's going on here and fast.
Start by ringing the GP, the police and Social Services about your mother's confused state and the way your brother is treating her, and contact solicitors to get legal advice about the house sale, as if it's proved the owner was coerced into selling it may not be a legally valid transaction.

Do it today before your poor mother loses everything.

SquishyGloopyBum · 04/04/2025 15:48

This is awful. Do you have any POA? You need to talk to your mum urgently.

The poor dog is unlikely to be rehomed if elderly too.

SirChenjins · 04/04/2025 16:00

Is she supported in any way by the Local Authority? I would start by calling Adult Social Services in your council and talk to someone there.

There's also the Action on Elder Abuse Scotland helpline, so definitely worth calling them. Financial abuse takes many different forms.

You could also call Age Scotland and Hourglass Scotland for their advice.

Finally, do you or your mum have a solicitor? If so, speak to them. Do you have PoA? Might also be worth speaking to her bank to get their advice and explain what's going on.

You need proper advice on this OP, not the predictable 'it's her money' posts that are not appropriate in cases like your mum's.

Lolapusht · 04/04/2025 20:12

Some quick thoughts:

  1. When was the house sold? Which auction house/site What are their ts&cs? Did your mum sign documents for the sale? Is it sold sold? You usually have a few weeks between going under offer and concluded missives, but auctions are different. You may have 10 days or something to conclude in high case there still may be time to stop the sale.

  2. If the house has sold, where is she going to live if they haven’t found somewhere?

  3. How much has the house sold for? They can go for less than market value at auction.

  4. Why did she choose to sell at auction? I can guarantee it’s because that what your brother told her to do. Why not sell via solicitors like normal people do?

  5. How long has she lived in your town? What is her connection to it? What is her connection with where your brother lives? That in itself should ring alarm bells with SW/GPs etc.

  6. How often does your brother visit your mum ie how close is their connection? An elderly, vulnerable lady ,owing to the other side of the country to be 9th a son she barely sees and moving away from somewhere she’s been for years here she sees her daughters daily should raise all sorts of 🚩

  7. Definitely get a solicitor involved and one who is used to dealing with elderly clients (find a good Private Client solicitor). She should be able to fully explain her reasoning behind her move and also show that she understands the sales process. If all of her answers are “Well, Billy said to sign some paperwork so I did…” or “Well, Billy said it would be better if we all bought a house together…” or “Billy & Mary don’t have enough money so they said it would be best to use the money from my sale. He took care of everything for me. Always looking out for me…”

  8. Has your mum done a POA? You can check with the Office of the Public Guardian OPG to find out if there is one registered. It’s entirely acceptable for an attorney to manage a house sale if they have the power to do so but everything needs to be done properly ie grantor needs to have capacity when they granted the POA, att needs to be acting in the best interest of the grantor etc. You can check what’s been done. If there is no POA I would recommend getting one asafp.

Office of the Public Guardian (Scotland)

https://www.publicguardian-scotland.gov.uk

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 04/04/2025 20:15

Ihavenonname · 03/04/2025 18:11

I’d be seeking legal advise. And maybe seeing if someone can be her power of attorney that’s not your brother.
Call the gp, and also adult social care if your worried she is vulnerable & being taken advantage off.

Agree. Go to a good lawyer…

Another2Cats · 04/04/2025 20:59

springtimemagic · 04/04/2025 08:15

Disagree. What happens is (and I see it on a weekly basis) people think that advice on MN and FB groups is proper advice and they go and take action on this basis. I ask people why they did something and I literally hear from them “because someone told me it was a good idea on social media”. It’s a real problem with very real consequences

Show quote history

That's interesting, thank you for replying.

"It’s a real problem with very real consequences"

I'm sure that it can be. I couldn't imagine just reading something on MN and then blindly following it without doing any due diligence myself. But, everyone is different, and perhaps there should be more explicit warnings on MN than the current warning?

FckTheSchGateHuns · 05/04/2025 08:31

"He only turns up when he wants somthing" - but he's willing to move her in with him.

"vulnerable and registered dusabled" - so, in need of ongoing care likely increasing with age.

How is care currently split between siblings?

soupyspoon · 05/04/2025 08:40

I dont know why people are having a go at the OP, she has clearly only just found this out and its a big shock, so the first thing I would do is ask friends and family if anyone knows about things before trying to work out what professional I need to speak to, this sort of thing is overwhelming

If you dont have friends and family that could give advice the best thing is to ask on a forum like this, in between the nonsense, there are some good ideas here

OP needs professional advice but in the meantime needs to work out what avenue to go down.

OP - one of the things that strikes me is that your mum will have money from the house sale sitting there, is there anyway she can be persuaded to buy a small flat, ground floor, near you and your sister, quickly? Can she be persuaded out of the idea of buying a house with the brother?

Phoenixfire1988 · 05/04/2025 13:02

Get legal advice NOW she needs a capacity test ASAP aswell and either you or your sister go for POA in your brothers head they get the dream house without the financial burden and he is taking advantage she would own 80% yet he's already dictating to her that she can't bring the dog ......absofuckinglutely NOT this is going to be a shit show of epic proportions your brother and his wife are pure c^nts

Phoenixfire1988 · 05/04/2025 13:05

FckTheSchGateHuns · 05/04/2025 08:31

"He only turns up when he wants somthing" - but he's willing to move her in with him.

"vulnerable and registered dusabled" - so, in need of ongoing care likely increasing with age.

How is care currently split between siblings?

She would own 80% she is moving them in with her but on his terms .
The sisters look after her currently he has no input unless he's after something which in this case they want the house but can't afford it without conning her into paying the majority

Lolapusht · 06/04/2025 15:39

Phoenixfire1988 · 05/04/2025 13:05

She would own 80% she is moving them in with her but on his terms .
The sisters look after her currently he has no input unless he's after something which in this case they want the house but can't afford it without conning her into paying the majority

Show quote history

She could potentially own none of it on paper if he doesn’t put her on the title deeds which is a possibility…

holamuchgusto · 10/04/2025 20:59

You need to report him to the police asap for financial abuse of your mother, before it's too late.

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