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Original poster

Father scammed out of life savings - is there anything I can do?

37 replies

RalIy · 15/02/2023 20:43

Hi,

My dad met a man who I believe has groomed him. He was very lonely and this guy kept promising they would go into business jointly together. Over the past five years my dad has emptied his pension and given this guy nearly £100,000. I even caught my dad with forms to remortgage his house! He said his “friend” had given them to him.

He has now accepted his “friend” has scammed him but refuses to go to the bank or contact the police because he is too ashamed. He is now living solely on his state pension which doesn’t even cover the bills. He is so depressed about his financial state he has talked about ending his own life. He is still in sporadic contact with his “friend” as the friend keeps promising he will pay him back one day and my dad is holding out hope so refuses to go to the authorities for fear of “spooking” him. He has also stolen items of art work from my dad and sold them.

I’ve looked the guy up and I’ve seen he has gone to prison before for fraud and it appears his father was a career criminal. Obviously a criminal family. There is no way my dad is getting the money back from him.

Is there anything I can do? If I convince my father to go to the bank is there anyway of recovering the money given he gave the money up voluntarily? There is no paper trail.

Also, he sent the money to various limited companies rather than the guy himself. The limited companies have since been shut down.

My dad doesn’t have any mental impairments so I am not sure if he counts as vulnerable but he is in his mid 70s.

He cannot afford a lawyer and neither can I - I am in my early 20s living in London so nearly all my money goes on rent.

OP posts:
anotherscroller · 15/02/2023 20:45

So sorry to hear this. I definitely think it’s worth contacting the police.

anotherscroller · 15/02/2023 20:46

Mumsnet lawyers we need you!!

Kangarude · 15/02/2023 20:46

He needs to report it to Action Fraud. This can be done online or by phone. I don't think it's very likely the bank will refund due to the length of time it has been going on. Your poor dad

heldinadream · 15/02/2023 20:47

Personally I would go to the police on his behalf if I were you, you have a crime to report. Ring Age UK for advice, they'll be able to tell you how to handle it. Your poor father. Shame is virtually always present when someone's been scammed, people feel they should have known better. Age UK will be fully aware of the best way to approach it OP.

Gingernaut · 15/02/2023 20:48

Police.

Any promise to repay is an admission the debt is owed.

WeAreTheHeroes · 15/02/2023 20:48

I've read a very, very similar thread to this in the past on here - within the last year. If you can find it there may be some helpful replies and advice.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you dad. He is vulnerable. Contact the police.

Original poster
RalIy · 15/02/2023 20:50

Thanks for the moral support guys. Funnily enough I did intern with Action Fraud for six months as it was being set up - and is also why I am pretty sure he wont be able to get his money back. Never thought I’d be in this situation.

Good idea about Age UK. I’ll speak to them at some point @heldinadream

OP posts:
Original poster
RalIy · 15/02/2023 20:51

@Gingernaut My dad mentioned something about texts but has refused to show them to me.

OP posts:
Judashascomeintosomemoney · 15/02/2023 20:51

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear this. Secondly, maybe ask to move this to the Legal section, there’s probably more targeted help available there.
Thirdly, when did this happen? Banks ave had a responsibility to look out for this sort of hing for some time now. I couldn’t even use my own money in a First Direct account to buy a car from a main Honda dealer without a lengthy conversation with their relevant department - and good on them. But banks do have a responsibility quite apart from the other good advice here to contact action fraud and AgeUk as well as the police.

backawayfatty1 · 15/02/2023 20:52

Report to police, action fraud and the bank. There is a possibility the bank would consider giving some of the money back but he needs to be very honest about what happened, how much, any vulnerabilities. Needs to call the bank fraud team and explain the situation

Weallgottachangesometime · 15/02/2023 20:54

Can’t you report to the police on your fathers behalf. I suspect if he has history whatever he is doing is likely to be illegal.

ChangesUsername · 15/02/2023 20:56

Post this on the legal forum too
Fraudsters rely on shame and embarrassment
I'd report it to the police and not tell my dad but I have no legal training
Utter bustards who deserve their own special spot in hell IMO

TheProseccoAlwaysWins · 15/02/2023 20:57

Utter bastard. I'm so sorry to hear this x

anotherscroller · 15/02/2023 20:58

Yes to the legal forum.
also OP you’re in your early twenties, do you have someone older you can get to support you with this? It’s a lot to deal with at that age I think
maybe a relative or a trusted person at work?

Original poster
RalIy · 15/02/2023 20:58

Thanks everyone. I have asked this to be moved to legal.

OP posts:
amicissimma · 15/02/2023 21:00

Another vote for the police. If your dad won't, then better you than nobody.

Your dad is very likely not the only person who's fallen victim to this guy and each report will add to the picture. Gradually a case will build with enough reports and then something can be done.

Weallgottachangesometime · 15/02/2023 21:03

fyi I had a friend who was victim to a more minimal fraud. She found victim support so helpful. She felt embarrassed and ashamed but they really reassured her that. It can happens to anyone

PermanentTemporary · 15/02/2023 21:07

God what a scumbag. Your poor dad.

I'm afraid I don't have a single additional helpful piece of advice but it happened to my dad. I knew it was happening but didn't worry too much as he was penniless. My dad managed to extract money from other people to pay these horrible people and he was probably lucky not to be jailed himself.

A few weeks after my dad died I was scammed myself and had the extraordinary experience of feeling briefly what my dad felt. Once I realised it was a scam, I felt an incredibly strong pull to try and stay involved- to catch the criminals, to try and get my money back, somehow to make it better. I had to practically force myself to cut them off and report them. I found the process of reporting them to my bank, because I had to say aloud what had happened. It was such a shock to actually hear what I had done, and it broke that pull.

I would therefore be extremely concerned that your dad is still in touch with this criminal. I would focus on the future and ask your dad very seriously if he would consider giving you some input to support him, eg make his current account into a joint account with you, or to give you power of attorney so you can see his account. It may seem over the top and he may well refuse but honestly these bloodsuckers are like a cross between a disease and an addiction.

PermanentTemporary · 15/02/2023 21:11

I meant the act of reporting was helpful to me.

I felt unable to speak strongly enough to my dad - I did speak out but gently. In some ways I didn't love him enough to have that painful conversation which I knew would crush him. I'm not sure it would really have helped if I'm honest. He died still in touch with the scamners, after ten years.

Thechoccieorange · 15/02/2023 21:19

I'm so sorry OP. Currently going through this and we reported to the bank but MIL is devastated. She fell victim to one of those scams where they pretend to be a family member whose phone has broken and then they gain trust. Tens of thousands gone.
Bank are looking into it but as payments were made "willingly" (MIL thought she was paying off people who were owed money by her son, they had coerced her and duped her) it doesn't look likely that MIL will get any money back.

EmmaEmerald · 15/02/2023 21:34

Glad you're getting this put on legal

Judas "I couldn’t even use my own money in a First Direct account to buy a car from a main Honda dealer without a lengthy conversation with their relevant department - and good on them."

I find that quite worrying! I'm going to be doing a bunch of transactions for buying a flat. I was hoping to avoid a bank charge but perhaps it's the best way to ensure they don't stop payments.

SausagePourHomme · 15/02/2023 21:39

echo: speak to action fraud, the bank, and the police. I think you may be surprised how helpful the bank will be.

Original poster
RalIy · 15/02/2023 21:44

@Thechoccieorange I am so sorry you went through that. In your MIL’s case surely that is a clear case of authorised push payment fraud and they are obligated to pay her back?

@PermanentTemporary That is so awful. Your father was definitely a victim as well and I am sorry you went through that yourself so soon after losing him. I’ve tried to convince my father to seek emotional support but he steadfastly refuses, even though I am sure it would help him. I will continue to push him to seek help, his mental health is so bad right now.

OP posts:
NewNovember · 15/02/2023 21:50

Weallgottachangesometime · 15/02/2023 21:03

fyi I had a friend who was victim to a more minimal fraud. She found victim support so helpful. She felt embarrassed and ashamed but they really reassured her that. It can happens to anyone

That's not true and not particularly helpful as she should now she is at risk of it happening again. It happens to people who are vulnerable for various reasons through loneliness or disability/ health which is sometimes age related.
The vast majority of the population would not be scammed these people are not stupid they pick their victims carefully.

GnomeDePlume · 15/02/2023 22:25

NewNovember · 15/02/2023 21:50

That's not true and not particularly helpful as she should now she is at risk of it happening again. It happens to people who are vulnerable for various reasons through loneliness or disability/ health which is sometimes age related.
The vast majority of the population would not be scammed these people are not stupid they pick their victims carefully.

Show quote history

@NewNovember I disagree with you. We are all vulnerable. Not necessarily to all scams but there is likely a scam to which we are each vulnerable at some point.

A very savvy, switched on, accountant colleague of mine very nearly fell for a VAT related scam. It just caught them at the wrong moment. They were only prevented from falling for the fraud because another colleague pushed for them to check again.

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