Step daughter preventing me from seeing my dad

[Warrior13]

My dad has recently passed away and his step daughter is preventing me from seeing him one last time. I have been estranged from him, but that doesn’t mean I hated him, just his treatment towards me.

The funeral directors have advised me to seek legal assistance because they must respect her wishes, even though I have legal rights being his biological daughter.

I’m in the process of getting in touch with solicitors but family law sols and civil law sols do not get back to me, and are unsure who can help me.

I need legal advice in regards to which solicitors do I need to seek help from? Under which law does this fall under? Any advise and guidance will be appreciated because it’s tough during this time.

Thank you.

Because it sounds like his step daughter was still in contact and may well have been the one who cared for him when he was dying. She is the one who has arranged the funeral and is presumably taking care of all the arrangements.

If you’d read the full thread @Hedgerow2 you’d see the basis has been fully explained 🙄

She is not a biological relative so she has no legal right over him or his body. Tell the funeral director this and be clear if you do not see him you are seeking legal action against them and your step sister. Tell them you’ll report to the local news and it’ll be bad for their business. I would be so angry at this.

That's a natural, instinctive reaction but have you rtft?
2 knowledgeable posters have explained exactly why she can do that if she's the funeral director's client.

You can't really expect people who weren't estranged from him, who presumably didn't agree that he had treated you badly, and who are now grieving, to be thrilled that you've turned up asking to go and look at his body having refused to see him in life. I understand that you want closure of some kind, but in their shoes I would hate the idea of someone who had completely cut him off sitting by his body.

When I arranged a funeral there was a seperate charge for viewing the deceased. They laid them out in the coffin in a nice room at an appointed time. They’ll be kept in cold storage until the funeral otherwise.

The step-sister was either named in the will as executor or was the closest relative who stepped forward to make arrangements upon his death. She does have the right to make these decisions unless OP petitions the court to appoint her as the responsible party - the funeral home would have no involvement in that process.

OP has no legal claim against the funeral home for refusing her access and the funeral home will know that. They also know that their current legal and professional obligation is to execute the instructions of their client - OP’s step-sister - unless a court orders otherwise. If they let OP in against the client’s wishes it would be the step-sister who could take action against them.

OP can consult a solicitor who practices probate law about petitioning the court but if they’re remotely ethical they’ll tell her the first thing to do is reach out to her step-sister and ask her to permit a viewing.

I have cut my father off (well more we have cut each other off), I haven't seen him for 13 years, he does not know his grandchildren. I have personal reasons for this, but to be fair he has not made the effort towards me also.

He has 3 other children, my half brothers and sister, I keep in touch through social media but we don't really bother with each other. I was a lot older when they were born, we didn't live close so I really have not had a relationship with them. They have each other and don't need an additional older sister in the mix (they have an older brother and sister they grew up with so are really close with them).

I will, however, want to go and pay my last respects when the man dies. He and my mum split when I was 3, we moved across country, I would see him every other weekend with my grandparents, we kind of lost touch when I was around 13/14, saw each other very rarely for a few years, he didn't give me away at my wedding. my step dad who raised me did. Kept in touch a bit until I was around 34 and then we both kind of gave up on each other. There are other things too but thats another post. Violent alcoholic.

I see where you are coming from. I don't understand how the stepdaughter has the right to keep you away from him unless it was his last wishes. Was she close to him? Had he raised her?

Is his wife still alive? Or is there money/property involved? Could she have an ulterior motive? How did she get his death cert if you are next of kin or did she have power of attorney? Who is looking after his financial affairs?

Thank you for everyone’s responses.

I will look into finding a probate solicitor, even though I’ve been getting in touch with solicitors that deal with funeral disputes? Guessing they are not the right solicitors? I am lost in this field.

in regards to all the personal questions, I am guessing curiosity. My father expressed his wishes to see me and my siblings whilst he was alive.
if he never expressed to see us, I would never go. I don’t really want to go into details as I just need advice from a legal POV.

in regards to a will or executor, there isn’t one, lm guessing as she was living with him, she’s making the arrangements and believed she’s in charge, I don’t know.

I have managed to make an appointment to see him, but I’m afraid if she cancels last minute then I need to have a solicitor in place, who I can instruct because like someone said I would need to move fast.

Agreed and in addition, how would the deceased have felt about it? Would they want their estranged child to visit?

Funeral disputes falls within probate law in the UK (specifically it falls within the specialty of contentious probate law). Not all probate solicitors will deal with funeral disputes but their websites will often tell you if they do.

I hope you don’t need to go down that route and are able to say goodbye ❤️

That's very sad. I hope you get to see him.

I lost my mum when she was quite young and she hadn't had a happy life for her final few years. It did irk me to see people crawling out of the woodwork when they hadn't bothered with her when she was alive.

That said, I wouldn't have stopped a blood relative from seeing her if they wanted to and I also imagine you had good reason to not want to see your dad when he was alive

My Sister in law specified to the Funeral directors that if two particular people tried to access the body of my FiL, they were to be turned away. Didn’t stop them standing outside the crem, the ghouls. Thankfully it was during covid and we were limited to a dozen mourners.

Drives me mad when posters rock up to a thread spouting off on things they know nothing about

As he died without a will, presumably OP will. However, more materially, she needs to know who has the right to dictate what happens with regard to the funeral etc.

You haven't read even OP's posts properly, have you?

I am sorry for your loss OP and I know this is Legal but do you really want to put yourself through this? The Funeral Home will have seen allsorts and I am sure they know what their legal position is
It seems that there really is no point in it at all and is just distressing for all concerned. Your Dad is gone and nothing is going to change that. Many people manage to "say goodbye" without every viewing a body, I can't imagine anything worse but I know we all grieve differently
In your shoes I would really just let it go and save the goodbyes for his funeral.
After my Mums I stood by her coffin in the chapel of rest, put my hand on it and said goodbye to her then.