Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Next of kin? Do I have any rights?

26 replies

Just5MinsMoreSleep · 23/05/2023 23:48

Hello, I'm next if kin for my neighbour, have been for years now, hes been my neighbour for 17 years now, I've cared for him as he's quite old and has poor mobility. I've done so much for him over the years he's become family, even joining us at Christmas, Easter etc.

He's always been very upfront that he has nothing to do with his family, his parents have both passed, no children and no brothers and sisters. Only family in 2 cousins. He has not spoken to them for a long time.

Unfortunately my neighbour is in ccu and tomorrow (being next of kin) I have to make the decision to switch the ventilation system off as he is brain dead from a huge bleed on the brain.

Ive contacted the cousin via the address book at my neighbours and he turned up at the hospital. Was very vocal on they don't talk and haven't for a very long time, they know nothing about him or his health.

When they was leaving they said I presume I get the house etc?? Which obviously I understand if a will is not found and says different, I've not come across any documents concerning wills, funerals, life insurance etc so I'm guessing there might not be one.

My question is can the family member just come in and take over? Can I register the death? Can I plan the funeral? I will be heartbroken if they come in and take that away from me when they don't know him at all and what he would want. I feel they're only showing interest as they will end up with a big inheritance.

They're not even coming back to the hospital tomorrow to say goodbye or even be with him just before he leaves this world.

Its bad enough someone is going to be going through all his house when they've not known him and don't know what was special to him.

I know I can tell them i will be involved however I can but wondered if I have any right to at least register the death and plan the funeral being next of kin and not a relative.

Thank you.

P.s not I'm not interested in the house or money, he was a dear friend and would like to send him off the way I knew he would want to not by a stranger who left them through covid alone only 20 mins away not caring....

OP posts:
RedRosette2023 · 24/05/2023 00:01

I’m afraid they can. Next of kin means very little in legal terms.

How is assets are distributed will depend entirely on his will or if he dies intestate his closets blood relatives. The same is true for who makes arrangements, although it’s not set in stone who organises the funeral, the only people who can use his money are those empowered to do so by way of being an executor or by applying for letters of administration (if he died intestate) the latter is usually blood relatives, the former is whoever he has elected to be executors in his will.

DiscoBeat · 24/05/2023 00:46

Unfortunately even though you've been a wonderful friend and helped so much it's time to step back and let the family deal with it all. But since they don't seem to care (so sad) maybe they would be happy for you to help organise the funeral?

AWhaleSwamBy · 24/05/2023 00:53

I'm sorry you are in this difficult position. As previous posters have said unless there is a will you won't inherit anything. I also wouldn't be too judgemental about why his family don't have any relationship with him. You can't know the reasons why. It may be they had very good reasons.

Do you have access to any of his money? If so, then I'd be extremely careful about recording everything that you do.

turtool · 24/05/2023 01:07

There must be documents to show you are the person they let turn off his machine. I have no idea on actual laws/rules but wouldn't think they would allow you to do that based on your word

Toddlerteaplease · 24/05/2023 01:11

@turtool yes, I'm surprised by this as well. In cases like this. I would think the medical staff would take into account the persons known wishes. But then make a best interests decision.

Toddlerteaplease · 24/05/2023 01:12

OP do you have LPA for health or finance? I am in a similar position with a friend. He drs have son, who has little contact. But I've refused to have either.

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 24/05/2023 01:14

I understood 'turning off life support' to be a medical decision not one to be made by a lay person, so OP you do not need to feel you are responsible for this.

Do ask the ward staff to direct you to whichever office deals with registering deaths, you can then get a steer on who is expected to register the death and so on.

Please don't take on any financial responsibility for the funeral, you might have no recourse to reimbursement from the family.

I am so sorry, you have been a good friend.

Original poster
Just5MinsMoreSleep · 24/05/2023 07:06

AWhaleSwamBy · 24/05/2023 00:53

I'm sorry you are in this difficult position. As previous posters have said unless there is a will you won't inherit anything. I also wouldn't be too judgemental about why his family don't have any relationship with him. You can't know the reasons why. It may be they had very good reasons.

Do you have access to any of his money? If so, then I'd be extremely careful about recording everything that you do.

I have access to his house, I have his coat which has his bank cards etc, I've only ever got money for him twice and that was during covid, I would never do anything without it being legal hence why I'm asking here, I'm not sure how it stands but I was guessing it's family that deal with it from now. Mind you they are 75 now and quite frail themselves. Only thing I've done since is wash his dishes and throw old food.

OP posts:
Original poster
Just5MinsMoreSleep · 24/05/2023 07:10

Toddlerteaplease · 24/05/2023 01:12

OP do you have LPA for health or finance? I am in a similar position with a friend. He drs have son, who has little contact. But I've refused to have either.

No nothing like that at all, I'm just a friend who helped him as he had no one and was very in need. What else are neighbours for? I would suggest getting one though asap as it's a long wait for one, we've been waiting over a year for my uncle's.

OP posts:
RedRosette2023 · 24/05/2023 07:10

His family can’t spend his money in his lifetime either without an LPA. The best you can do is let any debtors know the circumstances and push it back to the family to deal with.

Original poster
Just5MinsMoreSleep · 24/05/2023 07:20

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 24/05/2023 01:14

I understood 'turning off life support' to be a medical decision not one to be made by a lay person, so OP you do not need to feel you are responsible for this.

Do ask the ward staff to direct you to whichever office deals with registering deaths, you can then get a steer on who is expected to register the death and so on.

Please don't take on any financial responsibility for the funeral, you might have no recourse to reimbursement from the family.

I am so sorry, you have been a good friend.

I'm only going by what the doctor said to me, I've been with him since he got to hospital and they said the bleed was very bad that he probably won't wake up, he said as I'm the next of kin they would ask me to come in and have a conversation about deciding to end care. Said they would normally ask family to make decisions like this but as my friend had put me on his hospital records years ago as next of kin i would be the one they would speak with. I know there's nothing more that can be done and he's not responding but I'm only going with what the doctors have said to me. They can clearly see I'm the closest person to him and they can see from his records I've been with him before. The staff and doctors are amazing there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Just5MinsMoreSleep · 24/05/2023 07:26

RedRosette2023 · 24/05/2023 07:10

His family can’t spend his money in his lifetime either without an LPA. The best you can do is let any debtors know the circumstances and push it back to the family to deal with.

They can once they register his death and apply for probate. It will all go to the family member who applies for probate which I knew anyway. I just wondered if I could of registered the death. I'm going to call the family later as I'm certain he will pass today and I'll have a conversation with them about the next steps. If I have to step down as per their request then so be it but I'm happy to help anyway I can.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 24/05/2023 07:38

@Just5MinsMoreSleep I'm not going to get it. He's not my responsibility. And I've had enough to be quite honest. His refusal to help himself has ground me down. Plus my own
Parents would have an epi fit if I took that on.

HettySunshine · 24/05/2023 07:51

Toddlerteaplease · 24/05/2023 07:38

@Just5MinsMoreSleep I'm not going to get it. He's not my responsibility. And I've had enough to be quite honest. His refusal to help himself has ground me down. Plus my own
Parents would have an epi fit if I took that on.

Wrong thread?

changewhale · 24/05/2023 07:57

The family might not even mind if you register it. You get a sort of interim death certificate from the doctors and pass that on to the registrar

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 24/05/2023 07:59

OP if you're present at time of death you can register the death. Usually it's a close relative or someone who was present at the time. Your friend's cousins sound flaky so they may welcome you making funeral arrangements so that they can avoid the work themselves. There is a hierarchy of people who can arrange a funeral (I'm a funeral arranger) but if the cousins relinquish their rights then it's fine for you to do it. If your neighbour had some money then the funeral director can apply direct to the bank for payment of the funeral expenses. The bank will need to be informed of your neighbour's death so that the bereavement team take over. You will need a death certificate for this. So the order would be - be there with neighbour when they pass; register the death (make sure the doctor at the hospital knows you are NOK so that the registrar contacts you to make an appointment); call bank to inform them and get bereavement process initiated; instruct a funeral director to make arrangements. Obviously keep the cousins informed throughout.

Im so sorry for your loss. You sound like a very caring neighbour and good friend. 💐

RedRosette2023 · 24/05/2023 08:21

Just5MinsMoreSleep · 24/05/2023 07:26

They can once they register his death and apply for probate. It will all go to the family member who applies for probate which I knew anyway. I just wondered if I could of registered the death. I'm going to call the family later as I'm certain he will pass today and I'll have a conversation with them about the next steps. If I have to step down as per their request then so be it but I'm happy to help anyway I can.

Show quote history

That’s why I said “in his lifetime” 😊 ie whilst he’s alive.

Honeyroar · 24/05/2023 08:27

They sound lazy and disinterested. I bet if you offered to write how eulogy and arrange a lot of the funeral they’d let you. But if not, then you unfortunately have to step back. You sound like a wonderful friend to him.

Lizzt2007 · 24/05/2023 08:35

Sorry but I'm confused op, if there's no documents appointing you in any official capacity then how are you next of kin? Next of kin is nearest relative or spouse, if there's no documents appointing you as such then you are not next of kin and it's the family, estranged or not, that are responsible for making medical decisions and arranging any funerals.

droghedalady · 24/05/2023 08:43

To quote the PP, I am confused as to how you are an official next of Kin. I am NOK with my brother for dad and we had to be appointed officially as NOK by a solicitor. You can't just be unofficially appointed. If you're not NOK, I would stay well out of any family business because it's going to lead to grief.

Fandabedodgy · 24/05/2023 08:44

Unless you have legal power of attorney in place you have no right to act on his behalf on anyway.

blobby10 · 24/05/2023 09:15

My partner of 5 years had put me as his NOK on hospital records but when he died his brothers just took over and organised everything. Cleared out his flat, arranged the funeral (went totally against wishes partner had expressed to me earlier in the year), sold all his stuff. Wouldn't let me get involved at all (ie cleared out flat on a Friday when they told me they were going to do it Saturday and meet me there) and never asked me if I wanted to keep anything to remind me of him. I just assumed blood relatives assume NOK status whether they were part of someones life or not - partner was on great terms with his brothers but they all lived a long way apart

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 24/05/2023 09:49

Unless you have legal power of attorney in place you have no right to act on his behalf on anyway.

Yes she does. If she's at the bedside at the time of death then she can register it legally ( though should allow the cousins to do so if they wish).

OP, as a neighbour and friend can also make funeral arrangements if closer relatives (counting in this case) don't wish to do it. I've arranged loads of funerals where it's a neighbour or friend as the client.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 24/05/2023 09:50

Sorry, meant to highlight first para in previous post as this was a statement by a previous poster.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 24/05/2023 09:57

Also, the policy in most NHS trusts is to ask you to nominate who is next of kin formally, on your admission to hospital, and they are flexible because some families are very diverse. A patient can, for example, nominate a best friend to be NOK.

Swipe left for the next trending thread