Access to newborn

[Badassbreastfeeder85]

Hi,I've not posted here before,I'm currently pregnant and my ex is threatening to take me to court for access, does anyone have any experience amd can shed light on timescales,what may happen,what access he will get and will it be from birth? The thought of handing my new baby over is causing me lots of worry
Thanks in advance

IF he takes this to court, you won't be forced to hand over a newborn. Contact will be little and often and at your house. An hour every day for example. The idea would be to work towards overnights and more shared residency by the time child is getting towards two, though he could get overnights before then.

Contact won't necessarily be at your house it can be in a cafe or other public place near to where you live. Also you could end up with a social worker in attendance depending on the allegations you make about him.

The earliest I've known overnight contact is 14 months and it went through the Courts. With those who are more amicable it has been 18 months when the mother got a job that involved overnights.

Knowing parents involved in a handful of cases like this over the years -

1. Do not communicate with him verbally redirect his number to voicemail. (I would also block callers who withheld their number.)
2. Be careful what you put in writing to him as it can be used to show the judge you want to block him and the child having a relationship
3. Try to talk to as many people you can find in real life as there are lots of separated parents around. Some will have gone through similar stuff to you but will be a few years down the line so will be more objective about the situation and so will give you good advice.
4. Don't be scared of him taking you to Court. If you are reasonable and have spoken to a good range of people, not just the charities and lawyers, then you can get a reasonable outcome for your child. It won't be the outcome either of you want as it about the child not either of you.

That's the worse advice you can ever give a single parent in the UK.

The parent who the child mostly lives with is the one who has to comply with the court order.

It is better to sort out the situation amicably, if possible, for the child's sake.

However at the moment there is currently no child there is nothing to sort out.

You don't say how far along you are but the best thing to do right now is try not to think about it just now you should enjoy your pregnancy without worry and there's nothing that can be done with or without court until baby is born anyway.

To put your mind at ease no court will expect u to be away from your baby especially if your breastfeeding for long periods of time contact at that age would be with you there and short periods more than likely.

He sound like an idiot so best to go no contact for now and minimise the stress!

@ThatGirlInACountrySong

Why is it when it comes to child arrangements it's automatically "I was forced to go to court" ? Not every resident parent stops contact unreasonably sometimes it's better through court as boundaries are blurred and it's the only way especially dealing with a parent who can't co parent amicably

I work in this field and will say that IF he makes an application to court he can only do that when the baby is born and not before. The process can take months. A judge is not going to direct contact between him and a newborn baby away from their mother who is also breastfeeding. Likely the judge would ascertain whether contact at your home is possible at a short but fairly regular frequency. For context, my baby is 11 weeks old and is breastfed and I physically cannot leave her any longer than an hour as she is feeding every hour to 90 mins during the day.

Don't let the stress take over the last bit of your pregnancy.

Sorry to also add that obviously contact would need to be safe and it seems from reading through just now there are some safeguarding concerns. In that case if contact cannot take place at your home it would be in a neutral space such as a coffee shop, play centre etc. I would personally keep all communication minimal and via text message so you have a paper trail.

Yes, it's my job 🙂
But I see so many who attend alone and still want to give dad's surname to the child. Or couples who attend together then later the mum wants to change her mind, so was just making it clear really, but thanks for the clarification.

So I just want to clarify that I wouldn't be breastfeeding as a means to prevent contact,but I breastfed and bedshared with my eldest until he was six, I also trained to be a breastfeeding peer supporter,I'd say I'm an attachment style parent and I cannot imagine being away from my young baby and extended periods,he won't be on the birth certificate due to his animosity towards me and he's also wanting a dna test so likely I've have registered the birth before the results come back at any rate,I've tried to be amicable and he's been around my eldest since I've been pregnant even tho my eldest isnt completely comfortable with this,to prevent the need for him to have access without me and my son around but I just don't see this working when his attitude towards me just flips and he becomes verbally abusive and out come the threats,I just wanted an idea if whether breastfeeding would be respected or if I'd be made to pump,which I didn't find easy with my eldest,but my friends thinks ill be expected to and how much contact will be deemed appropriate etc

Are you quite far along? You might still have options with the pregnancy if its this bad.

He doesn't want access. He wants to avoid paying. Some idiots has told if he dies 50/50 from birth he gets off without a penny. I would report any threats to the police, don't put him in birth certificate, move and wait and see what happens. I'd also be tempted to say he wasn't the father but I guess you might need the money and the baby deserves a father, even a waste of space one.