How best to manage inheritance issue

[MissisBee]

My parents recently died, my sister and I inherit the estate (house and sum of money) equally split. My sister wants to stay in the house. The house is where we were both born and grew up.
Background to give context - sister has lived there with our parents most of her adult life. She contributed to household bills, but parents never really charged her rent, so as she could save for a deposit. I'm not sure how much she has saved. Last year, she and mum went on 3 holidays, they went out for dinner fairly frequently. It's a big house in a lovely area, worth around £400k. She has a dog, single, has no children.
I live with my husband and children. We have a house, and a mortgage with 10 years (£100k) left. House is probably worth £300k. Husband and I both work, our individual salaries are a bit more than my sister's, we have childcare bills. We never go out for dinner, 1 holiday a year.
The money from our parents works out at about £100k each.
More than happy for my sister to stay in the house, it's been her home most of her life but I don't want to keep my half, I don't see what advantage there is for me to do that. She says she can't afford to buy me out and pay the bills. She said "I don't want you to bankrupt me and I don't want to sell the house". I'm not putting her under any pressure, we've discussed options - she gets a mortgage to buy me out; she pays rent but I retain my share; she buys me out herself in installments; all of which seems feasible for her, but she may have to modify her lifestyle a bit. My husband feels the second two options aren't reasonable. But, the way I see it, if she can't afford to live there, we have no option but to sell. Am I wrong? Is there a way to manage this I've missed? I don't want to fall out with her over this, she's making me feel like I'm grabby. Am I being grabby?

Crossed. I suggest you ask the solicitor to be executor too or instead because its obvious you won't be in agreement with each other and he will have no skin in the game so will have to execute in accordance with the law and not in accordance with emotional blackmail.

A sensible suggestion. The initial plan about executors was made before the difficulties became apparent here

She thinks that because I already own a house, and there's two of us paying the mortgage, that she's entitled to this one and its unfair that she should get a mortgage on her own.

Her expectations are entitled and a bit ridiculous tbh, what mortgage you pay is actually irrelevant here.

Hopefully sitting down with a solicitor to talk it through will take the emotional aspect out of the situation a little, you can’t be expected to fund her lifestyle forever and her taking out a mortgage is perfectly reasonable.
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Please don't give way to her on this. A previous poster mentioned the possibility of allowing her to live there on condition that when she dies the house reverts to you. Don't even consider accepting that. Wills can be changed and there is no knowing how long either of you will live (sorry to state this so bluntly, but one of the difficulties people have with wills and inheritance is that you are forced to face things none of us want to think about, but which we need to to make sensible decisions). Your sister has had the luxury of never having to pay her own way in life until now. I hope your solicitor can find a diplomatic way of making her realise that she now has to accept one of your extremely reasonable proposals. She is incredibly lucky compared with most people. I wonder if she realises this.

This happened with myself and my Brother. We had a conversation with my Dad before he died and he wanted his house to be sold when he died so money could be split between myself and my 2 brothers. Only the one brother who lived at home with my Dad. Brother agreed to pay us a third each. Unfortunately it would have taken all his savings, so I agreed to him paying me over 5 years and paying my other brother in full. We saw a Solicitor who said I should charge him interest, which I didn’t, but she also applied to have the house put in both our names in the Land Registry so if anything happened, I would be covered. Fast forward 10 years, Brother is virtually living off state pension, no spare money and still owes me. I’ve now inherited from in laws so I really don’t need the money, but Brother is happy for me to stay on the Deeds. Looking back we should have agreed to sell the house, so my advice is to see a Solicitor who will go through everything, your Sister needs to know what her options are.

You aren't the grabby one here OP.

She is. And I have a suspicion she could afford a mortgage and still be better off than you (sounds like you have to be careful and so would she).

Just remember - if your parents wanted her to remain mortgage free in the house they would have left it to her in its entirety. By insisting on your share you're ensuring your parents' wishes are followed.

It must be incredibly difficult to lose both parents so close together.

This is such a good point, if she suggests this is somehow unfair again I would remind her that you’re following your parents wishes by splitting everything equally and anything other than that would not be respectful of what they’d asked to be done.

You're not being grabby or unreasonable. If she can't buy you out she needs to sell the house. That's still leave her approx £300k which should be more than enough to buy her a flat/hpuse.

She can't expect not to buy you out but still live there - she's either deluded or a cheeky fucker

How recently did your parents die? Could she just be caught up in grief and not thinking straight?

I would be preparing yourself to accept that you are going to fall out with your sister. She wants you to just give her £200k. That's £200k now, but it will increase in value as she continues to live there.

I agree with OP's plan. Either she sells the house or buys you out in full. Do not even consider her paying rent. I can guarantee it will be a never ending saga to get it from her and you're likely to end up in a similar situation to Mindymomo.

Get a solicitor and sort it out from there.

She doesn’t want anything to change - which is an understandable want in the circumstances. She’s recently bereaved and has had years of living in her childhood home rent free. That doesn’t make her wants reasonable or mean it’s fine for her to continue to live at your expense. You have to get your half - either by her buying you out or by you selling the whole and splitting it. Don’t mess about with quarters, years of payments, rents etc.
In your circumstances I would be pushing for a buy out - it will be much less hassle and she could easily scupper a sale by a third party and end up living there for decades while it stays on the market. She should be able to get a £100k mortgage on a £400k house from someone, even if her income is a bit crap or she’s old. I would go for a low ish valuation- to get things moving - but under the caveat that if she doesn’t complete in X months then you will reassess the valuation in line with the market rise, and will charge market rent for your half or will force a sale in the open market (during which time she’ll have to pay rent). If she doesn’t want to do that then force a sale - I wouldn’t be keen on her doing viewings though. Houses where the owner is a reluctant seller just don’t sell.

You are entitled to your half and I personally wouldn't consider the whole rent your half to sister option. You need a clean break. It doesn't matter what your finances are like you are entitled to your share.

Totally fair to expect her to buy you out. Or, encourage her to look for a smaller property she can buy outright with her 300k if you can persuade her to sell.

I assume if no agreement is reached then you can force the sale?

If your DH is executor of your mum's will then I would have applied for him to also be sole executor of your dad's will. It will complicate matters if you and your sister are joint executors and she will delay everything. Better to have one person who is slightly detached as executor.

I was executor of both of my in law's wills. They had three children including my DH and it would have been a bunfight if they had done it.

Good practical advice from @Zwicky and @TotalDramarama24

If you got the £200K in cash, she'd only need a mortgage for £100K to give you the rest of her share. She's the one being enttitled wanting you to give up your share for her, you just want what your Mum wanted you to have. If your Mum felt their was some reason for your sister to get more she could have put that in her will, she wanted you to have half.

I wouldn't do any of those sharing ownership, part payment options, not when she's acting like this. I expect you'd end up chasing every payment and being guilted about it. Those options only work when both parties are truly happy to agree to them and can afford them without it impacting the life they feel they deserve.

@MissisBee 400 house 200 cash divided by 2 is 300 so you should get 300/ if she gives you her 100k cash and gets a mortgage for 100 and gives you that then she can keep the house. you would both be getting 300 each. otherwise, if she wont do this then house has to be sold to make it fair. why should you inherit less than her??

I work in probate and see this quite a lot (although interestingly - to me anyway - it's usually sons left at home).

My boss is brilliant at dealing with families "at war" and would probably approach this with pragmatism by "innocently" asking when you [both] were looking to market the property or when will your sister be applying for a mortgage to pay your share etc.

Use your solicitor to make it clear to your sister that staying and paying you nothing is not an option. Which it isn't.

I'm sorry for your losses.

Tread carefully OP. Losing both your parents is a pivotal point in life and emotions will be running high.

It is probably best for your Dsis to get her own place now and not live under the weight of memories and loss for ever more. At some point the house needs to be cleared.

Everyone saying that rationally she can't withhold your inheritance is right, but grief is irrational. I hope you can be kind but firm with her. Third party mediator type is a good idea.