Ex threatening solicitor over my house

[singlemum93]

Long story short.. I bought a house just over 3 years ago. Met my ex.. had a child we lived in it together my child is now 2. I paid for the house and everything in it and the mortgage. While he lived here he first paid the bills, then I went back to work part time it was a struggle he paid me weekly £120. All bills in my name etc and mortgage. The relationship was horrendous.. battled it out for too long we eventually broke up and he moved out last April. I got a credit card as he gave me no money for 6 weeks and I had to apply for universal credit etc. since then he gives me £35 a week even though he earns around £40k a year and I earn £17k. We've got on relatively well since break up but he is very unpredictable and unreliable. I asked for more money this month as I was struggling he refused and told me to apply for CSA. I did and now he has gone insane giving me abuse and basically saying my child won't have a father now and all im interested in is money etc (not the case). Giving me so much abuse and acting like I've done the worst thing in the world checking what CSA im entitled to. I haven't asked them to collect the payments or anything and haven't even got an amount yet I will receive. But his behaviour is awful and now he is saying he will go to a solicitor and say he has been paying for my house the last 3 years etc etc. where do I stand with this please?

More difficult is not the same as impossible and when the facts say the person making a claim earned more than double than the person subject to a claim, and that person is on a very low income indeed, then prudence says that a solicitor should make absolutely sure there is no claim.

Whilst I do agree that action can wait pending an actual claim, if one is made then I strongly doubt that a 20 minute consultation will answer the OP's question. To have a decent answer to the likelihood of success, at the very least the solicitor should analyse 3 years of bank statements from both the OP and the claimant.

I think it's very unlikely he can claim on your house. However, I think it's even MORE unlikely that he'll actually follow through. The treat of a solicitor is often used by men in these situations in a desperate attempt to get you to do what they want you to do.

I would ignore him. If and when he gets a solicitor and sends you some sort of communication, you may then need to consider getting your own solicitor to ask for some advice.

But at this point, there is no value in doing anything, or panicking.

PS I'm sorry he's such a loser.

I find it astonishing that when women have been SAHPs, earning nothing, married for years and years, and yet in the divorce inevitably they come off second best.... and yet, there's a belief that this man, who lived with her for 3 years or less, could actually claim on her house and has a claim, even though he's been paying almost nothing towards his child since he moved out??!

If you are really nervous, get a solicitor for advice. But I'd echo PP - there's no need to do anything anyway until he actually instructs a solicitor and starts making a claim. Which is very likely not going to happen.

In my experience, SAHPs don't come off second best in divorce. They normally get more than half of the assets, remain the resident parent and receive child maintenance (although a minority of NRPs try and avoid paying; people tend not to hear about the vast majority of cases where people behave themselves). Where SAHPs sometimes do badly is when they do not take reasonable steps to achieve financial independence but the transitional support - if any - comes to an end anyway.

For example, my ex-wife is allowed to stay in the FMH for four years without releasing me from the mortgage and will get all the equity on sale. Not bad considering she also got 40% of the pensions and 65% of all the assets. However, she has so far taken none of the steps the court would expect her to in order to increase her earnings, such as working full time or entering the industry she has just spent 4 years qualifying into. Now, the split of assets does mean that my ex-wife doesn't have to take these steps if she doesn't want to if she feels she has enough to live on but it will also mean that at some point in the future I will probably end up better off than her, maybe considerably so. However, that's a result of a choice she's free to make (and also understands and is happy with; I don't mean to sound like I am criticising her).

As for the OP's case, if you turned the tables I suspect people would draw different conclusions. If the OP had cohabited in a home owned by her ex-partner, I suspect the same people saying "no chance" here would be saying "TOLATA" there. The law carries no such bias and whilst I suspect the claim might be so small as to not be worth pursuing (3 years is not very long) I don't have all the figures and wouldn't put this issue in the "ignore and it will go away" bucket.

Thanks for the advice everyone, as some have said it is more an empty threat to get me to do what he wants I assume and until I hear otherwise I will just carry on as normal thank you.

@FSTraining it sounds like your ex has done ok, true. I have a male friend who didn't even have children and whose ex wife definitely came out okay. You and my friend are clearly perfectly normal, nice men who don't threaten their exes (as OPs does).

But I can point you to half a dozen women at DC's school alone who have NOT done okay out of a divorce and who have struggled financially. And those are just the ones I know, I'm sure there are more. The ones whose ex's have resisted paying CMS at even the minimum amount. The ones who had to move out of the marital home (particularly true if the home was rented, which is admittedly a more complex situation). The ones who didn't work for years and will most likely never catch up and who now, can't work full time because they have the childcare to manage.

I'm not disputing your situation at all - I'm just pointing out that it's not unusual for women to get screwed and that in this situation, were the ex was not on the mortgage, barely contributed and was only living in the house for a very short time, and has also proven to be unreliable and untrustworthy in terms of child arrangements - it seems unlikely that OP has much to worry about.

His solicitor can see his bank statements. He has no right to see hers. He has to prove he has a case, its not for her to prove he doesn't.

OP ignore it all. He has no basis for a claim. Go to CSA.

If he can prove there was a common intention to share the house and that he acted to his detriment on this understanding then a constructive trust may have arisen. This might not be for very much of the equity, but it is not necessarily zero either.

i think the common intention is regarding when the house was purchases - you intended to buy the house together and own it together but for some reason, only one of you is on the legals - ie in the past it was men saying to their partners "oh you can't be on the deeds as not on the mortgage" or someone saying you can't be on it due to bad debts but we will put you on as soon as the debt is cleared.

Its an intention at the point of purchase, not later on, that is important as far as i recall.

(though if it was shown that later on, he moved in and gave you say £20k lump sum to buy in and you then failed to do the legal adding him to deeds, that may also count)

so overall - i'd just wait for a solicitors letter then pay your own one to check the facts and write back to summarise it - if its fairly simple you could write back yourself (especially if just disputing facts - ie he says you bought when together and you can easily show you bought before meeting him) and save the money but probably most sensible to get it done by a solicitor.

No, it's not just when the house was purchased. This is why it can become a problem in Mesher Orders for example, where new cohabitees could turn up on the scene and start paying the mortgage (a well written order will thus normally prohibit cohabitation in such orders).

The house and CSA are two separate issues. Apply for child support because your child should be supported by both parents. If he makes a claim on the house then cross that bridge when you get to it. If you're worried take legal advice.

The CSA is to cover everything that your child needs. Every time you turn a light on for your JOINT child it costs money, every time you run a bath for your JOINT child it costs money, Every time your child is hungry it costs money, Every time your child grows it costs money. Some men are so stupid.

I personally would block him and get the CSA to collect your payments. Sure it will cost you 1% of the amount, but it will cost him considerably more. Do not engage with him about anything other than if he wants to see his son, but the ball is in his court on that one, but don't be obstructive because if he decides to take you to court over access you won't be looked upon favourably.
He's just trying to control you and scare you. Don't let him. If he wants to get a solicitor to write you a letter, let him crack on, it won't be cheap. Unless that happens I wouldn't give it another thought, and you cross that bridge if you come to it. Once he realises he'll have to dig deep in his pockets to get his own way he'll probably retreat quite quickly.

Maybe, but arguably the system is a bit stupid too. Every time you put on a light, run a bath or feed a child it costs money but the amount that it costs doesn't necessarily change because your ex-partner had a payrise. Our current system lets people on benefits pay almost nothing towards the welfare of their children; similarly doesn't scrutinise the self employed who frequently underpay and on the other hand makes higher earners pay amounts that are often far in excess of what the children actually cost. I think a better system would have a minimum (people can get off their backsides and work harder if they cannot afford it), a maximum and for the self employed it should be taken from gross profit rather than income (with CMS having full power to investigate bank statements if necessary).

You're probably a bit generous to call me "nice." I think there is a fine line between "negotiation" and "threat." If my ex-wife had insisted on staying in the property for 15 years until youngest graduated or demanded spousal maintenance to support her lifestyle, I might have taken a tougher stance. But she was reasonable, so I was too (and that's how the majority of divorces happen). I must confess when the weaker financial party is demanding half their ex's salary or 80% of the assets, I'm not wholly unsympathetic when they decide to quit work or other such tactics, although they're not normally the best approach to take and they might find courts a bit fairer than they were expecting if they acted more honourably.

Those other women you mentioned, it's hard to comment on because I'm only hearing one side of the story. It might be that both they and their ex are struggling, because it's harder to fund two households (it's not that uncommon for example for the RP to expect the NRP to take all the hardship and to complain loudly to anyone who will listen if they don't). Also, depending on their age and qualifications, it might be that they could reasonably increase their earnings but haven't done so. For example, you might take that view of my ex-wife, but she's made a conscious choice between time and money and she's content with her decision.

I need some advice please
I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship for the last 5 years he finally left in July after only a year of being in our new home, and recently found out he’s with someone else, we share a 4 year old together, he’s moved back in to his house he owns, his name is only on the mortgage that I live in now as I was on maternity and from lockdown I had no earnings as I’m self employed he said it would be best if I stayed off it, I put £20 grand in doing the house up inside that was my contribution, since July I’ve been paying the mortgage myself and bringing up our son here, have I got a leg to stand on when it comes to the house or if he wants me out I’ll have to leave? Thank you

You should start your own thread rather than add to an existing thread. Some people will reply to the OP and not notice your post.

You need to see a solicitor. However, from the information posted it sounds like you may have a claim to some of the equity in the house. You may also be able to get an occupation order, which will allow you to stay in the house at least temporarily.

Cohabiting or married? English, Scots or Northern Irish jurisdiction?

Cohabiting and in wales

Okay, as @prh47bridge you are probably due some equity in the house due to the £20k you paid towards the property and other contributions possibly giving rise to a "constructive trust." Your share might be a percentage of the house rather than the amount you paid in. You will need to consult with a solicitor.

Thank you sorry I didn’t know how to start a new thread.

Thank you sorry don’t know how to do a new thread