Is marriage beneficial to me?

[Lardolader]

Sorry it's a long one! - basically, is it in my interests to get married if I own the house with no mortgage and in the next few years will likely have inherited money? Even tho at the moment I'm not earning and have 1ds and another on the way?

Partner says he's not bothered, then says ok, then we just never get round to booking it. Makes me question if he has doubts even tho he says he doesn't.

Long story to follow so as not to drip feed....

I think if you both want to get married then get married but I would look at a pre-nup to protect yourselves and don't under value his salary contribution. If you go down the pre-nup route I would also ensure if covers any future inheritance if possible.

If you are in England don't get married. It is only convenient for those less financially stable and you will potentially lose your home and half of inheritance. Or move to another country with fairer laws

@Greenfree the thing is, I'm not sure he does want to get married, otherwise I feel like he wouldn't be dragging his feet like this. We're not the kind of couple where I'm sat here waiting for a proposal,it's something we've discussed. I'm going to talk to him when he's back home.

@cato40 I don't think it is unfair tho! So far we've made decisions as a couple and I know going in that 50:50 is the deal in the event of a split. As I've said, he's generous, all his money is in the joint account that I spend on daily stuff. I guess it's up to him. Maybe he's hiding more money from me that I don't know about!

Yeah it sounds like you both need to have a conversation about it. If you take away all the financial stuff, would both of you want to get married and how much does marriage mean to you if he says he doesn't. I think having children together is a much bigger commitment, I'm going through a divorce which would be so much easier if DD wasn't at the forefront of my mind. In my new relationship I definitely won't be rushing into marriage and if I ever do re-marry it will be with a pre-nup and an agreement about exactly what happens if we ever seperate. Sometimes I think people are just put of by the idea of marriage but still love their DP and partner. Good luck OP and I hope it all works out for you x

Depends on what sort of pension he has but it’s unlikely to make any difference if you’re married or not. If it’s a defined contribution pension then it will go to whoever he nominates (regardless if married).

There are inheritance tax benefits to being married but that doesn’t apply to pensions which pass outside the estate.

the “next of kin” thing is a myth- being married doesn’t give you any rights to make medical decisions for someone.

up to you but if you marry he could be quids in if you split leaving you less able to care for your kids. I didn’t marry my ex and that left me much better off after the split

I would drop it. If you do get married, get a prenup in place

OP, if you leave your house to your offspring your IHT threshold is £500k.

Money in your pension (private / defined contribution) does not form part of your estate so not subject to IHT and you can name who you like as the beneficiary.

Your DP isn’t that vulnerable: he has his own property, albeit currently unsaleable , he has a job, income, pension, and it’s not that unreasonable that he pays bills and running costs for your child and for you to be the child caring half of your household team.

In your shoes I would not marry atm. And I would leave my assets to my kids, possibly with a provision for him to live in the house until such time as he remarries or the kids are 21. Or something.

You have some doubts about your relationship. You don’t need to marry for your own protection (quite the opposite) and marriage is not a way to increase his emotional commitment to you, if you were hoping for a romantic epiphany on his part.

Thank you so much for all the extra advice. We had a chat when he got in and I said it was fine that he doesn't want to, I definitely don't want to drag him into it, but that it would make more sense for the house and estate etc to go down rather than across to him. He didn't love that idea and said in that case he should be putting some of his salary aside for his pot. Which I understand, but I think also demonstrates that usually we make our decisions as a unit and everything is joint.

Anyway, I have now sort of gone off the idea 😂 after all the advice here. I don't want to get a prenup, so now I'm thinking that I probably don't really need to get married. He came around to the idea and suggested we book it, but the whole thing was so unromantic! So @EggInANest you're absolutely right about it affecting his commitment in any way.
We said we'd book it this weekend, but have been busy with other stuff, so I'm not going to bring it up again and will crack on making a will and planning that way.

Thank you so much everyone for your really helpful info and advice. Mumsnet is so great!

I mean I also think love is important but there’s no mention is this in your post..? It seems very tactical thinking on your part. You’re either partners or you aren’t imo. I’m about to inherit a lot of money also.. it doesn’t bother me that I’ll be sharing it because I’m married- I see our household as a team. It strikes me that you are very tactical and strategic- I wonder why you’re thinking in that context and whether you really feel secure in your relationship .. I’ll be honest and say I feel maybe you aren’t. X

@babyproblems that was what I said at the beginning... I usually have complete trust in our relationship, but the fact he's been saying one thing and then dragging his feet had made me question whether maybe he wasn't as happy as I'd thought. Our relationship isn't perfect, and he's not a talker and so I've just been thinking that you never really know what's going on in someone's else's head.

We have had some good chats the last couple of days. He's made me feel that he's not leaving!

What I've been trying to convey is that I do believe that going into marriage, you know the deal, everything split, family money..I was only starting to question it because I thought what was the point in pushing it, if he might turn around and leave.

Love does come into it, but I'm also not stupid. I love my kids too and want to provide the best life I can for them

Just to add, it doesn't really work to reverse the sexes with this stuff. He's not vulnerable. Unless they have some major ailment or somesuch, they can (and too often do) easily walk away and start again. It's women who get stuck with the DC and no money in these situations outside of marriage.